(no subject)

[nerdykitten]

I'm not sure where to start. I keep having a Stabbing Westward song playing in my head: "Everything I touch, I break." I'm not sure what the status of my relationship is. After much talking and crying this weekend with my boyfriend (and punching a concrete floor), it came to the end that I left early because he's not sure whether we should be together. I left because my being there was not helping him sort things through. I cried my whole way back to school. I called him twice, begging him to be with me and it ended with him angrily telling me he just has been thinking about a lot of things and needs to work through them. He won't tell me what. And I suppose we're at a stage of not talking. I just feel so broken inside. He made me so happy. How did it turn so wrong? I want to be with him more than anything, but all I can do is wait. To be dumped or to be told that he wants to be with me. Just earlier today we were talking and laughing and now I'm sitting at my computer in the middle of the night crying and trying to think of something to take my mind off my pain because I can't sleep.

And I'm not the only one hurt. I have gravely hurt someone I hold dear. Someone wants to be with me and I feel awful telling them no. But we've both changed since we've last been together and it wouldn't be what it was.

So, wish me luck getting to sleep. I'm gonna need it.