moving forward
I am glad to be moving ahead with my life, If I can say anything about my self its that I am a fighter. Not that I’m a total bitch and pick fights with everyone on the contrary I am rather calm and rarely go after people. What I truly mean to say is that I am always moving forward no matter were it leads me, I rather like adventure and the unknown and will leap head long into any thing. Last year represented great hardship and heartbreak; I learned a lot and reaffirmed a lot of who I am. My short lived and doomed marriage came to an end with it lots of hardships and lessons were learned. It was doomed from the start and I fear I maybe scared not to truly trust love again and to avoid any deep commitment. Not that I won’t love again that’s inevitable but I will definitely not let my guard down and always ask myself if they truly love me. One things for sure I am not dating anyone with a history psychological issues. My first time being married was a total let down to me of everything I thought it would be like. I didn’t have money but I wanted to make the best of it, I have to thank my friends for their contributions and good wishes, although no amount of good wishes was going to save what was inevitable from the first day. Everything was wrong for my ex wife and nothing was good enough, nothing was good enough for her. Plain and simple. Her dress was hand made for her at no cost and she hated it. She hated the hotel that we stayed for not being nice enough. She hated everything. I can understand that it may not have been the dream wedding but every one gave it their best and tried to make the most of it. Everyone minus her and she took it out on me that night, since the wedding was un acceptable we never had a wedding night. The blow was crushing to me since up until then I had done nothing but love that women with all my heart. I had been at her side every moment I could, I was their when her step father beat her, I held her hand and comforted her when she was in the hospital, when her mother kicked her out I comforted her any way I could. At the time any help I could give was really limited just to morale support which I gave. We lived in separate cities during our engagement and I talked to her every chance I could and for long hours into the night. When I was finally able to get a motorcycle to visit her I would visit her probably every other weekend. I would drive for three hours on my motorcycle at night often times being so cold that frost would form on my helmet. She only experienced what I did regularly to see her once and she couldn’t handle it. She once came and visited me while I was in Daytona. The plan was for her to leave Miami and fly into Orlando were I would pick her up. That mourning I drove through freezing hail for over an hour and half to reach Orlando and find out she had missed the flight. I don’t blame her for missing a flight but I later found out that she was cheating on me during our engagement with the same person that dropped her off at the airport in Miami. So the obvious is she was late because they were having fun until late at night. She told me about him after we were married and when I asked why she hadn’t told me before. Her answer was she forgot. Well I hope she didn’t forget to use a condom as well. So at this point she hadn’t slept with me on the wedding night and cheated on me during the engagement, well if that wasn’t bad enough this bitch wanted me to chauffeur her ass all over creation because she didn’t fell that she should have to drive. The first thing this woman said when she got to our home was that I needed to get a second job because what I made was not good enough. I know I didn’t make a lot of money but that hurt a lot at the time, it was one more thing that was not good enough. Further things helped destroy the relationship. I didn’t tell my parents that we were married, because I was ashamed to tell my parents that this women who I loved and was nuts about was not a wife on our wedding night and had cheated on me. When I did finally tell them, they told me my marriage was going to fail. They were right. They also scorned me for leaving her and I hated myself for leaving her in Daytona. It got to a point in Daytona that I was tired of nothing being good enough so I said fuck it, I got sad and depressed and my ex never gave any words of encouragement so I packed up and left. It broke my heart to leave but I had to, I couldn’t stay fixed in the same hell. I had to do something about it and I did. If I had another chance I would have stayed but the marriage would have failed anyways. We agreed to move to Virginia were I knew I could give her a better life when I was ready to move her to Virginia she left and went to Delaware. I could understand that, I didn’t like but I accepted it. I still loved her wanted to make it work. During this separation i spent lots of money in visiting her and giving her gifts, as it was the first time I could and I loved to make her happy. For her birthday I bought her a 200 dollar camera lens and some 50 dollars worth of filters. I also paid for a plain ticket to go see her and while in Daytona I bought her a flash and tripod. I visited her lots of time I even took her to New york paid for the hotel and travel. For our one year anniversary I gave her a Apple computer that set me back 1300 dollars. After giving her the computer and the trip to new York I didn’t have any money left to visit for a while and I asked if she could visit me for our one year Anniversary for a while she had been telling me she would see me for our anniversary. IN the end she decide to visit Miami and her friends. This hurt me and pissed me off tremendously I never told her how that made me fell because I wanted to make the marriage work. Just like on our wedding night I hide my true feeling regarding her not wanting to make love to me .
When I had left Daytona for Virginia I had left her with a lot my stuff since she was coming to Virginia to live with me. When she left to Delaware she took it with her and I was supposed to pick it up when it arrived at Delaware. I tried to pick it up during thanksgiving and I had told with lots of advanced notice and brought a truck to carry everything I get their and nothing is ready for me to pickup because she was really tired and didn’t have time to prepare and when I had told her I would pick up everything she thought it only meant a futon. How the fuck do you mix up futon with everything is beyond me. But like always I put aside my feeling to try to save my marriage. She asked me when left if I was mad and I had said no, how stupid can you be of course I was I just drove six hours to pick my shit up that you have been bithcing to me about and nothing was ready for me to pick up.
