maybe I still have time for more dreads and tattoos, hmm.
I am going to finish an entry if it kills me. But all I can think about is this job. Good idea, or the worst I've had in years? If my stomach is correct, then I've made a horrible mistake. I just wish I had some sort of auto mode I could go into until the probation period is over that would stop me from making a mistake. Shit. Do I even want this? I'm scared some part of me will disappear, subsumed by the corporate world. And its a nonprofit! Maybe I am scared of the money, that it's ok to feel a bit marginal and stupid for minimum wage, but not for an actual sum. All this is msking my mind race unpleasantly, dreams of escape and rebel beckon at me. I just want to be good at this, I suck at forgiving myself whenever I fail.