But I wasn't born to die like a dog, I was born to die just like a man.
So I'm pacing around my apartment right now - want to go to bed but don't know where to start. My thoughts are coming in short punctuated bursts - moreso than usual - and I'm trying to convince myself I'm not just finally losing my mind but rather, going through a transition that's needed to happen for months now but for some reason hasn't.
From where and who I was then to where and who I am now.
Maybe? I'd really, really like to think so.
Here we are - one year of stability, one year of recovery, one year of progress. I will not let the memory of those few days out of that one year set me back. To do that would be illogical and counter-productive and all-around stupid.
I've been caught in the past for far too long; the present is more awesome than I'd like to give it credit for and in denying it, I've been doing myself and those around me a great injustice.
I need to not let my shame and self-deprecation hold me back from continuing to progress.
I need to face any issues head-on rather than relying on any sort of crutch.
I need to look ahead and appreciate everything I'm lucky enough to be able to say I have.
I need to not type things out in this ridiculous list form.
I've been dealt the hardest year (and a half?) of my life. But I've come out of it stronger - though granted, slightly more cynical - and I'm too goddamn smart and awesome to host this one person pity-party any longer.
This is the part where I become frighteningly aware that I am attempting to make some sort of life-affirming proclamation via fucking LiveJournal of all places, feel slightly embarrassed, and wrap this shit up as abruptly as it started.
This is the part where I realize I'm tired of talking - all I do is run my mouth, even if I'm the only one around.
I think I'm ready for bed.
From where and who I was then to where and who I am now.
Maybe? I'd really, really like to think so.
Here we are - one year of stability, one year of recovery, one year of progress. I will not let the memory of those few days out of that one year set me back. To do that would be illogical and counter-productive and all-around stupid.
I've been caught in the past for far too long; the present is more awesome than I'd like to give it credit for and in denying it, I've been doing myself and those around me a great injustice.
I need to not let my shame and self-deprecation hold me back from continuing to progress.
I need to face any issues head-on rather than relying on any sort of crutch.
I need to look ahead and appreciate everything I'm lucky enough to be able to say I have.
I need to not type things out in this ridiculous list form.
I've been dealt the hardest year (and a half?) of my life. But I've come out of it stronger - though granted, slightly more cynical - and I'm too goddamn smart and awesome to host this one person pity-party any longer.
This is the part where I become frighteningly aware that I am attempting to make some sort of life-affirming proclamation via fucking LiveJournal of all places, feel slightly embarrassed, and wrap this shit up as abruptly as it started.
This is the part where I realize I'm tired of talking - all I do is run my mouth, even if I'm the only one around.
I think I'm ready for bed.