/Summer
"Warped Tour?"
"Yeah, we're all going to go. Together."
Alicia said that to me at the end of the Green Day concert. As we were riding home and all I could think about was that Stephanie was all wrong for Brogan. Some stupid, childish jealousy I had even knowing I didn't really want to be with him. But as we all sat there in that Taco Bell and I gazed over the laminated flyer that listed a dozen different bands, I felt like a part of a group. I felt like I almost belonged.
I read the date aloud.
"August fifth."
It would be months from then, way back in April. Already recovering from heart aches, just then coming to accept the slow lurch of loneliness, I never would have guessed what would happen in that all too short span of months labelled 'Summer Vacation'.
And Warped Tour would be it. Warped Tour would be my end of summer.
Another chapter of my life ends. For all the time of this break I spent in the hazed, false security of drugs and alchohol, the temporary releases I allowed myself because I thought it hurt too much to feel. The hardening of my heart and spirit, the shoving away of everyone that cared for me. I alienated ... Myself. I shoved away those I loved because I hated myself too much to understand why anyone would care. I sat at home and watched tv, unable to think about how lonely and unhappy I was.
And some nights I drank. Some nights I just kept pouring till it was numb. I didn't care about myself or anything else.
Then, Jessica invited me to a movie. And I met someone.
I guess I couldn't grieve forever. I didn't want to be alone. It wasn't planned, but it happened ... And I couldn't push him away.
After that, I stopped drinking. Then, I moved in with Meghan.
I think ... I'm back. I'm back to who I am, I'm done moping and being depressed. I'm going to work on my life, I'm going to be happy on my own terms. It's been a long road. This one summer felt like two years. Every day had tales the likes of which I will one day be able to record. Every moment was easier than the last.
Everything is finally falling into place, and for the first time in a long time, I'm really happy.
And that was it, yesterday, the end of the summer. The beginning of my life. No more tears, no more pain, no more being alone. I'm going to make it, I know it. I think I'm finally going to be alright.
... And th strangest thing is that this time I didn't need someone else to tell me that, I figured it out on my own. I told myself that, and it sounded like the truth.
My life's back on track.
"Yeah, we're all going to go. Together."
Alicia said that to me at the end of the Green Day concert. As we were riding home and all I could think about was that Stephanie was all wrong for Brogan. Some stupid, childish jealousy I had even knowing I didn't really want to be with him. But as we all sat there in that Taco Bell and I gazed over the laminated flyer that listed a dozen different bands, I felt like a part of a group. I felt like I almost belonged.
I read the date aloud.
"August fifth."
It would be months from then, way back in April. Already recovering from heart aches, just then coming to accept the slow lurch of loneliness, I never would have guessed what would happen in that all too short span of months labelled 'Summer Vacation'.
And Warped Tour would be it. Warped Tour would be my end of summer.
Another chapter of my life ends. For all the time of this break I spent in the hazed, false security of drugs and alchohol, the temporary releases I allowed myself because I thought it hurt too much to feel. The hardening of my heart and spirit, the shoving away of everyone that cared for me. I alienated ... Myself. I shoved away those I loved because I hated myself too much to understand why anyone would care. I sat at home and watched tv, unable to think about how lonely and unhappy I was.
And some nights I drank. Some nights I just kept pouring till it was numb. I didn't care about myself or anything else.
Then, Jessica invited me to a movie. And I met someone.
I guess I couldn't grieve forever. I didn't want to be alone. It wasn't planned, but it happened ... And I couldn't push him away.
After that, I stopped drinking. Then, I moved in with Meghan.
I think ... I'm back. I'm back to who I am, I'm done moping and being depressed. I'm going to work on my life, I'm going to be happy on my own terms. It's been a long road. This one summer felt like two years. Every day had tales the likes of which I will one day be able to record. Every moment was easier than the last.
Everything is finally falling into place, and for the first time in a long time, I'm really happy.
And that was it, yesterday, the end of the summer. The beginning of my life. No more tears, no more pain, no more being alone. I'm going to make it, I know it. I think I'm finally going to be alright.
... And th strangest thing is that this time I didn't need someone else to tell me that, I figured it out on my own. I told myself that, and it sounded like the truth.
My life's back on track.