An Elaborate Dream
I'm back! And it's not 10 years down the road... Wow. I wonder what I'll be doing in ten years. You know what I hope I WON'T be doing? Dealing with chronic shoulder & back pain. Yea. That's a thing, but I'm alive. And I have a cat snuggling with.. And giving me weird looks in relation to the NIN song that's on. Guess the title?
Anyway, what's there to complain about.
See the animal in his cage that you built, are you sure what side you're on?
Today I'm reminded that hard times lead to good lead to more hard times and back around again. My mental head space has been pretty balanced lately... But it's coming off years of discontent or grief. I think it was grief. I've never really dealt with grief in a normal way. And I didn't understand until recently that grief isn't just tied to loss via death.
Anyway, I wonder if I'll maintain balance from here on out? I'm not so sure it's possible. But it doesn't mean I won't try. I have a lot of work to do yet. I think going back to therapy could help... I'm a little broken, I probably always will be, but the more I understand how I was broken and who I am today because of it, the more likely I'll be ok in the long run.
Life really does pass so quickly. In the blink of an eye it will feel like it's over.
Something that's helped me is to hold on to music. I'm not poetic in the way that I write, so when I hear a song that resonates, whether musically or lyrically, it's like a healing balm. Or sometimes it's like an awakening - a realization that I feel a certain way about something even when I didn't have words for those feels. And sometimes it just introduces you to a new way of thinking about life or experiences all together.
"I all I want to do is live my life honestly... Every regret I have, I will set it free. And it will be good for me... It will be good for me."
You know.. I love cats. I always have. And I always will.
I'm just blabbering on now because I'm enjoying listening to tunes... NIN right now. "Something I Can Never Have..." And next I think I want to listen to some APC. That said, I should get on to bed. Tomorrow I'm going to do some introductory training at a wildlife rehabber's house. It's not where I would choose to do rehab, but there aren't any hospitals in the area that do it, so this will have to do (for now).
Long blinks are happening. I think I'm losing the sleepy battle, even though I want to stay awake badly for the music.
Speaking of which... It's time I go get those incubus, NIN, & APC tattoos. For real. Deftones is lonely down there.
Ok. I'm out.
Sleepy Samantha (& Linus Kitty) - You'd like him, Mo.