lauryn hill gets me through the day.
so, philip and i have been living together for six months now, and our lease is up on the first,which is wednesday! philip and i have both noticed[i've noticed, i just won't admit it as much] that we have been arguing a lot since we moved in together. i mean, when we didn't live together we NEVER argued. never. we were basically "perfect." i still feel as though we are perfect for each other, and always will be, but we are looking for our own apartments today. we only have a few days to find them, but we're going to try. i hope our relationships betters when we do this...i really didn't want to live without him. i really don't want to, but maybe it will be better. everyone says we'll appreciate our time together a lot more, but i just feel like i will hardly ever be able to see him. i should be okay financially, so i'm not too worried about that, but i'll still be working about six days a week, and i just hope we can still spend a lot of time together. i really do love that guy. i truly do. he told me yesterday that he doesn't want us to end up hating each other, which i can kind of see happening in the very far future if we keep living together. i guess we both just need our own space. (?) i was really upset yesterday when he was trying to talk to me about. i kind of looked at it like we were taking a step backwards, but he promises we aren't. i see what he's saying and i know he's right, i just don't want him to be. he said we will still see each other every day, promise. and we'll still sleep together at night. i'm still sad over this because i just like coming home after work and him being there, ya know. i like seeing him every morning and i'm going to miss him saying goodbye to me when i go to work. i'm going to miss that a lot. he always kisses me goodbye before i go to work. i'm going to miss that. i'm making this sound like we're breaking up, but we're not. he told me he wants to stay with me for as long as possible, and this should be good for us for now and for in the long run. i want to be with him for..well, forever if possible. i guess i'm still just trying to accept this decision. the only good side to it[that i see now], is that i'll be able to decorate my apartment full on hello kitty :) haha, i guess that's something to look forward to, heh. he said we'll give each other keys to each other's apartments and whatnot. i've become so comfortable with him being here with me all the time, it's going to be hard to get through this at first. i don't want anyone replying and saying,"oh...well....maybe he wants to get his own apartment so he can cheat on you." ...we're over that stage of accusing each other of stupid things. i know he'd never even think of cheating on me, and i never would either. that thought ran through my head at first, but that's just stupid. i know now, and always have known, that he really does love me. it's hard to get over that phase of accusing of him looking at girls, when he's really not, and accusing of him liking someone else, when there really isn't anyone else. it's strange because i still talk about him so highly like how i did when we first started dating. i really do think we're perfect for each other. i couldn't see myself with anyone else ever. we're not perfect at all by ourselves, but we just..i don't know, we bond well. [when we're not arguing over stupid stuff] we're going to look at some efficiencies today because if we're both not going to live in an apartment, that's all we'll really need. i do want a new mattress though. i don't have a tv or stereo or anything. is this going to make things better? i hope so