So it's official.
I'm on borrowed time. What has amounted to 3 years has suddenly dissipated to 2 weeks. What's this mean? That 2 weeks from today, I'll be well on my move to Orlando. I gotta say, it's kinda surreal. I kinda thought that I'd be staying here, or somewhere in the midwest area. Then again, I also thought I'd have a job after I got out of school and that I'd have moved off campus into a real apartment by now too. Oh well, uncertainty is one of the many things that makes life so spicy. Or some other spice of life variant that I can't seem to remember at the moment.
Don't get me wrong, I'll be happy to see my family and friends again, and there are so many that I miss!...but the thing that I've feared the most about coming back is that I'd be coming back to more of the same. I felt like there was an overwhelming rut that I was stuck into when I was there before; Valencia hadn't done a thing for me when it came to that associates degree and I felt like I had squandered my education be continuing to work in retail, because that's all I felt I was good at besides my art. I really wanted to keep trying for animation and that's what pushed me into finding a 4 year college in the first place. And now that I know what I know, and I know full well of what I'm capable of doing, I completely fear going back to the same unassuming routine of finding a dead-end job and doing something that I know in my hear is unfulfilling.
I think what I fear the most about returning to FL is the pressing feeling that I'd be coming back a failure. I know it's every recent graduates dream to call their family and say "guess what I got a job doing such and such!" and to be successful. And it's probably my lack of professional experience, or actual talent or the recession or whatever. But I busted my ass this summer trying to give my parents that call and I never got to. There were alot of people that were real supportive of me and Dee Jay when we made the move, were shocked at the hours we had to put in and were rocked when we showed them what we did. I feel like I'd be letting so many people down by coming back empty handed. I guess a part of me always liked to please. It was like a big show and tell, and now, much like when I graduated Valencia, I've got nothing to show for what I've been through. Well, besides 7 more portfolios of art and 500 gigs worth of animation and pencil tests, lol!
But, it's not like my journey ends when I hit FL. It's not like I have to go back to the same old same old. I've changed alot in the years I've been here. I'd like to think that I have a stronger work ethic and resolve than before. I really want to do something in the art field, even if it's not straight up animation right off the bat. I can do character designs, I can storyboard, concept, illustrate, portraits...and I've gotten alot better at it too. I'm not even trying to toot my own horn here; laying something down from 2006-2007 looks vastly different from some of the recent stuff I've done now. I've got a resume now with some gallery showings I'd done, some work that I've done for Motown, and work that's actually been purchased at one point in time. I can finally say that I'm confident enough in animation that I can start creating stuff to submit into festivals (like Book It...once I get get to those tweaks that I'd been talking about) I really want to do art. Even if it's based on retail, like working at a theme park doing face paint or caricature portraits, it's something I know that I can do. It'll be a stepping stone into the professional art field and that's something every artist can say that they'd like be in, right? And it won't stop me from submitting demo reels and portfolios to other companies in FL and in the states to get something more in the area I'd like to be in.
I will say one thing though. As conflicted as I've been feeling these past few days, a part of me can't wait to go back home. I can't wait to see my parents again and brother again, I can't wait to see Danny, I can't wait to hang out with Joey and Chandra and Jim, catch up with Erin and Heather...omg and to finally be able to drive again! I rarely drive in MN; the streets and the drivers are too crazy. I thought it was bad in Orlando, but Minneapolis DEFINITELY takes the cake on that one. Now I have the distracting task of picking out what I want and don't want so I can sell it or put it on the free shelf. I hate these moments...I get so flighty. I'll see a piece of paper that reminds me of such and such and I'll sit there and reminisce to myself or with Dee Jay for hours.
2 more weeks people...2 more weeks!!
Don't get me wrong, I'll be happy to see my family and friends again, and there are so many that I miss!...but the thing that I've feared the most about coming back is that I'd be coming back to more of the same. I felt like there was an overwhelming rut that I was stuck into when I was there before; Valencia hadn't done a thing for me when it came to that associates degree and I felt like I had squandered my education be continuing to work in retail, because that's all I felt I was good at besides my art. I really wanted to keep trying for animation and that's what pushed me into finding a 4 year college in the first place. And now that I know what I know, and I know full well of what I'm capable of doing, I completely fear going back to the same unassuming routine of finding a dead-end job and doing something that I know in my hear is unfulfilling.
I think what I fear the most about returning to FL is the pressing feeling that I'd be coming back a failure. I know it's every recent graduates dream to call their family and say "guess what I got a job doing such and such!" and to be successful. And it's probably my lack of professional experience, or actual talent or the recession or whatever. But I busted my ass this summer trying to give my parents that call and I never got to. There were alot of people that were real supportive of me and Dee Jay when we made the move, were shocked at the hours we had to put in and were rocked when we showed them what we did. I feel like I'd be letting so many people down by coming back empty handed. I guess a part of me always liked to please. It was like a big show and tell, and now, much like when I graduated Valencia, I've got nothing to show for what I've been through. Well, besides 7 more portfolios of art and 500 gigs worth of animation and pencil tests, lol!
But, it's not like my journey ends when I hit FL. It's not like I have to go back to the same old same old. I've changed alot in the years I've been here. I'd like to think that I have a stronger work ethic and resolve than before. I really want to do something in the art field, even if it's not straight up animation right off the bat. I can do character designs, I can storyboard, concept, illustrate, portraits...and I've gotten alot better at it too. I'm not even trying to toot my own horn here; laying something down from 2006-2007 looks vastly different from some of the recent stuff I've done now. I've got a resume now with some gallery showings I'd done, some work that I've done for Motown, and work that's actually been purchased at one point in time. I can finally say that I'm confident enough in animation that I can start creating stuff to submit into festivals (like Book It...once I get get to those tweaks that I'd been talking about) I really want to do art. Even if it's based on retail, like working at a theme park doing face paint or caricature portraits, it's something I know that I can do. It'll be a stepping stone into the professional art field and that's something every artist can say that they'd like be in, right? And it won't stop me from submitting demo reels and portfolios to other companies in FL and in the states to get something more in the area I'd like to be in.
I will say one thing though. As conflicted as I've been feeling these past few days, a part of me can't wait to go back home. I can't wait to see my parents again and brother again, I can't wait to see Danny, I can't wait to hang out with Joey and Chandra and Jim, catch up with Erin and Heather...omg and to finally be able to drive again! I rarely drive in MN; the streets and the drivers are too crazy. I thought it was bad in Orlando, but Minneapolis DEFINITELY takes the cake on that one. Now I have the distracting task of picking out what I want and don't want so I can sell it or put it on the free shelf. I hate these moments...I get so flighty. I'll see a piece of paper that reminds me of such and such and I'll sit there and reminisce to myself or with Dee Jay for hours.
2 more weeks people...2 more weeks!!