To a quiet night
I am an anxious wreck, trudi is staying in the house next door to raven's for the entire week of Yom Kippur...the invasion of safe spaces has been such a theme between her and I. As a result I am having long thunderous nightmares in which I am screaming and sobbing...a vision of myself which has only appeared between the ages of 11 and 15 when trudi was in my life. The worst part is that robin consistently slides into guilt and pity for T and shames me for not wanting her around. Inevitably T is then in my house/on my favorite beaches with me and she is touching me and telling me all the ways in which I am a mess. I don't have anything to say because I can't really argue and so I just cry and cry. Bad things start to happen which I attribute to T's toxic energy...our neighbors dog died, a tornado appears (wtf). When I wake up I am simultaneously scoffing at myself and the most fragile creature. Creatyre. There is that familiar mix of woozy recklessness and gnawing anxiety in my chest and my legs and then I really am crying in real life.
All I can think to do is drink cupfuls of chamomile Motherwort tea and try not to lose myself in a sea of sadness. Cham & Motherwort...the mother and the daughter...hm.
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