and we're all owed joy, sooner or later
"Mom, you left this world before I have, but you gave me 8 sisters. I want to thank my mom and God". - Tiffany
thank you, bri, for reminding me about this quote. i cried a little when i watched her say it, because she prolly has much that she wants or can say, but she summed it up so simply.
there are very few people i show my grief to, and my friends know i hate crying in front of other people, even in front of my mum or sister. it's taken me years to be able to cry in front of someone, or tell them that i just need to know that they are there for me. on the day before my dad's death anniversary, i was walking with Milky to one of the school's canteens for lunch, and we were talking really frankly about our parents. i'd known her for like, less than 2 months? and usually when i talk about my dad, even about his last moments (which is rare), i don't cry. but at that time, i can't rmb why though, i was trying to describe what it was like on the day papa left, and i choked up in the middle, and there she was, saying "it's okay" and after that we just walked in silence...
i have been extremely lucky to have friends who care about me, and have stuck by me. i may not be as good at keeping in touch as i was a few years back, but somehow in the place of papa, i have found sisters (and a brother) that i have come to count on very much. and sometimes, because of this, i am afraid that perhaps i rely too much on the people around me, and i have this fear of independence, of being alone. even now, when i'm back in NUS, i don't want to take lectures and tutorials on my own, even though i did it all the time in Seoul. maybe it was because i expected Seoul to be different anyways.
so, i'm sorry to these wonderful friends, who have kept me holding up along the way, if i have ever burdened you, or shown you my temper, or been uptight with you, or judged you. i realise that i do do those things, and in spite of it all, you have never given up on me. ( w h o a )
for beat, stef, sam, cand, krist, charm, sabriya, just, my closest friends,
you have take the most crap from me and you're still there. thank you so much, i would be a very different person if it weren't for you. the confidence, reason, dreams, daring, that i have, are all thanks to you, honestly. you inspire me to take little steps and encourage me to be brave and dream of big ones.
for those who have been with me through so much of this journey, jean, anne, bri, anita, samjo, milky, winsome, A01D,
to be able to have known you and talked to you, differently, and not about superficial, surface topics, to have shared a little bit of ourselves with each other, and for the strength and hope that we give each other sometimes.
Ship
In the end,
it was nothing more
than the toy boat of a boy
on the local park’s lake,
where I walked with you.
But I knelt down
to watch it arrive,
its white sail shy
with amber light,
the late sun
bronzing the wave
that lifted it up,
my ship coming in
with its cargo of joy.
- Carol Ann Duffy
thank you, bri, for reminding me about this quote. i cried a little when i watched her say it, because she prolly has much that she wants or can say, but she summed it up so simply.
there are very few people i show my grief to, and my friends know i hate crying in front of other people, even in front of my mum or sister. it's taken me years to be able to cry in front of someone, or tell them that i just need to know that they are there for me. on the day before my dad's death anniversary, i was walking with Milky to one of the school's canteens for lunch, and we were talking really frankly about our parents. i'd known her for like, less than 2 months? and usually when i talk about my dad, even about his last moments (which is rare), i don't cry. but at that time, i can't rmb why though, i was trying to describe what it was like on the day papa left, and i choked up in the middle, and there she was, saying "it's okay" and after that we just walked in silence...
i have been extremely lucky to have friends who care about me, and have stuck by me. i may not be as good at keeping in touch as i was a few years back, but somehow in the place of papa, i have found sisters (and a brother) that i have come to count on very much. and sometimes, because of this, i am afraid that perhaps i rely too much on the people around me, and i have this fear of independence, of being alone. even now, when i'm back in NUS, i don't want to take lectures and tutorials on my own, even though i did it all the time in Seoul. maybe it was because i expected Seoul to be different anyways.
so, i'm sorry to these wonderful friends, who have kept me holding up along the way, if i have ever burdened you, or shown you my temper, or been uptight with you, or judged you. i realise that i do do those things, and in spite of it all, you have never given up on me. ( w h o a )
for beat, stef, sam, cand, krist, charm, sabriya, just, my closest friends,
you have take the most crap from me and you're still there. thank you so much, i would be a very different person if it weren't for you. the confidence, reason, dreams, daring, that i have, are all thanks to you, honestly. you inspire me to take little steps and encourage me to be brave and dream of big ones.
for those who have been with me through so much of this journey, jean, anne, bri, anita, samjo, milky, winsome, A01D,
to be able to have known you and talked to you, differently, and not about superficial, surface topics, to have shared a little bit of ourselves with each other, and for the strength and hope that we give each other sometimes.
Ship
In the end,
it was nothing more
than the toy boat of a boy
on the local park’s lake,
where I walked with you.
But I knelt down
to watch it arrive,
its white sail shy
with amber light,
the late sun
bronzing the wave
that lifted it up,
my ship coming in
with its cargo of joy.
- Carol Ann Duffy