Forgetting you is not an option...
I recently visited Shellee’s grave and one word described what I was feeling, “empty.” People often think that the actual death of the individual is the worst part. Not to me. In fact, the worst part of death is actually forgetting the moments you shared with that person. I’m afraid to really admit it, but a few of the memories I have of her are fading away, and it scares me. She was one of my best friends; I would do anything to maintain the moments we shared. I must have stared at her grave for about half an hour, just sitting there…as my mother waited patiently for me in the car. So many things were running through my mind that day. Is death really forever, will I ever see her again in another life? I know nobody can answer those questions for me, but it I just can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so young; I’m not so supposed to forget everything that happened to us back at high school. I do remember the many days we would sit down after school and talk up a storm until our parents came to pick us up. Good times. Ironically, after her death, the memories I had of her were clear as day. But as the months went on…there are just starting to slip away.
Then the rain came, so I decided to think of it as a hint that I was there long enough. But can you blame me? An average person would say “she’s gone and missing and thinking about her all the time will not bring her back. You can stand at a person’s grave and talk all you want…the truth is, they can’t hear you.” I might be in a some what pathetic state at the moment, but I’m sure everything will be ok. I stare at everyone else, and commend them for moving along with there lives. I wonder if they think her as much as I do. I mean this was one my classmates, and her demise was all because of a road that happened to be slippery, plus she was riding a new bike she didn’t get the hang of because somebody had stolen her old bike. Whoever stole her original bike must be living in a world of guilt. It is almost as if her death was staged, and that thought angers me. I decided to dry up my tears, and fix up my face before I got into the car. “You ok, Miguel?” asked my mother. I did what most people would do, and that’s lie and say “yes.” Deep down I knew it made no sense to lie. Mothers are good at detecting these kinds of things, but she left it as that. On our way home, we had no choice but to pass the very spot where she had her accident. I can’t bear to look at it, so I close my eyes until it is long behind us. Before I reached home another thought came to mind.
What is to happen when I go…how will I remembered? None of us can really go up to our friends, and beg them to remember us when we die. I just don’t want to be remembered as some cute guy who lived on an island and made good entries. Heh, then again we can’t force one another to morn each other after were gone. This might sound lame, but I suppose I am a tad bit afraid of being forgotten. I wonder if Shellee felt that way. She will never be forgotten, but I just wish I can think of a great moment we had together with out think so hard, now I some what struggle to remember a great moment we both shared. I don’t mean to sound like I need pity, trust me…that is the last thing I need. I just wish everything was back to the way it once was, but it never will be. I think I know the answer to “why the good die young.” Perhaps earth was becoming way to evil for their presence. I know when the day of her death returns, it’s going to be very emotional. About 90% of my msn list will have a “I’m missing you,” name around that time. Well, I’m off to the beach and think.
As for the rest of my friends, I am sorry I have not been around on msn, and what not. It’s final exam week, the pressure is on, my new friends are hogging my computer, and never stop calling me. I feel like I have turned my back on you guys, but I haven’t. I just need to settle down to the new adjustments that these new friends have created for me. But if things start to continue like how they are, then I will have to stop hanging around with them. Nothing is supposed to keep me away from my online friends. Like I always say, you guys are very important to me. I know you might be a bit pissed that I haven’t talking on msn much, but it really can’t be helped. I just need to sit down, and tell my new friends that I need time for myself. Anyway, I’ll see you all around. Peace.
Then the rain came, so I decided to think of it as a hint that I was there long enough. But can you blame me? An average person would say “she’s gone and missing and thinking about her all the time will not bring her back. You can stand at a person’s grave and talk all you want…the truth is, they can’t hear you.” I might be in a some what pathetic state at the moment, but I’m sure everything will be ok. I stare at everyone else, and commend them for moving along with there lives. I wonder if they think her as much as I do. I mean this was one my classmates, and her demise was all because of a road that happened to be slippery, plus she was riding a new bike she didn’t get the hang of because somebody had stolen her old bike. Whoever stole her original bike must be living in a world of guilt. It is almost as if her death was staged, and that thought angers me. I decided to dry up my tears, and fix up my face before I got into the car. “You ok, Miguel?” asked my mother. I did what most people would do, and that’s lie and say “yes.” Deep down I knew it made no sense to lie. Mothers are good at detecting these kinds of things, but she left it as that. On our way home, we had no choice but to pass the very spot where she had her accident. I can’t bear to look at it, so I close my eyes until it is long behind us. Before I reached home another thought came to mind.
What is to happen when I go…how will I remembered? None of us can really go up to our friends, and beg them to remember us when we die. I just don’t want to be remembered as some cute guy who lived on an island and made good entries. Heh, then again we can’t force one another to morn each other after were gone. This might sound lame, but I suppose I am a tad bit afraid of being forgotten. I wonder if Shellee felt that way. She will never be forgotten, but I just wish I can think of a great moment we had together with out think so hard, now I some what struggle to remember a great moment we both shared. I don’t mean to sound like I need pity, trust me…that is the last thing I need. I just wish everything was back to the way it once was, but it never will be. I think I know the answer to “why the good die young.” Perhaps earth was becoming way to evil for their presence. I know when the day of her death returns, it’s going to be very emotional. About 90% of my msn list will have a “I’m missing you,” name around that time. Well, I’m off to the beach and think.
As for the rest of my friends, I am sorry I have not been around on msn, and what not. It’s final exam week, the pressure is on, my new friends are hogging my computer, and never stop calling me. I feel like I have turned my back on you guys, but I haven’t. I just need to settle down to the new adjustments that these new friends have created for me. But if things start to continue like how they are, then I will have to stop hanging around with them. Nothing is supposed to keep me away from my online friends. Like I always say, you guys are very important to me. I know you might be a bit pissed that I haven’t talking on msn much, but it really can’t be helped. I just need to sit down, and tell my new friends that I need time for myself. Anyway, I’ll see you all around. Peace.