New Years Resolutions
I feel all side-ways, lopsided and turned around right now. My eyes are like saucers, and burning.. man they're burning.. but I don't want to miss a thing, so open they'll stay. I'm in a state where if you look at me a certain way I'll just laugh and everything gets sucked away. It's like New Years Eve and I'm half drunk and half retarded, not thinking about anything but the people around me. I've never had so many drunken embraces. Tomorrow morning there might be a headache, and I have no idea what will go down before the day ends.. Probably nothing out of the ordinary... but I'm in such a state that the whole idea of tomorrow has got me pretty god damn excited. Maybe I should make some sort of resolution.. but then again, when have I ever done that?
It's been like starting over. Completely starting over. I waited for this. I waited two years to feel like this. I hoped for it on New Years, and I begged September three times to help me out. So many chances to make it right, to make ME right. Am I alright now? Mostly yes. I'm still scared, and sleep still escapes me some nights... But I feel brand new right now, just fresh out of the package. haha did you see me smile just then? It's an impulse that I can't control, and for once that's ok. It's ok, everything is O.K. It's doable, it's dealable (shh that is a word) and it's all going to be ok.
Ask me what my lowest moment was, and when, and I'll give you a date and a time.. and then I'll tell you just how far away from that patch of floor, from that cry of anguish I am. You'll see, it's farther than even I can comprehend. I don't know how I got here specifically, but here I am... I had all these ingredients... and boy did they cost a lot... but September decided to listen this year, and proved that it wasn't in vain.. The past two years were NOT a waste. September is my savior... but he did have a little help.
...and there's still so far to go, but look at where I am... Just look. I'm smiling, and I'm laughing... It feels so good to look around and actually take it all in, to actually feel something as it's happening... to feel like me again...
It's been like starting over. Completely starting over. I waited for this. I waited two years to feel like this. I hoped for it on New Years, and I begged September three times to help me out. So many chances to make it right, to make ME right. Am I alright now? Mostly yes. I'm still scared, and sleep still escapes me some nights... But I feel brand new right now, just fresh out of the package. haha did you see me smile just then? It's an impulse that I can't control, and for once that's ok. It's ok, everything is O.K. It's doable, it's dealable (shh that is a word) and it's all going to be ok.
Ask me what my lowest moment was, and when, and I'll give you a date and a time.. and then I'll tell you just how far away from that patch of floor, from that cry of anguish I am. You'll see, it's farther than even I can comprehend. I don't know how I got here specifically, but here I am... I had all these ingredients... and boy did they cost a lot... but September decided to listen this year, and proved that it wasn't in vain.. The past two years were NOT a waste. September is my savior... but he did have a little help.
...and there's still so far to go, but look at where I am... Just look. I'm smiling, and I'm laughing... It feels so good to look around and actually take it all in, to actually feel something as it's happening... to feel like me again...