my dilemma may be coming to an end...again yay!
So, everything finally crashed today. I knew it was coming and I was dreading it, but today was the day. So, here's some background info so everyone knows where I am coming from. In high school I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I was put on some medicine, and it didn't help because it didn't fix my extreme anxiety. To make a long story a little shorter, it didn't help so I had to be put in a hospital to get a clearer picture of what was going on with me, chemically. I was there for about a week, and they determined I needed to be on some other type of anti-depressant, or something. I don't know. They put me on something called Celexa, which worked remarkably well. Until I lost my parent insurance coverage. Taking my medication has been very on and off since then. You can literally look at my transcript and tell when I have had meds and when I haven't. After a few months of no medicine I become completely impaired; incapable of doing anything outside my own mind. I worry, and I fear, and I overanalyze and I worry some more. This past week has just gotten so much worse so fast. I found myself sitting in class and crying for no reason that I could discern, during lectures! I tried to hide it, but I was getting more and more humiliated. Today, in Barton's 499C, I sat and stared at the ground almost the whole class. Without even realizing, from the anxiety I guess, I chewed a big hole in my cheek till there was blood all in my mouth. As soon as class was over I jumped up and rushed to Allie Young for meds. I didn't care if I had to go without groceries to get them. I just knew I couldn't live like this anymore. This is no way to live. If relief is out there, I have to try everything in my power to get it at this point. I was there for a really long time, and then I had to spend quite awhile at the pharmacy. But, luckily for me, they had a new generic version that is only $13.77 for a whole months supply! Of course, I had to miss Appalachian Culture again, which sucks! However, even if it causes me to fail, it was totally worth it because I feel so much relief just knowing that things are looking up. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. In my preious experiences with Celexa, I have seen decent improvement within two weeks. I am so excited, I can't wait to be able to concentrate again; to think clearly about things that matter to me, rather than just worrying, worrying, worrying all day and night, and not getting any sleep. So, I'm happy about the prospect of being happy again:)