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[neptune_jackass]

It'd been three weeks since my girlfriend was murdered. Twenty-one days since I got the call from Veronica as she sobbed into the phone and tried to explain the unexplainable. I could remember everything about that night. I remembered pulling up at the Kane house and the cops trying to keep me back. I remembered sneaking around back and Veronica

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[neptune_jackass]

Man, this was total insanity. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. If I'd found out Lilly was my sister...yeah, I couldn't go there. I just totally grossed myself out

[returnofthekane]

"Apparently there aren't enough pills in the world either, according to my mom I need to flesh out my mood. I'm letting this Veronica business destroy my motivation. It's like I have to remind her that Lilly existed

[neptune_jackass]

It enraged me to think about how the Kanes were dealing with Lilly's death. They'd practically locked Duncan in that house so that he was surrounded with reminders of his sister, but then they expected him to act like she was never there. Like anyone could ever forget Lilly Kane. It was impossible

[returnofthekane]

I smiled to myself, loud rock music, a fire and pleanty of Lilly stories to go around. It would be perfect; alright close to perfect, perfect would be having Veronica there to join in, but we both knew that would never happen; not now, not ever again. This was the end of the fab four, the bitter end

[neptune_jackass]

"I wish I could forget it." I admitted, as I took the exit that lead to the beach house. I knew the fridge would be stocked with beer and food, Dad had made sure of it. Whatever I needed to get be through it, was what he'd said.

"You were out of it, but it was probably for the best. People spoke but it was all people that Lilly hated. They told stories your mom approved and honestly, your dad was just as out of it as you were. I guess I should have been shocked by how calm your mom was, but I wasn't. Lilly always said your mom wished she..."

I let my words trail off because it wasn't right. That was still his mother and as much as I hated both his parents for the shit they put Lilly and Duncan through, I didn't want to add to his stress. It was best to just stick to the subject of Lilly and avoid anything else to do with Neptune, his parents and Veronica especially.

[returnofthekane]

"she hated Lilly. Maybe Lilly looked too much like Lianne, maybe Lilly wasn't enough like me, but that's why most people loved her, but not mom."

I didn't care that I was talking bad about someone who raised me, Lilly was gone and my mom didn't seem to care. That warranted my anger.

"Dad always just let her get all over Lilly, always, he never once stood up to her and I didn't either. Only Lilly did that. Sometimes I think she acted so crazy just to keep the heat off me, to keep mom from bothering me when she knew I jsut wanted to be left alone."

Now there's no one to shield me, there is no Lilly anymore and I want to scream and rage like I hadn't been able to before.

"I take that back, he wouldn't let her pack up Lilly's room. She wanted to turn it into a study for me, I think he knew I didn't want that, or maybe he just couldn't stand it either, so he just said no. That was the end of it."

[neptune_jackass]

"Your dad loved her." I said, and I wasn't in the mood to defend the Kanes, but something told me Duncan needed something to hold on too. He needed to know that he hadn't lost the only family who really cared.

"Your mom loved her too. Maybe she didn't like her, but she loved her. Parents can be weird and it's easy to forget they love us even when their actions say otherwise. Sometimes they are just more fucked up than we are."

Lilly's words to me back when she first noticed the scars that my father left on me. No one else knew. Lilly kept that secret despite her pleading for me to tell someone. She never forgave my mother for not standing up for me. Just like I'd never forgive her father for not standing up for her. She and I were a lot alike and I was kind of glad Duncan never experienced a parent's hate. It was hard to swallow.

[returnofthekane]

I just nod, knowing he's right. They loved Lilly in their own way, I just wished they'd shown her when she was alive, I can't count how many times she mentioned mom and dad hating her, wanting a different kind of daughter. It made me hate them, hate them for pretending like I was perfect.

I looked at him from the corner of my eye, it wasn't a secret that Logan's dad was a grade A asshole, I knew that well enough from the hundred's of times Logan would stumble into my room half drunk, yelling about his dad's latest whatever. And that was before he and Lilly started going out.

I didn't care for the man, or his daughter, I also resented Mrs. Echolls for letting Aaron treat Logan the way he did, but my own family was fucked up enough that I can't really pass judgement on Logan's can I?

"Which is a pretty scary thought when you look at us."

[neptune_jackass]

Wasn't that the truth? I laughed a little at what he said. It was good to see a little of the old Duncan returning.

"You ever worry about that? Worry we'll end up like them because of genetics and that nature versus nurture shit since they were the nature and the nurture?"

It was a deep question and people would be surprised to know that every once and awhile, Duncan and I conversed beyond the latest dude what's up lingo that most guys stick with. It was easier to talk when it was just the two of us. We got where the other was coming from in a way the girls never could. Much like we never understood have the shit they rambled on about.

[returnofthekane]

I thought about it all the time. I used to be proud to bare the Kane name, feeling like I was on top of the world. It wasn't hard since that's where I'd been placed my entire life. It was like a badge of honor and now, now it felt like a big red A stitched into all my clothes.

"Especially now. I mean my dad's like this icon of self respect, dignity, wealth, class you know? But really he's just a lying son of a bitch in the end. I don't want to be like that. Like either of them, but is it inevitable? Am I destined to be ... him?"

It's not the kind of conversation we have every day. Not even the kind of conversation we have once a week, but we have them. Logan's not stupid like people try to make him out to be. He's not as big of a jackass either; but he doesn't really let people see that.

I'm glad I'm one of the few, or the three. That's all changed now though hasn't it? Numbers don't matter, they're just numbers, figures on a piece of paper that have no meaning anymore.

[neptune_jackass]

"No." I said, reaching over to change the station. Mostly wanted something to do with my hands because I knew what I was about to say was going to open a can of worms that I couldn't take back. Thing was, fuck, he told me his family secret. Might as well make it fair.

"You aren't destined to be your dad. Trust me. There is no way I'll be my old man. No way in hell."

My voice is shaking and I'm tempted to back out. The only reason Lilly knew was she'd seen the scars. She'd taken care of me when I refused to go to the hospital because the last thing we could have was that kind of scandal hitting the papers. That was the night before he bought me the new car.

"I won't beat the shit out of kids. I won't terrorize my family behind closed doors while being the hero to fans everywhere in public. I won't be like my mom either. Too scared to step in and do something about it. We aren't destined to be our parents. I refuse to believe that."

[returnofthekane]

I sat there looking at him, my mouth was hung open. Had he just said what I thought he said? The fact that he was gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white told me I'd heard him correctly.

"He ... you ... I'm going to kill him! How could he ever, that fucking ..."

I sounded like Logan, or how Logan would sound if I'd told him the same thing, I had to calm down, all I could see was red flashing before my eyes. I knew what it was like to want to just smack Logan for being a dumbass, but that was completely different from his father just beating the shit out of him.

"Why didn't you tell me? We could have done something, told someone ..."

How could I not have known? I've known Logan since we were like 6, kindergarten to grade school, junior high and high school. He might have only moved to neptune when he was 12 but I've known him almost my whole life and I never even had a clue.

I never thought, even with Aaron Echolls being as big of a prick as he is, that he would beat Logan. And Mrs. Echolls just what? Let