getting angry
Seriously. Do not show me the dancing wedding video again. Do not tell me about it, do not gush at how "wonderful" it is or how "joyous" it is, or how "everyone should have a wedding like that." I will get angry. Very very angry. For two reasons: first off, how DARE you assume that everyone's idea of a good time is the same. That video is not, to me, a fun time. It is a horror show. The first few strains of music are to me like that moment when the babysitter opens the basement door and peers into the darkness calling out 'is there someone there?' I HATE that video now. The first time I saw it I was happy that they enjoyed themselves and glad for them, but now, several days later, I simply want to go back in time and destroy that video camera so nobody has that horror inflicted on them again.
Secondly, my wedding, when it happens, has actually damned little to do with me. About the only thing that is 100% for ME, the BRIDE, are my shoes. I splurged a little there because they're nice and nobody is going to see them. They are super tall, not white, and will probably end up in my "honeymoon suite" before the end of the night, and I don't care- they are the only thing that has been all for me. The size of the event, the food, the flowers, the location, and the ambiance are so far removed from want I would do myself that it might as well have been planned by martians. And you know what? I knew that was how it'd be going in. I'm marrying the man, not the fucking day. I know perfectly goddamned well that I'm just a prop in this whole thing, and I've mostly come to terms with it. However, everytime someone tells me that it's "MY day" and "do whatever you want!" and "You'll totally forget that anyone else is even there" it pisses me off on a scale I can't even put words to. It is NOT my day, it is our families' day, and our community's day. I can't do whatever I'd like because there are rules to obey (wear a wedding dress, sign the legal forms, feed everyone, smile and look happy) and parents' wishes to fulfill. And no, I won't totally forget that there is a giant freaking room full of people staring at me. It is, quite literally, one of my worst nightmares come to life and I have to carry on with it. Yes, I HAVE to. I knew that when I said "yes" and I said it anyway because I am looking forward to the after-the-wedding parts where I have a husband at home waiting with hugs and kisses, and a half-formed raid group at Ulduar.
So honest to god, don't give me advice about this thing. Unless I'm asking for it specifically I don't want it. I appreciate that you mean well, but really, I want sympathy and comfort and that's all. Some 'you'll get through it!' or 'we'll make sure you get to eat something, we promise' type comments would be fabulous. Because I'm not sure I'll be allowed to sit down and actually EAT any of the food we've been scheduling. >_
Secondly, my wedding, when it happens, has actually damned little to do with me. About the only thing that is 100% for ME, the BRIDE, are my shoes. I splurged a little there because they're nice and nobody is going to see them. They are super tall, not white, and will probably end up in my "honeymoon suite" before the end of the night, and I don't care- they are the only thing that has been all for me. The size of the event, the food, the flowers, the location, and the ambiance are so far removed from want I would do myself that it might as well have been planned by martians. And you know what? I knew that was how it'd be going in. I'm marrying the man, not the fucking day. I know perfectly goddamned well that I'm just a prop in this whole thing, and I've mostly come to terms with it. However, everytime someone tells me that it's "MY day" and "do whatever you want!" and "You'll totally forget that anyone else is even there" it pisses me off on a scale I can't even put words to. It is NOT my day, it is our families' day, and our community's day. I can't do whatever I'd like because there are rules to obey (wear a wedding dress, sign the legal forms, feed everyone, smile and look happy) and parents' wishes to fulfill. And no, I won't totally forget that there is a giant freaking room full of people staring at me. It is, quite literally, one of my worst nightmares come to life and I have to carry on with it. Yes, I HAVE to. I knew that when I said "yes" and I said it anyway because I am looking forward to the after-the-wedding parts where I have a husband at home waiting with hugs and kisses, and a half-formed raid group at Ulduar.
So honest to god, don't give me advice about this thing. Unless I'm asking for it specifically I don't want it. I appreciate that you mean well, but really, I want sympathy and comfort and that's all. Some 'you'll get through it!' or 'we'll make sure you get to eat something, we promise' type comments would be fabulous. Because I'm not sure I'll be allowed to sit down and actually EAT any of the food we've been scheduling. >_