(no subject)
Today, a job interview I most likely botched, and a trip to the doctor that may prove somewhat productive. It's hard to imagine any solution to my difficulty other than death (I'm not trying to be dramatic, I just do have this fear of being a burdensome useless creature and I want those feelings swirling round my head that tell me I am absolutely such a thing to stop now, or at least soonish) but maybe there are ways to get past the me-ness of me and get things working again. Perhaps I can repair myself. Perhaps.
I am attempting not to think excessively on anything that hasn't happened yet, and I am breaking the habit of a lifetime here. I am going to focus on the here and now. Get healthy, forgive myself, become a trifle saner even. I cannot let the worst psrts of myself suffocate everything else. I must believe that an "everything else" exists and then I need to fight for it.
I am attempting not to think excessively on anything that hasn't happened yet, and I am breaking the habit of a lifetime here. I am going to focus on the here and now. Get healthy, forgive myself, become a trifle saner even. I cannot let the worst psrts of myself suffocate everything else. I must believe that an "everything else" exists and then I need to fight for it.