i dont know what it is lately...
i feel so wrong...
three jobs.
full time school.
stupid boy.
i guess its normal to feel shitty and stressed out when you have that much going on...but i thought that it would all be better when he got home. i was wrong. i dont know if life got any better when he got out. i love that he's home...but i hate it at the same time. now he has even more power, more oppurtunity to hurt me.
this sounds horrible...but at least when he was locked up...i knew where he was, i knew he wasnt doing anything wrong...with anyone. ya know? being so busy and knowing he's not...just adds so much stress to my plate.
i even went on his stupid myspace...and even though there wasn't anything that bad...there was still something that put a huge ball of shit in my throught. and it made me tear up. may be he just doesnt care, may be i'm way too sensitive, may be he cant give me what i need. what do i need? attention? to be loved like i love?
may be i'm just crazy. and way too insecure.
i hate how i can forgive...but never forget. i hate that those things that happened in the past, those really shitty things, will stick with me forever. they make my heart ache...my stomach hurt...my heart sink...fuck...they just make me miserable.
does anyone have any suggestions for me to get over this shit?
living is stupid right now.
i dont know anything anymore. :(
three jobs.
full time school.
stupid boy.
i guess its normal to feel shitty and stressed out when you have that much going on...but i thought that it would all be better when he got home. i was wrong. i dont know if life got any better when he got out. i love that he's home...but i hate it at the same time. now he has even more power, more oppurtunity to hurt me.
this sounds horrible...but at least when he was locked up...i knew where he was, i knew he wasnt doing anything wrong...with anyone. ya know? being so busy and knowing he's not...just adds so much stress to my plate.
i even went on his stupid myspace...and even though there wasn't anything that bad...there was still something that put a huge ball of shit in my throught. and it made me tear up. may be he just doesnt care, may be i'm way too sensitive, may be he cant give me what i need. what do i need? attention? to be loved like i love?
may be i'm just crazy. and way too insecure.
i hate how i can forgive...but never forget. i hate that those things that happened in the past, those really shitty things, will stick with me forever. they make my heart ache...my stomach hurt...my heart sink...fuck...they just make me miserable.
does anyone have any suggestions for me to get over this shit?
living is stupid right now.
i dont know anything anymore. :(