Oct 02, 2006 22:11
Ever had a thought that you didn't want to think? Yet there it was, wandering around in the recesses of your brain, perhaps inviting a few mates around, organising some snacks & drinks, maybe a few dvds, anything to get a crowd in really. And there you are acting the role of the pain in the arse neighbour, bashing on the door, telling them to turn the music down - but mostly just being ignored. Where'd that silly bastard thought come from in the first place though you wonder? you look around innocently for the culprit who invited him but he's long since shot through, or perhaps he's actually right there and is sitting there laughing at your impotence - either way it amounts to the same thing.
We like to think that we are masters of our own destiny, but I think most of us realise that in reality such is rather far from the case. The problem is this silly matter of emotions, where do they come from? Well I'm thinking that in any sentient life form there are certain base responces - fear & greed (and their direct derivatives) - responces designed to keep the life form alive and allow it the best chance of mulitplying. Pretty obvious really, avoid pain so that our physical being is not destroyed, eat & drink when we feel the desire for food & water to sustain ourselves, mate when we feel lust to sustain the species, run when we feel fear of the big predator that is licking it's lips at the tasty morsel that is us - like I said "obvious". Complex emotions are, it seems to me, merely odd byproducts of our intelligence getting down and dirty with our base responces (there are probably "real" terms for these concepts - but bugger it, I dont know them so I'm making up my own). Emotions are casualities, or perhaps offspring, of the war between intelligence & instinct. As so often happens in conflit, any conflict, both sides suffer - results are achieved that are often detrimental to both sides. In this case both our intellectual & instinctual best interests can be sent up the proverbial creek when silly emotions play too strong a role in our thought processes.
For instance here I am happily going about my life, having some fun, doing what I want to do, doing fairly well at it really, minding my own business but sometimes these odd thoughts creep up on me, thoughts that break my own rules. Thoughts that I KNOW I shouldn't be thinking, thoughts that I really know are only likely to lead to misfortune, why do I think them? Well I guess I'd be lying if I said I dont enjoy thinking them, dont enjoy a certain anticipation... And I guess this is my downfall - for all my "intelligence" I believe too strongly in reacting to each situation in an intuitive & genuine manner, I believe in doing what I want to, not following rules merely for the sake of following rules, even my own. So I wander on, not oblivious to the pitfalls by any means, but like the proverbial cat altogether too curious of where these fun thoughts may lead....silly cats....ah well
Perhaps (and it's my suspicion that) life is about learning to truly avoid this conflict, learning to ignore the siren's call of the fabled though mostly imagined treasure conjured by the emotions. Perhaps we really do just make these mistakes we so consistantly make to learn from them, learn not to tread the paths we hunger emotionally after: revenge, success, material wealth, admiration, other things. (Note that some of these things may commonly be thought to be "intellectual desires" but I don't really belive that - desire in itself is not logical and therefore runs contary to intellect - ideally, logically, we should be happy with whatever we happen to have)
Or perhaps, just perhaps, life is about embracing this conflict between intelligence & instinct, yin & yang, heart and head. Still learning from mistakes but learning not to avoid emotions, learning to serve them more truly and more honestly. Perhpas in the end emotions are truly what make us human and what we are here for. Perhaps life is about learning to endure the conflict and find that oh so tenuous a path through the battlefield to a place and situation where both sides prevail, where BOTH sides benifit...
Oooooohhh that'd be nice
Sounds a bit like a fairytale though doesn't it??