Feels
I've been having a lot of doubts lately. Do I love him? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him? The things is that it's easier to be with him, but am I happy? Why am I here still?
I know my life would become really complicated if I left. He is my rock, my ultimate support. He's been there for the whole trip. He stayed when I was going through depression. Not many would stay. But he did. He took care of me when I got diagnozed with aih. He stayed. And when things were dark we got engaged. He loved me that much.
But I don't think I deserve that love. And I have no idea if I love him anymore? How can I love someone when I don't love myself? And in the end I continue to question have I ever even loved him truly? I mean in that way you love your life partner. So many questions, but no answers. And no one can even give them to me. No one but me. And I'm too afraid to think this through, cause I don't want to suddenly notice that I don't want this anymore.
I know my life would become really complicated if I left. He is my rock, my ultimate support. He's been there for the whole trip. He stayed when I was going through depression. Not many would stay. But he did. He took care of me when I got diagnozed with aih. He stayed. And when things were dark we got engaged. He loved me that much.
But I don't think I deserve that love. And I have no idea if I love him anymore? How can I love someone when I don't love myself? And in the end I continue to question have I ever even loved him truly? I mean in that way you love your life partner. So many questions, but no answers. And no one can even give them to me. No one but me. And I'm too afraid to think this through, cause I don't want to suddenly notice that I don't want this anymore.