She had promised to make up not seeing me by visiting me for a month during my birthday. She was also getting ready to move back with her abusive stepfather and mother, so again she wanted me to pick up my stuff. I gave her the only times I could pick up my stuff. Unfortunately she had to work those days and only the family she was with deleware would be their and they hated me. Well about this in my life I was feed up with holding in feelings and try not piss anyone off and blew up. I didn’t care if they didn’t like it was my stuff they had no right hold it from and never a right to put their nose was it didn’t belong in our marriage. From day one that my ex was in Delaware they try to get her to breakup on me and cheat on me. Which they succeeded in. well at least one thing is normal about this marriage is the bitch cleaned me out. Of everything I owened minus a couple of things. Its funny because when her mother kicked her out of her house didn’t give her any of her stuff she cried and said how could somebody take away everything some one has. Well I guess the mother and daughter aren’t that different although the daughter is much better at being a bitch her first marriage didn’t last as along as her mothers. But then again I was never willing to hit my wife .
The worst thing of being married to my ex was when she would try to get me to beat her or strike her. I could never strike her never did and to hear her try to get me to hurt her destroyed the marriage. She would strike me , yell at me, what ever to get me to hit her. Well I guess since I never did hit her she moved back to Florida to be hit by her stepfather.
Im glad this mess is over with, while she did steal everything I have and I got wasted about 3000 dollars in seeing her and giving her gifts (which was probably not good enough for her), im going to make the best of it. Im going to pay off all the money I owe from everything I did and gave her her, finish my degree which I have one year left at tech, and keep working to build my company which is now making me money. This bitch may have ruined a good part of my life and she definitely destroyed what is supposed to a great joyous celebration of a wedding for me (im never going to do that shit again), but she hasn’t stopped me from living my life and taking charge of my situation and doing something about it even if it turns out to be the wrong thing.
im never going to be with a person who cant be happy unless she is out being a whore, parting and drinking and doing drugs. FUck that shit i need soul mate thats smart loves me not uses me for my love, and they defintly need to know what capatalism is! No more dumb bitches who cant do anything but whine and bitch about everything.
Death and me off to meet on highspeed run through the mountains.Im back on the knife's edge and loving evry second. im invincible so never fear world you cant kill me or my spirt. you can get me down but i always bounce back so fuck off. im invincible.
When I had left Daytona for Virginia I had left her with a lot my stuff since she was coming to Virginia to live with me. When she left to Delaware she took it with her and I was supposed to pick it up when it arrived at Delaware. I tried to pick it up during thanksgiving and I had told with lots of advanced notice and brought a truck to carry everything I get their and nothing is ready for me to pickup because she was really tired and didn’t have time to prepare and when I had told her I would pick up everything she thought it only meant a futon. How the fuck do you mix up futon with everything is beyond me. But like always I put aside my feeling to try to save my marriage. She asked me when left if I was mad and I had said no, how stupid can you be of course I was I just drove six hours to pick my shit up that you have been bithcing to me about and nothing was ready for me to pick up.
She had promised to make up not seeing me by visiting me for a month during my birthday. She was also getting ready to move back with her abusive stepfather and mother, so again she wanted me to pick up my stuff. I gave her the only times I could pick up my stuff. Unfortunately she had to work those days and only the family she was with deleware would be their and they hated me. Well about this in my life I was feed up with holding in feelings and try not piss anyone off and blew up. I didn’t care if they didn’t like it was my stuff they had no right hold it from and never a right to put their nose was it didn’t belong in our marriage. From day one that my ex was in Delaware they try to get her to breakup on me and cheat on me. Which they succeeded in. well at least one thing is normal about this marriage is the bitch cleaned me out. Of everything I owened minus a couple of things. Its funny because when her mother kicked her out of her house didn’t give her any of her stuff she cried and said how could somebody take away everything some one has. Well I guess the mother and daughter aren’t that different although the daughter is much better at being a bitch her first marriage didn’t last as along as her mothers. But then again I was never willing to hit my wife .
The worst thing of being married to my ex was when she would try to get me to beat her or strike her. I could never strike her never did and to hear her try to get me to hurt her destroyed the marriage. She would strike me , yell at me, what ever to get me to hit her. Well I guess since I never did hit her she moved back to Florida to be hit by her stepfather.
Im glad this mess is over with, while she did steal everything I have and I got wasted about 3000 dollars in seeing her and giving her gifts (which was probably not good enough for her), im going to make the best of it. Im going to pay off all the money I owe from everything I did and gave her her, finish my degree which I have one year left at tech, and keep working to build my company which is now making me money. This bitch may have ruined a good part of my life and she definitely destroyed what is supposed to a great joyous celebration of a wedding for me (im never going to do that shit again), but she hasn’t stopped me from living my life and taking charge of my situation and doing something about it even if it turns out to be the wrong thing.
im never going to be with a person who cant be happy unless she is out being a whore, parting and drinking and doing drugs. FUck that shit i need soul mate thats smart loves me not uses me for my love, and they defintly need to know what capatalism is! No more dumb bitches who cant do anything but whine and bitch about everything.
Death and me off to meet on highspeed run through the mountains.Im back on the knife's edge and loving evry second. im invincible so never fear world you cant kill me or my spirt. you can get me down but i always bounce back so fuck off. im invincible.