Lithium
Ever since the release of the new Evanescence album "The Open Door" I have bee oddly attached to this one song called "Lithium." Ya I know, "I'm obsessed" and what not, but it wouldn't matter what group made this song it still spoke to me in a very person way. Anyway, I Finally write down the lyrics and realized how this song really pertains to my life and where I am in it. I just wanted to write down the lyrics and my meanings to them since I haven't updated in a while. This has been the most writing about myself I have done in a while that wasn't considered an assignment, so I thought it would be a good L.J. Entry.
*(Chorus 1)*
*- LITHIUM, DON'T WANT TO LOCK ME UP INSIDE.
(I don't want to always be sad anymore. I don't want every little thing to shut me down when I get hurt.)
*- LITHIUM, DON'T WANT TO FORGET HOW IT FEELS WITHOUT...
("" "" ""... my sadness. It has defined who I was for so long cause it was always there. It helped to mold me. It became me/made me/was/is me.)
*- LITHIUM, I WANT TO STAY IN-LOVE WITH MY SORROW,
((What it says) and it felt good. It was comforting staying in the sadness. It felt better then denying it or forgetting it. When I "wallowed" in my sadness it made me feel like I was getting rid of it. But instead I was only making it stronger.)
- OH, BUT GOD I WANNA LET IT GO.
(What it says.)
- COME TO BED, DON'T MAKE ME SLEEP ALONE.
(I don't want to be/feel alone anymore.)
- COULDN'T HIDE THE EMPTINESS, YOU LET IT SHOW.
(I finally couldn't hide my sorrow/emptiness anymore. Everyone I get close to sees it. I did try and hide it but it would not hide.)
- NEVER WANTED IT TO BE SO COLD.
(I never wanted my life to be so cold and alone. I could not stop it from becoming this way.)
- JUST DIDN'T DRINK ENOUGH TO SAY YOU LOVED ME.
(I could never do enough, be enough for someone to say they loved me, for someone to show they cared, for someone to tell me they will always be there... and mean it.)
**(Chorus 2)**
**- I CAN'T HOLD ON TO ME. WONDER WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.
(I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I cannot comfort myself anymore. I'm loosing my humanity. I don't know what's wrong with me.)
*-(Chorus 1)
(Refer back to chorus 1.)
- DON'T WANT TO LAY ME DOWN THIS TIME.
(I don't want to drown in sadness anymore.)
- DROWN MY WILL TO FLY.
(I know I will never be the happiest but I just want to feel normal.)
- HERE IN THE DARKNESS I KNOW MYSELF.
(What it says) I've been living in my sadness for so long it's all I know anymore. I am used to it. I know how I am in my sorrow.)
- CAN'T BREAK FREE UNTIL I LET IT GO, LET ME GO.
(I can't know anything else but numbness and unhappiness until I let it go and try to move forward, past sadness. But sometimes it's difficult. It feels as if the sadness is the one who won't let go.)
- DARLING I FORGIVE YOU AFTER ALL.
- ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN TO BE ALONE.
((Describing how I can be with people) When I really feel or want to feel connected with someone, I end up forgiving them or forgetting what they did when they've done something, to me, that's wrong. I do this because it's more heartbreaking to loose this possible friendship rather than forget it and ignore their true personality. Ignorance is bliss...)
- AND IN THE END I GUESS I HAD TO FALL.
(I had to finally hit rock bottom(emotionally at least) in order to see how I really was and what I really need.)
- ALWAYS FIND MY PLACE AMONG THE ASHES.
(I always end up being the one of the used, the left-overs, the worthless, and the lowest form of life.)
**- (Chorus 2.)
(Refer to Chorus 2.)
*- (Chorus 1.)
(Refer to Chorus 1.)
- OH, I'M GONNA LET IT GO...
((What it says)... I have to let it go...)
*(Chorus 1)*
*- LITHIUM, DON'T WANT TO LOCK ME UP INSIDE.
(I don't want to always be sad anymore. I don't want every little thing to shut me down when I get hurt.)
*- LITHIUM, DON'T WANT TO FORGET HOW IT FEELS WITHOUT...
("" "" ""... my sadness. It has defined who I was for so long cause it was always there. It helped to mold me. It became me/made me/was/is me.)
*- LITHIUM, I WANT TO STAY IN-LOVE WITH MY SORROW,
((What it says) and it felt good. It was comforting staying in the sadness. It felt better then denying it or forgetting it. When I "wallowed" in my sadness it made me feel like I was getting rid of it. But instead I was only making it stronger.)
- OH, BUT GOD I WANNA LET IT GO.
(What it says.)
- COME TO BED, DON'T MAKE ME SLEEP ALONE.
(I don't want to be/feel alone anymore.)
- COULDN'T HIDE THE EMPTINESS, YOU LET IT SHOW.
(I finally couldn't hide my sorrow/emptiness anymore. Everyone I get close to sees it. I did try and hide it but it would not hide.)
- NEVER WANTED IT TO BE SO COLD.
(I never wanted my life to be so cold and alone. I could not stop it from becoming this way.)
- JUST DIDN'T DRINK ENOUGH TO SAY YOU LOVED ME.
(I could never do enough, be enough for someone to say they loved me, for someone to show they cared, for someone to tell me they will always be there... and mean it.)
**(Chorus 2)**
**- I CAN'T HOLD ON TO ME. WONDER WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.
(I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I cannot comfort myself anymore. I'm loosing my humanity. I don't know what's wrong with me.)
*-(Chorus 1)
(Refer back to chorus 1.)
- DON'T WANT TO LAY ME DOWN THIS TIME.
(I don't want to drown in sadness anymore.)
- DROWN MY WILL TO FLY.
(I know I will never be the happiest but I just want to feel normal.)
- HERE IN THE DARKNESS I KNOW MYSELF.
(What it says) I've been living in my sadness for so long it's all I know anymore. I am used to it. I know how I am in my sorrow.)
- CAN'T BREAK FREE UNTIL I LET IT GO, LET ME GO.
(I can't know anything else but numbness and unhappiness until I let it go and try to move forward, past sadness. But sometimes it's difficult. It feels as if the sadness is the one who won't let go.)
- DARLING I FORGIVE YOU AFTER ALL.
- ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN TO BE ALONE.
((Describing how I can be with people) When I really feel or want to feel connected with someone, I end up forgiving them or forgetting what they did when they've done something, to me, that's wrong. I do this because it's more heartbreaking to loose this possible friendship rather than forget it and ignore their true personality. Ignorance is bliss...)
- AND IN THE END I GUESS I HAD TO FALL.
(I had to finally hit rock bottom(emotionally at least) in order to see how I really was and what I really need.)
- ALWAYS FIND MY PLACE AMONG THE ASHES.
(I always end up being the one of the used, the left-overs, the worthless, and the lowest form of life.)
**- (Chorus 2.)
(Refer to Chorus 2.)
*- (Chorus 1.)
(Refer to Chorus 1.)
- OH, I'M GONNA LET IT GO...
((What it says)... I have to let it go...)