And The Show Goes On...
Two weeks without an update is inexcusable, especially when I have as much to say as I do. But rest assured, Having to read it won't be nearly as draining as having had to live it, so I think things will be fine.
I think I should write a book.
No, really. I think I should write a book. Hell, just putting the past three years into print would be enough for anyone to read, but I'm thinking more widescale than that. "Sex and the City"-ish. I dunno. I just know that I should write a book. And I'm actually going to start writing something this holiday season. But it's hard to write a book when my webcomic is going to be loosely based (and I mean loosely) on the same subject. I dunno. I'll work it out. I just wanted to have it written down in case it takes me 10 years to get the damn thing written, so I can say that I started it around now.
It's weeks like the past few I've had that make me think this way: Thanksgiving with another makeshift family, just to escape some unneeded drama. The final week of classes from Hell. My future being tossed around like some shoddy raft. Allow me to explain.
The week of thanksgiving I spent with Alexander mostly. His sister got fired at some point from her job, and he had been coping with me, which was fun. We played N64 games and Metal Gear Solid (I'm running 14 games deep on that system, score!). I felt like we connected a lot that week. We even had sex, which was a big deal for him, since it was his first time. As we lay in bed together that Tuesday, I decided I really wanted to give things an honest shot, I was going to try harder on the entire relationship. I mean, what harm could it do? He was worth it.
And so, I went to see the family my Grandmother had adopted (or is it the other way around?) feeling pretty nice about things. According to my Grandmother, I was the most happy I'd been around her in years, and I must admit having a dinner with people who actually wanted a freakin Thanksgiving dinner made me feel awesome. So much love and attention. I actually feel pretty good about my upcoming plans, knowing my Granny has found people who can take care of her and seem to genuinely love her. After dinner I went to Alexander's family to meet them and interact. I met his crazy family and they were actually pretty nice, lol. I played with the little kids and they had a blast, and it was good to spend some time with Alexander as well. We chilled back at my place for a bit and then I took him home.
And that was Thanksgiving week.
Finals Week. There's a lot of buildup to this, but I spent most of this week helping my friend Justii deal with his boyfriend who, may or may not be cheating on him. In trying to do my best to tell him the right things to do, I found myself learning two things: Young gay guys think they're invincible, and I may or may not be a Frenemy, defined as a friend who secretly sabotages things for other people due to loneliness and jealousy. More on this bit later.
Just had come to me at various points throughout the week seeking advice, and I realized I have to give out advice a lot, especially considering I'm not even dating anyone (well, officially). This was fine Monday, but Tuesday the shitstorm came (and on a totally unrelated note, my comp totally tried to edit the word 'shitstorm' into one of many actual storms- thunder, rain, hail, snow... nope it's a shitstorm...): I failed two classes. Possibly a third. I dunno yet. But definitely two. I was pretty torn up about it. I felt like utter crap. Surely the only thing that was going to get me through this would be talking it out with Alexander, and possibly having him over. Thank God for that.
Or not.
I shit-you-not, within minutes of me logging onto the computer Alexander is gushing, and I mean gushing about this guy. Ray. I knew of the kid, but nothing serious had happened. They had been back and forth, but nothing had fucking happened, right? Well, today (that day being last Tuesday) it happened. They wanted to be official. He needed my advice. For leaving me. And getting him. He was so into his moment he didn't even realize that I was in a really bad state. I was practically in shock, for many reasons. Just when I'd decided to give this thing my all... I mean, I really liked him... Damn it all... I could see him running away from me...
And just like that, Alexander Faulkner was gone.
Which probably would have been OK except that, because I'm the only gay guy he really knows, he feels compelled to gush about every little thing about Ray, and ask questions about feelings he has and things of the sort. Not much to care about, unless you compare these feelings he has for Ray with the ones he NEVER had for me.
I practically spent two days in bed because of it, feeling stupid as hell for letting myself get that caught up. Alexander and Ray, Amber and Devon... I'm batting a thousand for other people, lol. I went out to the Trolley Hop with Brittany on Friday and then we decided to hit up some sushi at Sapporos. Then drinks at a bar called Zazoos. It was a good Friday, perfect to cap off what has been a very difficult week and an unmanageable semester.
I think I'm over this boy-phase. I can't look at a guy and want the same tings I once did, which may actually be me being jaded or just done with dating for now. With the holiday season looming I'm preparing to spend another one locked in my room brushing up on my programming skills.
