just call me madame bovary

[nephthys224]

So I was thinking earlier. Just random, nonsensical stuff... I was thinking about how paralyzing choice can be, and how cruel we are for telling children that they can be anything they want to be, that there's a world of possibilities out there. Because there's always that doubt lurking in the back of the mind (or in my mind, at least) about

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[nephthys224]

The problem is, I'm not sure about any of these things... I'm actually really, really happy with Rick, but am getting a little "freaked out", for lack of a better term, at how serious things have gotten. I'm only twenty-three (well, I will be in a month or so), and have dated a whopping total of three people in my entire life, Rick included. So while I am really happy with the way things are going, I'm a bit panicky about committing myself too early in life. My parents were already married at this age, and they are completely, utterly wrong for each other-- I'm paranoid I'm going to wind up like they are (but then, who isn't scared of turning into their parents, hehe).

Actually, my biggest doubts at this point are about my choice of career, not my relationship. I'm still passionate about archaeology, but am getting increasingly fed up with all the bullshit, backstabbing, badmouthing, and shameless ass-kissing involved in building a career in academia. It's been hard to admit this to myself since I was stubbornly determined to succeed in this field, but it may just be that I am not cut out to be an archaeologist, and I've started looking at other options. I've decided to at least complete my MA before taking any drastic steps, though. I think you're right, though, that I need to consider what I want out of life now, before I get to a point where I feel trapped. I have no kids, no house payments, and nothing to stop me from moving to Tibet and becoming a goatherd, if I so choose-- now is definitely the time to change, if change is what I want. But I also want to make sure that I am not just being melodramatic, and running away from people and things that make me happy just because I have "cold feet".

And I'd definitely love to meet up-- I'm off until Feb. 25th, so anytime you feel like escaping for a bit, just let me know. :)