Finally an update
I have few dilemmas in my life at this moment.
First: My father will travel to USA in few weeks. He's going to Boston for language course. I wish I could go with him. I have decided that one day I will travel to USA. Hopefully sooner than later. But for now I need to figure out what I could ask for him to bring for me from his trip. (My english is getting so bad.. I use it so rarely now days that I forget all the words. I wish I had more opportunities to use the language). Maybe I could ask him to bring me a Guess bag, I heard that them are much cheaper in USA. I don't know...
The other dilemma is more complicated. I have been dating this boy about four or five months now. But I think I need to break up with him. I cannot see the future for us. I don't miss him when I'm not with him. I don't get butterflies in my tummy when I do see him. And I don't want to show him to my friends or family. I'm just not that into him. But on the other hand I feel really safe when I'm with him. And the time flies by when we are together. I would love to have him as a friend, but only a friend. I know he has a crush on me, and that's the thing that makes this so difficult.
I have never been the one that wants to break up, I've been the one that gets dumped. I know how to be the victim. But I don't know how to be the "bad guy" the dumper. What do I say? How do I act? I really really need help with this.
As you know my last relationship wasn't a very good one. And at this point in my life I just want to be alone, free. I don't want to explain to anyone where I go and what I do. I need to be happy with myself before I can even think of being in a relationship. It took me over a year to figure this out. And I know it wasn't fair to him, but he was my rebound. I could have not had better rebound but now I need to leave him behind and be with myself. I feel really bad for him, but for once I need to put myself first. And I cannot start a real relationship with him because I don't love him and probably never will.. What will I do so I won't hurt him too much..?
That's it this time. Take care!! :)