And getting ready to move June 29th.
To Portland.
Oregon.
Later
I think I should write a book.
No, really. I think I should write a book. Hell, just putting the past three years into print would be enough for anyone to read, but I'm thinking more widescale than that. "Sex and the City"-ish. I dunno. I just know that I should write a book. And I'm actually going to start writing something this holiday season. But it's hard to write a book when my webcomic is going to be loosely based (and I mean loosely) on the same subject. I dunno. I'll work it out. I just wanted to have it written down in case it takes me 10 years to get the damn thing written, so I can say that I started it around now.
It's weeks like the past few I've had that make me think this way: Thanksgiving with another makeshift family, just to escape some unneeded drama. The final week of classes from Hell. My future being tossed around like some shoddy raft. Allow me to explain.
The week of thanksgiving I spent with Alexander mostly. His sister got fired at some point from her job, and he had been coping with me, which was fun. We played N64 games and Metal Gear Solid (I'm running 14 games deep on that system, score!). I felt like we connected a lot that week. We even had sex, which was a big deal for him, since it was his first time. As we lay in bed together that Tuesday, I decided I really wanted to give things an honest shot, I was going to try harder on the entire relationship. I mean, what harm could it do? He was worth it.
And so, I went to see the family my Grandmother had adopted (or is it the other way around?) feeling pretty nice about things. According to my Grandmother, I was the most happy I'd been around her in years, and I must admit having a dinner with people who actually wanted a freakin Thanksgiving dinner made me feel awesome. So much love and attention. I actually feel pretty good about my upcoming plans, knowing my Granny has found people who can take care of her and seem to genuinely love her. After dinner I went to Alexander's family to meet them and interact. I met his crazy family and they were actually pretty nice, lol. I played with the little kids and they had a blast, and it was good to spend some time with Alexander as well. We chilled back at my place for a bit and then I took him home.
And that was Thanksgiving week.
Finals Week. There's a lot of buildup to this, but I spent most of this week helping my friend Justii deal with his boyfriend who, may or may not be cheating on him. In trying to do my best to tell him the right things to do, I found myself learning two things: Young gay guys think they're invincible, and I may or may not be a Frenemy, defined as a friend who secretly sabotages things for other people due to loneliness and jealousy. More on this bit later.
Just had come to me at various points throughout the week seeking advice, and I realized I have to give out advice a lot, especially considering I'm not even dating anyone (well, officially). This was fine Monday, but Tuesday the shitstorm came (and on a totally unrelated note, my comp totally tried to edit the word 'shitstorm' into one of many actual storms- thunder, rain, hail, snow... nope it's a shitstorm...): I failed two classes. Possibly a third. I dunno yet. But definitely two. I was pretty torn up about it. I felt like utter crap. Surely the only thing that was going to get me through this would be talking it out with Alexander, and possibly having him over. Thank God for that.
Or not.
I shit-you-not, within minutes of me logging onto the computer Alexander is gushing, and I mean gushing about this guy. Ray. I knew of the kid, but nothing serious had happened. They had been back and forth, but nothing had fucking happened, right? Well, today (that day being last Tuesday) it happened. They wanted to be official. He needed my advice. For leaving me. And getting him. He was so into his moment he didn't even realize that I was in a really bad state. I was practically in shock, for many reasons. Just when I'd decided to give this thing my all... I mean, I really liked him... Damn it all... I could see him running away from me...
And just like that, Alexander Faulkner was gone.
Which probably would have been OK except that, because I'm the only gay guy he really knows, he feels compelled to gush about every little thing about Ray, and ask questions about feelings he has and things of the sort. Not much to care about, unless you compare these feelings he has for Ray with the ones he NEVER had for me.
I practically spent two days in bed because of it, feeling stupid as hell for letting myself get that caught up. Alexander and Ray, Amber and Devon... I'm batting a thousand for other people, lol. I went out to the Trolley Hop with Brittany on Friday and then we decided to hit up some sushi at Sapporos. Then drinks at a bar called Zazoos. It was a good Friday, perfect to cap off what has been a very difficult week and an unmanageable semester.
I think I'm over this boy-phase. I can't look at a guy and want the same tings I once did, which may actually be me being jaded or just done with dating for now. With the holiday season looming I'm preparing to spend another one locked in my room brushing up on my programming skills.
And getting ready to move June 29th.
To Portland.
Oregon.
Later