the only fault is mine
so i've been putting off writing on LJ for a while, only because i WANT to write down my list of Firsts in Korea but i haven't completed it yet, so i feel like i SHOULDN'T blog at all but looks like i caved huh hahaha.
i realise that i am a complete failure at taking photos in singapore. EPIC. FAIL. i've caught up with cand, krist, just, anita, stef, charm, jean, ajit, dee... i didn't forget anyone else right? anyways yeah and i didn't take any photos at all and i'm almost completely off facebook again. man! is it me or is it something about singapore....... well anyway i had my wisdom tooth out and cand accompanied me which i was really thankful for but in the end it was virtually painless! the thing is, i was really scared of the blood, not the pain. i can handle pain but the thought of continuously having to swallow my blood was a little dizzying. but my dentist is my hero. he is awesome. no pain, very little blood and very soothing. haha. he gave me 3 jabs and even those didn't hurt! amazing. the tooth was gigantic though! i never imagined them to be so big, and it had a hook at the end, so the sensation i had when he was pulling it out at the beginning was very strange (i later registered that it was pain but it didn't really feel like pain cos of the jabs) and yeah it is one ugly tooth. LOL. i got 3 stitches!
and then that night i watched the KBS music countdown with my mum and sister (i have no idea why we were watching that, i think we just ended up on that channel) and zomg my mum was making fun of all the engrish names and stuff and i don't know why, but we were all really high that night and i think i was pretending to play the guitar with a bolster and suddenly my mum grabbed my cellphone and started playing it like a harmonica and we all burst out laughing and i was like WHUT WHY A HARMONICA and she was like COS YOU'RE PLAYING THE BANJO and that really did it. we all collapsed into giggles and then tadah! a stitch came out! HAHAHAHAHA. it was really funny. man.
and then dinner with anita and stef, u'd think by now mario ho and wong tk stories would've gotten old, but NO somehow the old rgs stories never fail to make us laugh and i like how we're still as random as ever. we're funny without even trying!!! LOVE IT. HAHA.
you know, you'd think that someone as mature and (kinda) practical as me would give up fangirling over boys and younger boys at that, and i'm always waiting for the day when i'd actually get sick of all this and think what on earth was i doing why do i like these things (you know, since these things ruin my credibility and all) but i DON'T get sick of these things and i LOVE these things and i shall declare now that i really really adore taemin despite the fact that he's a 93-er and even it makes me look silly i don't care >D
but anyway, i must really admit, we did do great things. back in RJ, our batch did grand things. things like RProject, Threesome, Ravenscroft... and it made me believe that we could do great things. and the thing is, now that we're out here in the (sorta) real world, things aren't as easy, and the great things i had imagined us, me, doing aren't the things that i'm doing at all. so yes, i'm disillusioned. mediocrity is never far away and it feels like i'm always teeteering to that edge, and i don't know how to undo my passiveness for the past 2 years. it was much easier to see my dreams back in RJ and now it's cloudier because of responsibilities and whatever. and now i feel like i shall never really know what my real dreams are because they change, not because i want them to, or because i changed my mind, but because of my obligations towards the people around me, and the unspoken Singaporean voice saying how silly it is, and the need to be comfortable.
okay whatever! i am this way because i let myself be this way. nothing to do with being fooled. i'm just scared to be uncomfortable. as always. i acknowledge that and i'm not being emo or sad or angry. just matter-of-fact.
i realise that i am a complete failure at taking photos in singapore. EPIC. FAIL. i've caught up with cand, krist, just, anita, stef, charm, jean, ajit, dee... i didn't forget anyone else right? anyways yeah and i didn't take any photos at all and i'm almost completely off facebook again. man! is it me or is it something about singapore....... well anyway i had my wisdom tooth out and cand accompanied me which i was really thankful for but in the end it was virtually painless! the thing is, i was really scared of the blood, not the pain. i can handle pain but the thought of continuously having to swallow my blood was a little dizzying. but my dentist is my hero. he is awesome. no pain, very little blood and very soothing. haha. he gave me 3 jabs and even those didn't hurt! amazing. the tooth was gigantic though! i never imagined them to be so big, and it had a hook at the end, so the sensation i had when he was pulling it out at the beginning was very strange (i later registered that it was pain but it didn't really feel like pain cos of the jabs) and yeah it is one ugly tooth. LOL. i got 3 stitches!
and then that night i watched the KBS music countdown with my mum and sister (i have no idea why we were watching that, i think we just ended up on that channel) and zomg my mum was making fun of all the engrish names and stuff and i don't know why, but we were all really high that night and i think i was pretending to play the guitar with a bolster and suddenly my mum grabbed my cellphone and started playing it like a harmonica and we all burst out laughing and i was like WHUT WHY A HARMONICA and she was like COS YOU'RE PLAYING THE BANJO and that really did it. we all collapsed into giggles and then tadah! a stitch came out! HAHAHAHAHA. it was really funny. man.
and then dinner with anita and stef, u'd think by now mario ho and wong tk stories would've gotten old, but NO somehow the old rgs stories never fail to make us laugh and i like how we're still as random as ever. we're funny without even trying!!! LOVE IT. HAHA.
you know, you'd think that someone as mature and (kinda) practical as me would give up fangirling over boys and younger boys at that, and i'm always waiting for the day when i'd actually get sick of all this and think what on earth was i doing why do i like these things (you know, since these things ruin my credibility and all) but i DON'T get sick of these things and i LOVE these things and i shall declare now that i really really adore taemin despite the fact that he's a 93-er and even it makes me look silly i don't care >D
but anyway, i must really admit, we did do great things. back in RJ, our batch did grand things. things like RProject, Threesome, Ravenscroft... and it made me believe that we could do great things. and the thing is, now that we're out here in the (sorta) real world, things aren't as easy, and the great things i had imagined us, me, doing aren't the things that i'm doing at all. so yes, i'm disillusioned. mediocrity is never far away and it feels like i'm always teeteering to that edge, and i don't know how to undo my passiveness for the past 2 years. it was much easier to see my dreams back in RJ and now it's cloudier because of responsibilities and whatever. and now i feel like i shall never really know what my real dreams are because they change, not because i want them to, or because i changed my mind, but because of my obligations towards the people around me, and the unspoken Singaporean voice saying how silly it is, and the need to be comfortable.
okay whatever! i am this way because i let myself be this way. nothing to do with being fooled. i'm just scared to be uncomfortable. as always. i acknowledge that and i'm not being emo or sad or angry. just matter-of-fact.