Inspired
Random Fact #27: Exercise For Men Only magazine was one of the first examples I saw of it being possible to be gay and masculine.
In regards to adolescence and exploring, in many respects I'm a late bloomer. As friends have pointed out to me, because I was very precocious and was 16 going on 50, even now I'm just beginning to relax and explore and do things that most people did in their teens simply because I had to be an adult at a such a young age. It took me a long time to forge some semblence of identity but it's been a journey that's been many steps over many years.
I was about 14 when I began to realize that I might be attracted to men. I wasn't sure that it was attraction at the time and tried to rationalize it as anything else but what it w. In the lockerroom I caught myself gazing at at the chests of a few of my muscular shirtless classmates just a little too long.
Like many kids, it was instilled in me that gay = leprosy = the worst biblical abomination = pedophilia. To even be associated with it could mean death. I'm not exaggerating. This was a time before the interent was widespread so information was not easily accessible.Hell, as much as I love Greek mythology, that whole man on man action was conveniently omitted from school. As a seeker of truth, knowledge and wisdom, that didn't stop me spending hours in libraries, researching articles and texts to learn about me and come to terms with who I am. Learning about this sooner would've been nice, but I digress.I remember one fateful Friday at the grocery store, I happened upon an Exercise For Men Only magazine which featured this collegiate blond wrestler (shaddup) on the cover. Intrigued and turned on, I bought the magazine and perused the articles. My mind was blown (as was my load.).
In addition to everyday articles on fitness and nutrition, I saw homoerotic articles and ads that featured goodlooking and everyday guys who just happened to be attracted to other men.
But that goes against what I had been programmed to believe. Gay men are supposed to be honorary womynz. There is no range of identity. The idea that we are people who identify across the spectrum was blasphemy. We're supposed to fit this one mold and that's it.
It's not unlike how society defines as blackness. By society's standards being regal, articulate, educated, enjoying rock & roll (or white peepul music) is aspiring to be white and revokes one's Negro card.
Seeing that magazine inspired me. I used to wake up every morning and work out. Push ups and situps everyday. I started working out in the gym, began taking martial arts, I started reading the magazines and began dressing nice and getting a sense of style that worked for me.
I worked hard in school and was a top student and I felt good about me, which is one of the things that probably saved my life. Because in light of the other crap I endured as a child, it's nothing short of the grace of God that I'm still here.
So the other day I was in the grocery store and being the voracious bookworm that I am, I made the obligatory pass to the books and magazine section. A twinge of nostalgia struck when I spotted the latest issue of Exercise. Flipping through the pages, a humongous grin appeared on my face when I spotted the Clippinger twins ( Random Hawtness winners and alums here at the Chronicle) in a featured article.
It made me smile as I think how far I've come and excited to think what lies ahead.
Now if you'll excuse me. I'm feeling inspired again. I need to go pump some wood. I mean iron. Go pump some iron and work it out. Later.
In regards to adolescence and exploring, in many respects I'm a late bloomer. As friends have pointed out to me, because I was very precocious and was 16 going on 50, even now I'm just beginning to relax and explore and do things that most people did in their teens simply because I had to be an adult at a such a young age. It took me a long time to forge some semblence of identity but it's been a journey that's been many steps over many years.
I was about 14 when I began to realize that I might be attracted to men. I wasn't sure that it was attraction at the time and tried to rationalize it as anything else but what it w. In the lockerroom I caught myself gazing at at the chests of a few of my muscular shirtless classmates just a little too long.
Like many kids, it was instilled in me that gay = leprosy = the worst biblical abomination = pedophilia. To even be associated with it could mean death. I'm not exaggerating. This was a time before the interent was widespread so information was not easily accessible.Hell, as much as I love Greek mythology, that whole man on man action was conveniently omitted from school. As a seeker of truth, knowledge and wisdom, that didn't stop me spending hours in libraries, researching articles and texts to learn about me and come to terms with who I am. Learning about this sooner would've been nice, but I digress.I remember one fateful Friday at the grocery store, I happened upon an Exercise For Men Only magazine which featured this collegiate blond wrestler (shaddup) on the cover. Intrigued and turned on, I bought the magazine and perused the articles. My mind was blown (as was my load.).
In addition to everyday articles on fitness and nutrition, I saw homoerotic articles and ads that featured goodlooking and everyday guys who just happened to be attracted to other men.
But that goes against what I had been programmed to believe. Gay men are supposed to be honorary womynz. There is no range of identity. The idea that we are people who identify across the spectrum was blasphemy. We're supposed to fit this one mold and that's it.
It's not unlike how society defines as blackness. By society's standards being regal, articulate, educated, enjoying rock & roll (or white peepul music) is aspiring to be white and revokes one's Negro card.
Seeing that magazine inspired me. I used to wake up every morning and work out. Push ups and situps everyday. I started working out in the gym, began taking martial arts, I started reading the magazines and began dressing nice and getting a sense of style that worked for me.
I worked hard in school and was a top student and I felt good about me, which is one of the things that probably saved my life. Because in light of the other crap I endured as a child, it's nothing short of the grace of God that I'm still here.
So the other day I was in the grocery store and being the voracious bookworm that I am, I made the obligatory pass to the books and magazine section. A twinge of nostalgia struck when I spotted the latest issue of Exercise. Flipping through the pages, a humongous grin appeared on my face when I spotted the Clippinger twins ( Random Hawtness winners and alums here at the Chronicle) in a featured article.
It made me smile as I think how far I've come and excited to think what lies ahead.
Now if you'll excuse me. I'm feeling inspired again. I need to go pump some wood. I mean iron. Go pump some iron and work it out. Later.