Drugs are the only thing that counteract this disheartening thing that seems to be called existence
So I'm fucked up off Mushrooms, not a crazy trip like when I used to take acid, but it's a long trip nonetheless. I did about 1/8 oz and so did Adam. Someone he decided he was going to bed, WTF how can he sleep, I konw if I went into my room and shut my eyes then the world would just swirl around me,, hmmm... that's probably not so bad of an idea. So tonight I realized I can swim while drunk and on shrooms lol. We went pool hopping in our apartments pool it was fucking cold but was a crazy experience. LOL and we kicked someone's ass at pool at the bar too. I had some ~40 year old giving me lusty looks and laughed at these childish pictures that ended up being drew, painted whatever by a handicapped person. And the girl Holly that was playing against us in pool claimed they were good artwork and since the artist, handicapped person, died recently so their value was RISING OMG. If anyone buys a picture that resembles something a 5th grader could draw then it would only be for sentimental reasons, ie it was your brother or son or whatever.
Anyways I didn't go to the fireworks today, why? well dumb shit. Adam had to work at his valet gig, My bro had to watch my nephew, Brandon was trying to make money not spend it. Bethany, the girl I met again last week, invited me to hang out with her and a "large" group she was going with. She invited me Sat. the day before the fireworks and explained how they were taking the bus service down to see them. I don't live around her and had to find a way to get home before I could confirm that I would go with her. Anyways, Adam agreed that if I went to the fireworks he could give me a ride home, his valet gig is downtown anyways, so I would just have to walk to the hotel after the fireworks. Things seemed perfect, somehow when things start going well like this something isn't right. So I didn't hear from Bethany Sat again, so I called her Sunday(day of fireworks) morning after I woke up. I told her I was able to attend teh fireworks. She then explained how she wasn't going anymore. Her explanation why was that she had a boyfriend, who wasn't really a boyfriend but someone she was dating. Who called her yesterday and she said she was goign to see him, because he lives in Indiana, and just moved there, from Columbus, and she hasn't seen him in 3 months. WTF either that was a very lame excuse to brush me off( which I don't think, even though I haven't spoken with her in a long while, people usually keep the same ethical behavior), or she was serious about ditching the fireworks for him. This is my life, I know I'm far from perfect or normal but will there ever be a time that someone can at least portray some sort of integrity with me?
I guess the only positive outlook I can have is that Bethany's "boyfriend" lives in another state so it can't be that take his place. But then again do I even want to. I remember the qualities I used to see in her before when we would talk on a daily basis. Maybe I was blinded by something then(like inexperience) but I honestly feel that she is a good person and goes out of her way to help others. It's a powerful characteristic to have, and something I think might help out my own personality. Blah.
That's the only positive everything today has been negative... Missed antoher fireworks blah. Hung out with myself all day, blah. Got yelled at by the downstairs neight larry for being noisy when all we were doing is normal stuff, like walking in our own fucking apartment and watching tv. And he was all going on about calling the cops if we made noise again, I seriously wanted him to explain the noise to me but he walked away, FUCKING BULLSHIT. Next time I talk to him he's gonna get ripped down and then I'm gonna laugh at him while he slinks away to his cordless phone to call the cops on me. Sounds like more of a personal issue than whatever he's trying to make it.
FUCK, I just have rage with noone to direct it towards.
I guess the best thing about being single is time to devote towards knowledge, and personal fitness. I'm actually in VERY good shape now, it's taken about 6 months maybe a little bit longer. Ever sice I stopped smoking, and started running. Now I'm lifting dumbells and doing situps and whatever. I'm definitely a darker complexion from running(no shirt when I run). It's weird looking at myself in a mirror now and actually seeing my muscles defined in my body structure. Oh well it's not about that, it's about feeling good which I do. I feel great to be able to control my body as well as I want.
OK I"M rambling again, BLAME it on the shrooms, they should be wearing off soon, it's been about 4-5hours.
hmm the question that I have running through my mind is should I call Bethany, or should I let her call me? I have a feeling that if I stay persistant then I'll have a better chance, but where is crossing the line of persistence and annoyance. I guess I"ll have to cross that line to see where it is. I'd be better if I could talk better over the phone. OK I"m off I'll think about that while laying in my bed zoning out.
Anyways I didn't go to the fireworks today, why? well dumb shit. Adam had to work at his valet gig, My bro had to watch my nephew, Brandon was trying to make money not spend it. Bethany, the girl I met again last week, invited me to hang out with her and a "large" group she was going with. She invited me Sat. the day before the fireworks and explained how they were taking the bus service down to see them. I don't live around her and had to find a way to get home before I could confirm that I would go with her. Anyways, Adam agreed that if I went to the fireworks he could give me a ride home, his valet gig is downtown anyways, so I would just have to walk to the hotel after the fireworks. Things seemed perfect, somehow when things start going well like this something isn't right. So I didn't hear from Bethany Sat again, so I called her Sunday(day of fireworks) morning after I woke up. I told her I was able to attend teh fireworks. She then explained how she wasn't going anymore. Her explanation why was that she had a boyfriend, who wasn't really a boyfriend but someone she was dating. Who called her yesterday and she said she was goign to see him, because he lives in Indiana, and just moved there, from Columbus, and she hasn't seen him in 3 months. WTF either that was a very lame excuse to brush me off( which I don't think, even though I haven't spoken with her in a long while, people usually keep the same ethical behavior), or she was serious about ditching the fireworks for him. This is my life, I know I'm far from perfect or normal but will there ever be a time that someone can at least portray some sort of integrity with me?
I guess the only positive outlook I can have is that Bethany's "boyfriend" lives in another state so it can't be that take his place. But then again do I even want to. I remember the qualities I used to see in her before when we would talk on a daily basis. Maybe I was blinded by something then(like inexperience) but I honestly feel that she is a good person and goes out of her way to help others. It's a powerful characteristic to have, and something I think might help out my own personality. Blah.
That's the only positive everything today has been negative... Missed antoher fireworks blah. Hung out with myself all day, blah. Got yelled at by the downstairs neight larry for being noisy when all we were doing is normal stuff, like walking in our own fucking apartment and watching tv. And he was all going on about calling the cops if we made noise again, I seriously wanted him to explain the noise to me but he walked away, FUCKING BULLSHIT. Next time I talk to him he's gonna get ripped down and then I'm gonna laugh at him while he slinks away to his cordless phone to call the cops on me. Sounds like more of a personal issue than whatever he's trying to make it.
FUCK, I just have rage with noone to direct it towards.
I guess the best thing about being single is time to devote towards knowledge, and personal fitness. I'm actually in VERY good shape now, it's taken about 6 months maybe a little bit longer. Ever sice I stopped smoking, and started running. Now I'm lifting dumbells and doing situps and whatever. I'm definitely a darker complexion from running(no shirt when I run). It's weird looking at myself in a mirror now and actually seeing my muscles defined in my body structure. Oh well it's not about that, it's about feeling good which I do. I feel great to be able to control my body as well as I want.
OK I"M rambling again, BLAME it on the shrooms, they should be wearing off soon, it's been about 4-5hours.
hmm the question that I have running through my mind is should I call Bethany, or should I let her call me? I have a feeling that if I stay persistant then I'll have a better chance, but where is crossing the line of persistence and annoyance. I guess I"ll have to cross that line to see where it is. I'd be better if I could talk better over the phone. OK I"m off I'll think about that while laying in my bed zoning out.