I'm scared to death because there are no ghosts here.
I'm growing older in someone else's house, and this room is haunted by decaying insecurity that eggs my own uncertainty on. I'm trying to make this place all my own, but the ghosts of other people are distracting, and my memory fails me in the sense that it can't stop reminding me of the people living in all my old houses. It's not even a clear snapshot of anything, just a feeling that says "you're forgetting something".
Panic. Look somewhere else. Curiosity brings me back to the insecurity that's soaked into the foundation of this house. It's like the mystery stain on the carpet that was there when we moved in. What are its origins? because I'm the only one that seems to be aware of it. Did someone else sit here squirming for hours, thinking the same thoughts that circle around my brain? Is that why I'm the only one that feels like someone's laughing at me when there's no one else around? Or did I just move this feeling in with all my other belongings last april, so it had the whole summer to settle into the walls and turn this room against me? Falling asleep last night I felt myself sinking into the bed and becoming part of everything in the room, and it scared me to death to realize that there are no ghosts here. It's my own self-conscience that laughs at me everyday; it knows that none of the promises I make to myself are sincere.
Panic. Look somewhere else. Curiosity brings me back to the insecurity that's soaked into the foundation of this house. It's like the mystery stain on the carpet that was there when we moved in. What are its origins? because I'm the only one that seems to be aware of it. Did someone else sit here squirming for hours, thinking the same thoughts that circle around my brain? Is that why I'm the only one that feels like someone's laughing at me when there's no one else around? Or did I just move this feeling in with all my other belongings last april, so it had the whole summer to settle into the walls and turn this room against me? Falling asleep last night I felt myself sinking into the bed and becoming part of everything in the room, and it scared me to death to realize that there are no ghosts here. It's my own self-conscience that laughs at me everyday; it knows that none of the promises I make to myself are sincere.