I can't stop thinking about this... it bothers me...

[neonfairy]

You know that feeling that makes your stomach swirl caused by a memory you were trying to supress... yeah... that's exactly how I feel...
You know when you do something completely out of character, without even thinking about all the possible consequences... without the strength to say no to something, so you did it anyway, with only one goal in mind: to forget... only you didn't... you made it worse... but you repeated it anyway... maybe you were drunk... maybe you were just that much torn apart... maybe you didn't think your reality was real... maybe... but somehow it manages to resurface even though you've convinced yourself that it was inexistent... fake... forgotten... and it haunts you... more than ruining the little reputation you had, it hurts you inside... to tell it in public through the lips of a hipocritical stranger so unaware of it all... to even remember... its shameful... to have a label darker than the one you deserve... to be a level below than the one you know you're at... it's nauseating... gros... disgusting... yeah, that's exactly how I feel... and it keeps getting worse... with every thought... every echoing voice... every memory...

" I don't give a fuck! " I tell myself... but then again, why do I even bother to fight it if it was not that important... maybe, because it is.

I wish I could make all this stop... but I can't... can't even let it go... i'm a mess...