Motivation Issues
As always, motivation is a big topic for me. At the moment, I feel no motivation for work except a little tugging and voice that tell me I'd be absolutely screwed if I don't finish this tonight. It just occurred to me (again) that I have no motivation for writing in my paper journal anymore. Why, I'm not sure. I value it ...a lot, but I just can't bring myself to stand still I guess. I always fantasize that it'll be found years later when we blow each other up, and they'll use it to reconstruct daily life, then find out a deep dark secret in why we blew each other up and start a utopia. Of course, there'd be a corrupt government, organic constructs, and flying cars. Who could do without all that?
As for college. I don't enjoy it.
Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I hate it. It just means well, I feel like it's a souped up version of high school. The only real "college experience" I'm getting is living in a dorm, but even then I see my parents once a week. My sister continues to be insufferable and well, stupid. I think people in "normal" and "entitled" colleges would feel great every morning, able to explore new possibilities, and have some measure of complete freedom before having to choose a major and really dig in. I don't think I envy it too much, but I think I would have liked it. What I think I would have really liked is a campus where you can throw a ball on the green. There are complete asshole security guards, and I shall call them security guards because it makes them pissed, that see throwing a football as a federal offense. They seem to have nothing to do because they'll make sweeps every 5 minutes to make sure you're not even handling a hacky-sack. Dried up old men with no life are really undesirable people.
My experience with alcohol has been meh. To me, it's something you enjoy every once in a while. Enjoy means you taste it, not chug it down and inhale it. I will never understand the fascination people have with being piss drunk. Aside from knowing what kind of drunk you are, it's completely pointless and a waste of resources. You waste money, a hell of a lot of time, pride, and bodily fluids (that throwing up will take a lot out of you). I think I will very seriously be alcohol-celibate now though. Before I thought I just had normal asian flush, but after popping what looks like a capillary in my face, I don't think it's such a good idea to go on with the drinking crowd. People will pressure me, but one look in the mirror will remind me why I'm staying away from it.
I think drunk people are incredibly stupid. I stood at a drinking game, trying to understand the fun of it. For a second, I think I got it, and then I realized that it was dangerous in that I don't want any trouble from the dorm people, and that it's (once again) pointless for reasons stated above. I guess I'm just reasonable? I'm very partial to having a nice mixed drink amongst friends, only I don't think I can even do that anymore. Damn asian body.
I've also discovered that Hunter kids are like no other, and that they will find no other similar people anywhere. Who cares how many negatives there are in that sentence, shut up. The fact is that people from my high school are easy to spot and hard to find. It was kind of a freaky culture clash when I met my new classmates. Not only was I one of what, two? asian girls in my grade, but I lived my life mostly in Manhattan. Why nearly everyone is from Long Island, I do not know, but that also freaks me out. The way they speak and think is different. What is "bugging"?? Why do they have funny accents? What is this juvenile fascination with drinking? Why do they like going to clubs so much? What IS a a club? (just kidding)
It's funny how everyone keeps insisting that high school friends will forget each other after they leave, because it's not true. I remember my high school friends very well, I only hope that it's the same for them. I think I talk to them in some form or another enough, and I don't miss them because I feel like I'm always close to them. I really truly believe that no college friend of mine will reach the level of my close hunter friends now. It's very strange.
Hmm, other things I don't like about college. Courses hanging on tests, and there being only 2 of them. I think this is crazy. I can understand the logic, but I still think it's insane. Can you really test someone's knowledge on this? Why not just have an interview test at the end where you and the instructor have an hour long chat about whatever in the class? Somehow that seems more comprehensive to me. I can only see terrible cramming and idiots who take tests by chance and pass, in the future. Oh, bullshit professors, that's a big one. Don't get me started, at least, not yet.
Other things I find weird in college: the lack of knowledge of asian things, the absence of anime (like, completely, they hardly know what Pokemon are. ARE THESE PEOPLE LIVING IN AN OPAQUE BUBBLE?), lack of games or game knowledge, lack of street smarts, lack of mental subway maps. Oh I could go on and on, but I still have to do homework.
