Forgive me Josie, but...
I guess it was a good thing that I was away from the computer for as long as I was. Hearing the news about your death left me extremely angry and I would’ve most likely have said a lot of stuff that I might not have meant.
I say “might” because in reality, I’m still rather embittered by you leaving us the way you did. No real warning, no time ( Read more... )
I say “might” because in reality, I’m still rather embittered by you leaving us the way you did. No real warning, no time ( Read more... )
When we lose someone close to us it makes us ask questions, blame ourselves, regret things we didn't do... Then we ask to say good bye so we can stop hurting. When it happened to me, I asked a friend when it would stop... the pain, the sadness, all of it. I was drowning in the emotions, guilt, anger, tears... and the loss of the things I would show her in the future.
My mother passed away 6 years ago this July. I will never show her pictures from my wedding, my nephew's graduation, My new house... I will never be able to hear her laugh again, her chuckle, or her sigh when I did something stupid.
So when I asked the question of my friend's mother (she had lost a daughter) she told me something I didn't want to hear.
"It never stops hurting. Right now your bad days will stretch on. They will out number your good days, to the point you won't even think they are good days. Then over time the good days will start to gather in number. After a while your bad days will dwindle until you have one in a hundred or thousand. And in one moment you will turn to say something, or think I want to show this to... and you will feel it all over again. And then you will feel guilty for forgetting them. But you aren't forgetting them, and they don't mean less... the way to keep sane is to pick good memories and hold them tight. Then as time goes on you will have those moments to think on fondly."
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