a new startle reflex
Day 2 of new job about to start. I wish I was better at - everything, I suppose. I get alarming levels of fear up in any new situation. I try and concentrate but my mind floats some place else, some place empty. We'll see. It's far too soon to be thinking of how to escape. Things could even work out, I am just so tired and daunted I feel like I'm wandering a maze. I've found a cafe in Albert Park with an open fire and edible-ish biscuits and I'll be ok here for an hour or so.
I am making some efforts to reorient the way I think in order to make life easier. I brush my hair most mornings now, I attempt to focus and if I freeze when doing something I tell myself it's a sign to keep going. But I suspect willpower is only going to take me so far and that more powerful chemical measures could gather up my scatteredness if not completely at least in a way that might make me more employable, functional and groomed. The mean kids were right- I am not really cut out for life as we currently choose to deform it.
I am making some efforts to reorient the way I think in order to make life easier. I brush my hair most mornings now, I attempt to focus and if I freeze when doing something I tell myself it's a sign to keep going. But I suspect willpower is only going to take me so far and that more powerful chemical measures could gather up my scatteredness if not completely at least in a way that might make me more employable, functional and groomed. The mean kids were right- I am not really cut out for life as we currently choose to deform it.