This doesn't mean I don't like college people...it just means I think they're fucking weird. But I guess that's how aliens feel about us. Sigh. What's worse is that I've recently gotten back into my fanfiction roots and it's ...terrible, absolutely terrible, a really bad sort of singularity that sucks things into an event horizon. Yeah, it's the return of trek. Serious trek bug has bitten me. I want to get pips and a commbadge for my birthday or christmas present, and I'm not kidding. I'm so mad a friend of mine for being a complete wuss and not getting me the most perfect present...then he got me nothing, so I felt like trash.
As for college. I don't enjoy it.
Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I hate it. It just means well, I feel like it's a souped up version of high school. The only real "college experience" I'm getting is living in a dorm, but even then I see my parents once a week. My sister continues to be insufferable and well, stupid. I think people in "normal" and "entitled" colleges would feel great every morning, able to explore new possibilities, and have some measure of complete freedom before having to choose a major and really dig in. I don't think I envy it too much, but I think I would have liked it. What I think I would have really liked is a campus where you can throw a ball on the green. There are complete asshole security guards, and I shall call them security guards because it makes them pissed, that see throwing a football as a federal offense. They seem to have nothing to do because they'll make sweeps every 5 minutes to make sure you're not even handling a hacky-sack. Dried up old men with no life are really undesirable people.
My experience with alcohol has been meh. To me, it's something you enjoy every once in a while. Enjoy means you taste it, not chug it down and inhale it. I will never understand the fascination people have with being piss drunk. Aside from knowing what kind of drunk you are, it's completely pointless and a waste of resources. You waste money, a hell of a lot of time, pride, and bodily fluids (that throwing up will take a lot out of you). I think I will very seriously be alcohol-celibate now though. Before I thought I just had normal asian flush, but after popping what looks like a capillary in my face, I don't think it's such a good idea to go on with the drinking crowd. People will pressure me, but one look in the mirror will remind me why I'm staying away from it.
I think drunk people are incredibly stupid. I stood at a drinking game, trying to understand the fun of it. For a second, I think I got it, and then I realized that it was dangerous in that I don't want any trouble from the dorm people, and that it's (once again) pointless for reasons stated above. I guess I'm just reasonable? I'm very partial to having a nice mixed drink amongst friends, only I don't think I can even do that anymore. Damn asian body.
I've also discovered that Hunter kids are like no other, and that they will find no other similar people anywhere. Who cares how many negatives there are in that sentence, shut up. The fact is that people from my high school are easy to spot and hard to find. It was kind of a freaky culture clash when I met my new classmates. Not only was I one of what, two? asian girls in my grade, but I lived my life mostly in Manhattan. Why nearly everyone is from Long Island, I do not know, but that also freaks me out. The way they speak and think is different. What is "bugging"?? Why do they have funny accents? What is this juvenile fascination with drinking? Why do they like going to clubs so much? What IS a a club? (just kidding)
It's funny how everyone keeps insisting that high school friends will forget each other after they leave, because it's not true. I remember my high school friends very well, I only hope that it's the same for them. I think I talk to them in some form or another enough, and I don't miss them because I feel like I'm always close to them. I really truly believe that no college friend of mine will reach the level of my close hunter friends now. It's very strange.
Hmm, other things I don't like about college. Courses hanging on tests, and there being only 2 of them. I think this is crazy. I can understand the logic, but I still think it's insane. Can you really test someone's knowledge on this? Why not just have an interview test at the end where you and the instructor have an hour long chat about whatever in the class? Somehow that seems more comprehensive to me. I can only see terrible cramming and idiots who take tests by chance and pass, in the future. Oh, bullshit professors, that's a big one. Don't get me started, at least, not yet.
Other things I find weird in college: the lack of knowledge of asian things, the absence of anime (like, completely, they hardly know what Pokemon are. ARE THESE PEOPLE LIVING IN AN OPAQUE BUBBLE?), lack of games or game knowledge, lack of street smarts, lack of mental subway maps. Oh I could go on and on, but I still have to do homework.
This doesn't mean I don't like college people...it just means I think they're fucking weird. But I guess that's how aliens feel about us. Sigh. What's worse is that I've recently gotten back into my fanfiction roots and it's ...terrible, absolutely terrible, a really bad sort of singularity that sucks things into an event horizon. Yeah, it's the return of trek. Serious trek bug has bitten me. I want to get pips and a commbadge for my birthday or christmas present, and I'm not kidding. I'm so mad a friend of mine for being a complete wuss and not getting me the most perfect present...then he got me nothing, so I felt like trash.