A Letter to Brandins Family...
Dear Cindy, Jay and Brandin's Family, August 17, 2007
I am writing this letter so that you may understand my feelings regarding the life and death of Brandin. I feel it necessary to tell you how I feel, so that you have a better understanding of why I've chosen to not attend your Luau party in Brandin’s memory.The most obvious reason being, that I don't feel it reflects what Brandin wanted. He made it clear many times that he did not want charity, publicity, or pity. Especially from those who did not know him. I'm not the only one that feels this way, his closest friends in life have declined to attend because even they knew it wouldn't honor the true memories of the man they loved.
Brandin would be upset to find that his family is still fighting over petty details. And cannot come together even in his death, Or put aside their selfish wants for one minute to realize what they have truly lost. Now I can see there will be a war over what he's left behind, physically. His SSI settlement, and his car. It was mentioned by some of his family that any 'funds' coming from his estate should be split between Bryan and myself.
I wanted to let you know I don't want a dime from any of you. I have everything I need from Brandin, an entire world that we created. Precious moments, and his love. Things it seemed only I understood, or cared about. You can take everything, but you will never be able to take him from my heart. I've never felt welcome in your family, despite all the years that were wasted attempting to become accepted. It's amazing how someone like Brandin, can come out of a family so bitter, vengeful, and hateful. Even now, so many years after your separation, you still do whatever you can to hurt the other. What you don't realize is how much pain you caused to the people around you.
As it states in Brandin’s personal logs, which I will give you access to, it says that he wanted to disappear from his family even disown his family. Unfortunately, he had to die for that to happen, and now that Brandin is gone, I have no desire to be associated with his family anylonger. Neither side. No one.
There was a time when the kindness you showed felt real. When I was so naive, to believe it was genuine. Over time that faded, and was filled with paranoia, and fear. Fear you would hurt him, and cause him stress, over and over again. He began to dread the holidays, distrust the love of the people around him...and before he died, he realized that he was acting just like you. He sought treatment, for those negative thoughts and emotions. Something you should learn from.
You may think that everything you've done for Brandin and myself over the years goes unappreciated. It doesn't. But it wasn't what Brandin really wanted. He wanted a family he could respect and love.
I wish I felt good about going to this Luau. I want to be there to support him, and his memory. To share things about him with others thatknew him. But I know in my heart, that is not what this luau is for.
I hope for Brandins sake, you all will learn what’s important in life.
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Here is a snippet from Brandin's own Journal, his thoughts about his family. This is from a friends locked journal, and there is no other way for his family to see it other then this.
Parents are fucking idiots.
Here I am, twenty two years old, and I still cant stand my parents.
What I do for one to get him to shut up and leave me alone pisses the off the other one and gets her on my case.
I refuse to get in the middle of this anymore.
Even if I'm looking out for my own well being, I still get bit in the ass by one side or the other.
I no longer have respect for my parents. They may have brought me into this world. They may have shipped me to the Hospital at near death.
But when a parent uses you in a divore (BOTH FUCKING SIDES!) for 10 fucking years, you really start to not care about either of them any more.
I'm sick of being punished for telling the truth. Well guess fucking what, mom. Dad. The truth hurts. You're both so goddamn immature. You dwell on each other for 10 fucking years, and you push and me pull against one another. I'm through. Fuck Christmas. Fuck Fathers Day. Fuck Mothers Day. Fuck it all. '
I warned you when I was a kid that you would never see me again if this persisted.
Now I'm pretty set to make that happen.
