Oscar Pics
Figure I should throw together an official list. Bottoms up tops down (LADIES) (not really, I mean that I'm going from the bottom to the top, I hope that was apparent)
SOUND MIXING
Honestly, who gives a dick. These are the kids table of the Oscars. Literally, Transformers 2 is nominated. If Star Trek will win anything, which it might not, it'll be this.
PICK: Star Trek.
SOUND EDITING
I have no clue what the difference is, and I work in media production. I'll toss this one to Basterds, based on the idea that the Academy will feel like a cunt for giving it practically nothing else. Tough year!
PICK: Inglourious Basterds
VISUAL EFFECTS
ahahahahahahahahaha
PICK: Avatar
FILM EDITING
This is something I actually am considering doing for a living, so hey. For the record, I consider District 9 to be the best movie of the year, and would win every category if it were up to me. But it's not.
PICK: Hurt Locker.
MAKEUP
Thin pickings this year, but still an easy call if you know what to look for; Young Victoria won't win best costume since that will go to Coco Before Chanel. Let's toss her this, instead, says the Academy.
PICK: The Young Victoria.
COSTUME DESIGN
As stated, all the buzz has been for Coco Before Chanel. I'm not one to defy buzz, unless it's Google Buzz, which I don't use.
PICK: Coco Before Chanel
CINEMATOGRAPHY
A toss up between Avatar and Basterds. Academy is trying to look cooler and generally relate to the population at large, which means they're gonna pick the one that made a billion dollars.
PICK: Avatar.
ART DIRECTION
hurr durr
PICK: Avatar
SHORT FILM (ANIMATED)
Logorama got an imperial cuntton of buzz, which is cool! Good for Logorama.
PICK: Logorama
SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION)
Man I got no damn clue. I'll cheat and steal from Gawker (kinda) and say Instead of Abracadabra.
PICK: Instead of Abracadabra
DOCUMENTARY (SHORT SUBJECT)
"The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant" didn't win 20 years ago when it was called Roger & Me, and the Academy is entirely about making it up to people.
PICK: The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant
DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
You remember The Big Lebowski? That movie is based on a real guy! That guy got into a FIGHT because of how much he likes Food Inc., and some douchey critic walked out during it. I don't want to defy The Dude.
PICK: Food Inc.
ORIGINAL SONG
Hey, speaking of Lebowski...
PICK: "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart
ORIGINAL SCORE
Much as I'd like Fantastic Mr. Fox, Up will take it.
PICK: Up
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
This category always seemed kind of arrogant to me. There's English films, and then films in other languages. Oh well, whatever. Everyone says the winner will be...
PICK: The White Ribbon
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Man, this is just going to upset me. If there's anything District 9 could win any other year, it would be this, but two other high-profile films are getting snubbed elsewhere, and this is where it's made up. Up in the Air and Precious, you are incredibly deserving, but so is District 9 dammit.
PICK: Up in the Air
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Tarantino deserves it, and he'll take it.
PICK: Inglourious Basterds
ANIMATED FILM
God, I wish this was a contest. It would be fucking awesome if a non-Pixar film won. But alas.
PICK: Up
SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Now, the categories everyone watches for. Mo'nique, the star of Phat Girlz, will take this absolutely.
PICK: Mo'nique.
SUPPORTING ACTOR
In the immortal words of Ja Rule, through the classic works of Jay Z's "Can I Get A", allow me to state that "It ain't even a question"
PICK: Christoph Waltz
ACTRESS
Man, okay, this is where we start writing up contingency plans. If somehow Mo'nique didn't win Supporting Actress, that means that Gabourey Sidibe wins this. That would be cool! There is, scarily, a genuine chance of Sandy winning, and a high chance of Streep taking it. Far as I'm concerned, I'll go with the option that'll make for the best TV.
PICK: Gabourey Sidibe
ACTOR
Another category with a ton of aces. Clooney has a shot, Bridges has a shot, but I would love to see Renner take this.
PICK: Jeremy Renner.
DIRECTOR
This is difficult. If Avatar gets Best Picture, Bigelow wins this. If Hurt Locker wins best picture, Cameron wins this. I'm spoiling my big finale, but I'll give Director to the producer of the finest film of all history, Point Break.
PICK: Kathrine Bigelow
PICTURE
Yeah, man. Seriously. I think it's gonna win. I don't honestly think it's the best picture, and it's certainly not a lock, but if I'm betting money and feeling bold, it's gotta be...
