Exhaustion

[neon_matrix]

I have no idea why depression hit me like a wall when I waited for the streetcar. Can't help but think that it has something to do with Brie being mad (yet again) or the fact that summer is almost over and I am heading into my last year at Trent. It could also be that I forget what it feels like to hang out in a big group of friends. Or it could be that I am still a very paranoid person and think things that aren't true, especially when in groups. Who knows if my feelings of being unwanted are true or imagined but I can never really shake them no matter who the people are or what the event is. Maybe I should watch what I say or how I say it - while some people enjoy it, I have caught on that others don't. There is no worse feeling than that of being disliked by someone and sadly, I get that feeling a lot. Maybe I should relax a little and stop worrying about what others may think, I tend to be more... well, less 'exciting' that way. Or thats how I feel. I also feel like people are laughing at me more than they are laughing with me. Essentially I don't know what the fuck is going on in my mind but it is confusing me and making me a little sad at the same time. I just hope it stops soon. I don't know what it has been about this summer but I just feel like I am becoming less and less liked all the time.

Fuckkkkk that was one hell of an emo post, but sometimes you just need to let it all flow out, something which I forgot this thing allowed me to do when some people aren't around to bitch to.

I kind of feel bad making another post like this after all the other shit I used to post, but I have no one to bounce this off of at the moment. I can only hope this is all in my head but knowing my luck - it isn't.

Hopefully some sleep will help along with some real thinking about which of my two options will make me happier...