round two of lousy.
And a week later I have another person giving me trouble on Facebook and once again it's a friend of a friend. I don't need to be agreed with constantly, but I am not quite sure why someone who does not actually know me feels it's fine to take time out of her day to attack me for being ill and depressed. So she can bugger off, as can creepy and demanding Caleb, and from this point forward I won't accept any friend requests from new people I don't know in real life. I don't need hundreds of online pals, especially "pals" that badger me, trample my boundaries or tell me that I suck for reasons I can do very little about. Social media can be such a mixed bag of experiences, can't it? I have very good relationships with some folks that I have virtually no contact with offline, but I am just going to be a hell of a lot more careful going forward. I haven't been anywhere near seriously harassed like some people I know. I haven't been stalked or threatened online (though I have to my face) but I feel justified in battening down my hatches nonetheless.
In related news, I have a cold that won't quit and am still terrified by my new job. I feel like I've leapt in a big hole and can only dig further downward. I have a hard time seeing it end well, I'm too tired for optimism. Sorry to all those bored by my neurosis on this point. I am trying to rise above the part of me that feels nothing but frightened and useless, I really am. Anxiety disorders are awfully persuasive things, really. I sometimes think about going back to therapy, although that can be daunting too. I don't like to cry in front of strangers, or anyone really, it makes me feel weak.
Still, some perspective is useful and right now things are happening in the world that ought to take my focus off this personal shit. Lucky bitch in so many ways, that's me. A good boyfriend, a nice home and a brace of very patient and supportive friends. Yes. Gratitude.
In related news, I have a cold that won't quit and am still terrified by my new job. I feel like I've leapt in a big hole and can only dig further downward. I have a hard time seeing it end well, I'm too tired for optimism. Sorry to all those bored by my neurosis on this point. I am trying to rise above the part of me that feels nothing but frightened and useless, I really am. Anxiety disorders are awfully persuasive things, really. I sometimes think about going back to therapy, although that can be daunting too. I don't like to cry in front of strangers, or anyone really, it makes me feel weak.
Still, some perspective is useful and right now things are happening in the world that ought to take my focus off this personal shit. Lucky bitch in so many ways, that's me. A good boyfriend, a nice home and a brace of very patient and supportive friends. Yes. Gratitude.