The only constant is change, right?
My world is truly changing. It's happening so fast, but my head is not spinning. I think I'm actually grinning ear to ear when my stomach isn't so full of butterflies. So I'm a nervous wreck. Sue me!
I'm currently training to do professional voice over. A few years back the seed was planted in my head to get into voice over, namely, cartoon and animation voiceover. Apparently I have quite a talent for making up voices, mocking other people's voices, and creating odd sound effects. At work I do it all the time, and people think I'm freakin' nuts. Little do they know my vocal psychosis is pure money. Not only that, but it's pure fun.
As many of you know, or suspect, I kind of hate my job. Well, scratch that--I LOVE what I do. Ultrasound rocks. Any modality of ultrasound fascinates me, and the modality I am proficient at brings me both joy and challenge...everything a person needs for a long lasting career. However, I do not enjoy my place of work. I don't enjoy being mistreated, mismanaged, or left to hang out to dry. I'm a guy, and its painful to admit this, but, I'm kind of scared to go to work. I have no idea what could happen at any moment, no clue as to what sort of abusive mood my boss chooses to be in. The women in my department are very upset, sometimes very angry, but often disenfranchised and disconnected. Its hard to come to work when all these young women say to me "I'd rather get hit by a bus than be here today." It's truly sad.
Recently, in a heated discussion with one of my female coworkers, my boss decided in her frustration to not only slam some doors, but throw a stack of papers at her. This left me dazed. My coworker did not want to report her, and I even told her she HAD to do something. She did not. Now its like a dark cloud hanging over us all. I have a boss who literally should have been suspended, if not fired outright, who continues to treat us like we're children. I'm fed up with this shit! I'm fed up with my boss talking about other people behind their back. I'm tired of being blamed for shit that isn't my fault. I'm tired of feeling like I want to cry at least one day of a work week because of how frustrated I feel. (And yes, I'm man enough to admit when I feel sad/frustrated enough to cry). I can't get angry, because that just puts my job in jeopardy. So like the expected male toughguy image, I have to just suck it up and pretend life is peachy. Well, it ain't.
Monday morning, my coworkers and I will address these issues. We are forcing a confrontation that she does not wholly expect with a mediator present who has a great deal of power in either a favorable or unfavorable outcome. Favorable: The mediator sees our point of view and takes action to help us and the department get back on track. Unfavorable: The mediator sees us as a bunch of whiny crybabies who are thin-skinned trouble makers. Of course I do see the gray area where absolutely nothing changes. If this is such, then this is most assuredly my last year at the hospital. If I can make it to July, I'm set. At least I have that option.
I just haven't been happy for a long time. I've been escaping to video games and books to comfort my mind, when in fact it is swirling like a vortex. I haven't had the strength or bravery to talk about it on this journal, because it just brings all this shit to a head. People probably get fucking tired of reading about problems, and in fact I've been "defriended" by some because I "am fucking miserable all the time". This of course is not true, but my happiness is certainly buried. I'm hoping to change that, and the thought excites me.
Not only am I training for a new/supplementary career, but I'm actively trying to get out and meet members of the fairer sex! I do have an online profile out there, but I'm embarrassed to share it here! Besides, my coworkers already mercilessly attack it in order to help me "find the right girl". Yeah, yeah. We'll see how it goes. Its exciting...and it makes me get butterflies in my stomach. Well, that and going to New York City to train and audition against people well established in the entertainment industry. I feel like I'm in the presence of giants, and I fail to see that I could one day be amongst them.
I'm currently training to do professional voice over. A few years back the seed was planted in my head to get into voice over, namely, cartoon and animation voiceover. Apparently I have quite a talent for making up voices, mocking other people's voices, and creating odd sound effects. At work I do it all the time, and people think I'm freakin' nuts. Little do they know my vocal psychosis is pure money. Not only that, but it's pure fun.
As many of you know, or suspect, I kind of hate my job. Well, scratch that--I LOVE what I do. Ultrasound rocks. Any modality of ultrasound fascinates me, and the modality I am proficient at brings me both joy and challenge...everything a person needs for a long lasting career. However, I do not enjoy my place of work. I don't enjoy being mistreated, mismanaged, or left to hang out to dry. I'm a guy, and its painful to admit this, but, I'm kind of scared to go to work. I have no idea what could happen at any moment, no clue as to what sort of abusive mood my boss chooses to be in. The women in my department are very upset, sometimes very angry, but often disenfranchised and disconnected. Its hard to come to work when all these young women say to me "I'd rather get hit by a bus than be here today." It's truly sad.
Recently, in a heated discussion with one of my female coworkers, my boss decided in her frustration to not only slam some doors, but throw a stack of papers at her. This left me dazed. My coworker did not want to report her, and I even told her she HAD to do something. She did not. Now its like a dark cloud hanging over us all. I have a boss who literally should have been suspended, if not fired outright, who continues to treat us like we're children. I'm fed up with this shit! I'm fed up with my boss talking about other people behind their back. I'm tired of being blamed for shit that isn't my fault. I'm tired of feeling like I want to cry at least one day of a work week because of how frustrated I feel. (And yes, I'm man enough to admit when I feel sad/frustrated enough to cry). I can't get angry, because that just puts my job in jeopardy. So like the expected male toughguy image, I have to just suck it up and pretend life is peachy. Well, it ain't.
Monday morning, my coworkers and I will address these issues. We are forcing a confrontation that she does not wholly expect with a mediator present who has a great deal of power in either a favorable or unfavorable outcome. Favorable: The mediator sees our point of view and takes action to help us and the department get back on track. Unfavorable: The mediator sees us as a bunch of whiny crybabies who are thin-skinned trouble makers. Of course I do see the gray area where absolutely nothing changes. If this is such, then this is most assuredly my last year at the hospital. If I can make it to July, I'm set. At least I have that option.
I just haven't been happy for a long time. I've been escaping to video games and books to comfort my mind, when in fact it is swirling like a vortex. I haven't had the strength or bravery to talk about it on this journal, because it just brings all this shit to a head. People probably get fucking tired of reading about problems, and in fact I've been "defriended" by some because I "am fucking miserable all the time". This of course is not true, but my happiness is certainly buried. I'm hoping to change that, and the thought excites me.
Not only am I training for a new/supplementary career, but I'm actively trying to get out and meet members of the fairer sex! I do have an online profile out there, but I'm embarrassed to share it here! Besides, my coworkers already mercilessly attack it in order to help me "find the right girl". Yeah, yeah. We'll see how it goes. Its exciting...and it makes me get butterflies in my stomach. Well, that and going to New York City to train and audition against people well established in the entertainment industry. I feel like I'm in the presence of giants, and I fail to see that I could one day be amongst them.