(no subject)
Oh no here comes that sun again.
And that means another day without you my friend.
And it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself.
And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else.
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes, sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away.
With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away and head for the door.
We've tried the goodbye so many days.
We walk in the same direction so that we could never stray.
They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free,
but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.
They say time will make all this go away,
but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.
And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down
And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found.
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away, walk away and head for the door.
You just walk away - walk away - walk away.
You just walk away, walk on, turn and head for the door.
(BEN HARPER - Walk Away)
I think this song by Ben Harper explains just how I feel about everything going on right now.
I’ve been doing a lot of just keeping to myself lately. This last Sunday night me and my boyfriend broke up. I want to keep the detail of the break up to myself just because I don’t want the whole world to know Freddie’s business. The Break up was a mutual decision, This isn’t to say that he’s gone and out of my life, He’s just taking sometime to deal with some important things in his life. So the sadness im feeling really isn’t due to the issue that separated us but the fact that the boy that has grown to become my best friend is no longer a everyday part of my life. I have dated a few people in my life and have even had two relationship prior to this last one, But with all of those put together I have never felt more love for a boy in my life then I did with Freddie. I have used the word “Love” very loosely in my life, but never did I feel the actual feeling till now. We figure if are love is as strong as it is, then love will bring us back together.
My head as been filled with so many insecurities and worries though. Freddie has affect my out take on life so much. He has been someone I look to for guidance and understanding, He has been there for me more than anyone else has been there for me besides my mother and sister. I’m so scared that im going to fall back to the person I was before. I’m afraid that im not going to have that one person in my life to just hold me and make everything feel better when I need it. I sit here in my room lately just cry for hours wishing he would just call me and be on his way to just lay here and hold me. I’ve had such a hard time not pick up that phone or iming him online. I miss him so much and I cant stand to know that I wont be able to see him for awhile. I’ve just wanted to sleep all day hoping that time will just fly by. But time seems to be going slower than it has before. Not only of all of those worries get to me, but insecurities that I have are also kicking into full swing. Im afraid that this time apart will dwindle his love for me or he’ll realize im not the guy for him or he’ll find someone new. I came home last night and I check his my space and I saw that his status was changed to Single again. I think that’s when everything hit me, all my insecurities erupted and this darkness of sadness hovered over me. I just need to keep telling myself that the love he has for me is still there. Its my faith in Freddie that keeps me hopeful though. He’s one of the strongest people I know and I know his going to get through all of this and make a better man for himself, that will hopefully be back in my life in the near future. For now I have the thought of memories and love with me to keep me happy.
I wrote this entry not to gain sympathy. But to let those who love me into my head at the moment and maybe give reasoning to my mood at the moment. I love Writing in my journal it gives me such peace sometimes. I also wrote this entry because I know I cant be in Freddie’s life right now but I don’t want him to be completely out of it. If when ever you want to know what’s going on with me babe just look to my live journal. Same goes with the friends of Freddie that I have grown to love. RICHARD! ANGIE ! GYCELA! Please don’t be offended if I delete you from my space Its just something I have to do at the moment. But know that I have a deep love for you guys. Alright well Its time for me to part from my journal. Its with the most sincerity that I say I love you to all my friends that have been there, To family members that have been there and And to Freddie I love you….
Till Next time
* Stopher!
To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real
to know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me
that I can't explain
so would I be out of line, if I said
I miss you
I see your picture, I smell your skin on
the empty pillow next to mine
you have only been gone ten days
but already I am wasting away
I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon
but I need you to know that I care
and I miss you
(I miss you)
(Incubus - Miss you)