PICK: Avatar
SOUND MIXING
Honestly, who gives a dick. These are the kids table of the Oscars. Literally, Transformers 2 is nominated. If Star Trek will win anything, which it might not, it'll be this.
PICK: Star Trek.
SOUND EDITING
I have no clue what the difference is, and I work in media production. I'll toss this one to Basterds, based on the idea that the Academy will feel like a cunt for giving it practically nothing else. Tough year!
PICK: Inglourious Basterds
VISUAL EFFECTS
ahahahahahahahahaha
PICK: Avatar
FILM EDITING
This is something I actually am considering doing for a living, so hey. For the record, I consider District 9 to be the best movie of the year, and would win every category if it were up to me. But it's not.
PICK: Hurt Locker.
MAKEUP
Thin pickings this year, but still an easy call if you know what to look for; Young Victoria won't win best costume since that will go to Coco Before Chanel. Let's toss her this, instead, says the Academy.
PICK: The Young Victoria.
COSTUME DESIGN
As stated, all the buzz has been for Coco Before Chanel. I'm not one to defy buzz, unless it's Google Buzz, which I don't use.
PICK: Coco Before Chanel
CINEMATOGRAPHY
A toss up between Avatar and Basterds. Academy is trying to look cooler and generally relate to the population at large, which means they're gonna pick the one that made a billion dollars.
PICK: Avatar.
ART DIRECTION
hurr durr
PICK: Avatar
SHORT FILM (ANIMATED)
Logorama got an imperial cuntton of buzz, which is cool! Good for Logorama.
PICK: Logorama
SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION)
Man I got no damn clue. I'll cheat and steal from Gawker (kinda) and say Instead of Abracadabra.
PICK: Instead of Abracadabra
DOCUMENTARY (SHORT SUBJECT)
"The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant" didn't win 20 years ago when it was called Roger & Me, and the Academy is entirely about making it up to people.
PICK: The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant
DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
You remember The Big Lebowski? That movie is based on a real guy! That guy got into a FIGHT because of how much he likes Food Inc., and some douchey critic walked out during it. I don't want to defy The Dude.
PICK: Food Inc.
ORIGINAL SONG
Hey, speaking of Lebowski...
PICK: "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart
ORIGINAL SCORE
Much as I'd like Fantastic Mr. Fox, Up will take it.
PICK: Up
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
This category always seemed kind of arrogant to me. There's English films, and then films in other languages. Oh well, whatever. Everyone says the winner will be...
PICK: The White Ribbon
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Man, this is just going to upset me. If there's anything District 9 could win any other year, it would be this, but two other high-profile films are getting snubbed elsewhere, and this is where it's made up. Up in the Air and Precious, you are incredibly deserving, but so is District 9 dammit.
PICK: Up in the Air
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Tarantino deserves it, and he'll take it.
PICK: Inglourious Basterds
ANIMATED FILM
God, I wish this was a contest. It would be fucking awesome if a non-Pixar film won. But alas.
PICK: Up
SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Now, the categories everyone watches for. Mo'nique, the star of Phat Girlz, will take this absolutely.
PICK: Mo'nique.
SUPPORTING ACTOR
In the immortal words of Ja Rule, through the classic works of Jay Z's "Can I Get A", allow me to state that "It ain't even a question"
PICK: Christoph Waltz
ACTRESS
Man, okay, this is where we start writing up contingency plans. If somehow Mo'nique didn't win Supporting Actress, that means that Gabourey Sidibe wins this. That would be cool! There is, scarily, a genuine chance of Sandy winning, and a high chance of Streep taking it. Far as I'm concerned, I'll go with the option that'll make for the best TV.
PICK: Gabourey Sidibe
ACTOR
Another category with a ton of aces. Clooney has a shot, Bridges has a shot, but I would love to see Renner take this.
PICK: Jeremy Renner.
DIRECTOR
This is difficult. If Avatar gets Best Picture, Bigelow wins this. If Hurt Locker wins best picture, Cameron wins this. I'm spoiling my big finale, but I'll give Director to the producer of the finest film of all history, Point Break.
PICK: Kathrine Bigelow
PICTURE
Yeah, man. Seriously. I think it's gonna win. I don't honestly think it's the best picture, and it's certainly not a lock, but if I'm betting money and feeling bold, it's gotta be...
PICK: Avatar