Avenger Disassembled pt. 1
Random Fact # 25: I'm straight out of a comic book!!!!
For those of you who don't know, last year I joined the ranks of the Avengers and was featured in Secret Avengers #1. It's been nearly a year since joining the world's premiere superhero team and let me tell you, it's been quite the roller coaster ride.
Recently I sat down with a one-on-one interview with Trish Tilby where I shared the business on crimefighting, being a celebrity, and pulling no punches in exposing a lot of the drama that goes into being a vigilante.
This interview might also serve as proof as why black folks shouldn't be superheroes.
Anyway, enjoy!
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Tilby: This is Trish Tilby and sitting here is Neo-Prodigy, one of the newest members of the Avengers, for this exclusive one on one interview. Tonight we'll be discussing life as an Avenger and get an inside look in the ever enigmatic world of the superhero community.
Tilby: Neo-Prodigy, thank you for joining us.
NP: Anytime Trish, thanks for having me.
Tilby: Neo-Prodigy, is there any connection to the X-Man that goes by the codename Prodigy?
NP: I'm glad you mentioned that. I wanna go ahead and set the record straight right now and clear up any confusion. We're moving forward with legal action right now for copyright infringement and my attorneys Jen Walters, Foggy Nelson and Matt Murdock are confident justice will be served and I'll be paid in dividends for hardship, emotional distress, and restitution. Trying to steal my name. He doesn't even have any powers. Except for the power of thievery. Plagiarist.
Tilby: Now I'm sure you're always asked this, but what exactly are your superpowers?
NP: Well as you know, I'm a prodigy, but not just the mental variety. I'm what you would consider a prodigy even among the superhero types. In addition to an enhanced IQ, I possess considerable psionics, enhanced strength, durability, invulnerability, superspeed, telekinesis, magic, flight, teleportation, energy projection, healing factor, angelic abilities, prophecy, power cosmic, I can do it all. In fact I permanently absorb and duplicate and improve the powers and abilities of the others. Magical Negro and all that. I'm just that damn good. Tru fax, tru fax!!!!
Tilby: *fake sneezes* Mary Sue *fake sneezes*
NP: Bless you.
Tilby: Now what inspired you to join the Avengers?
NP: Well you know I had been doing my thing as a solo superhero for the past few years. I had been succesful stopping crimelords, terrorists, the alien race the Moabraizs from invading.
Tilby: The Moabraizs?
NP: See you never heard of them. That's a testament to my superheroic skills. Keeping the battles from spilling over and harming pedestrians. So yeah I battled them, demons, any other would be big unstoppable badass that would threaten Earth. But being an ambitious and hardworking and driven soul, I'm always looking to take my superhero career to the next level. I had tried out with other groups first. I was actually approached by the Justice League originally, but looking at their current roster, I couldn't turn them down fast enough. Hot mess doesn't even begin to cover it. At this point, I don't think Jesus Christ can save them. So I had to decline.
I considered starting small. I approached the Marvel Divas and offered to join their group. Everyone I know says I would fit right in seeing as I'm the biggest Diva of all. And of course they gave me some stank attitude about their clique was womenz only "And no men allowed, you man, you!!!" They said there were certain qualifications to join their elite group. And I was like what, being a C-lister superheroine or a knockoff Sex & The City character? They weren't happy about getting called out like that.
Tilby: You were in talks to join X-Men at one point as well?
NP: Yeah I was invited to join X-Men. Unfortunately, discussions were shut down because of interference from certain hating ass haters.
Tilby: Really?
NP: Girl, you just don't know. The superhero community is rife with politics, jealousy, and egos. We're talking some serious divas here and I'm not just referring to Hellcat, Photon, Black Cat and Firestar.
Tilby: This is fascinating. Tell us more.
NP: I was in serious negotiations about joining X-Men. Hell we were even talking about me leading a team. But Emma started tripping about how I wouldn't be a good fit on the team. She was a more than a bit nonplussed because I may have made one, or two or 40 comments about Scott's delicious ass, pecs and the naughty and pleasurable things I would do to him. And just because I may have accidently teleported into their bedroom while he was coming out of the shower and I may have offered him a hot oil massage to work out the tension of being the leader of the mutant people, she wants to trip and act all insecure and accuse me of plotting to seduce her man.
I'm like Scott wasn't complaining or objecting. So why is she tripping? Why is she feeling threatened? If you got issues in your relationship, it ain't my fault. Besides she ain't one to get sanctimonious. Everybody knows she's still fucking Sebastian Shaw on the side.
Tilby: Sebastian Shaw? The leader of the Hellfire Club.
NP: Yeah she got him locked up in a dungeon on Utopia. On the eastern quadrant, third wing, four levels down. Minimum security. I can't fault Emma though. Sebastian is a fine piece of ass. I like a man who can take it, gets stronger and dish it back out. So I can't fault her for fucking Scott and paying visits to her "prisoner." Her pimpin skills are on point.I'll give the mistress her due. But all of the jealousy wasn't necessary. But I guess she was worried someone was gonna beat her at her own game. Then of course Northstar was spreading all kinds of rumors about me to the other X-Men, trying to discredit me. He was blogging something fierce to his BFF Perez Hilton about the horrors of me joining the X-Men and were posting photo-manipulated pics of me and all other nonsense.
Tilby: Why?
NP: Well Northstar likes to pride himself on being the iconic gay superhero. And of course having a higher profile LGBTQ superhero like myself on the team who would not only be the most dominant X-Man but the premiere superhero on the planet, would make him obsolete and irrelevant.....you know moreso than he already is.
Tilby: Seems like you have quite the contingent of rivals.
NP: Oh please, compared to the main hating ass hater, those two don't even rank. No, the biggest diva on the X-Men roster is Wolverine.
Tilby: Wolverine? Really?
NP: Good Gawd yes!!!! First of all, I don't know if most of ya'll know this but that do of his, all hairspray. He uses like 10 aersol cans an hour to keep his hair did like that. Putting all kinds of CFCs into the air. Just spraying away, and when one of the X-kids pointed out his not-so-friendly environmental activities he was like FUCK YO OZONE. Because everybody has a healing factor and can withstand ultraviolet radiation. When he heard Cyclops was going to invite me to join the X-Men, he hurried the hell up and called his agents and lawyers to halt my contract negotiations.Having an A-lister like me on the team threatens his endorsement deals, his movie deals and all that, and all that. You saw they canceled Wolverine & The X-Men when they heard I might be joining and wanted to go ahead and get a deal in place for me. Makes sense. I mean why you wanna do a series on Wolverine when you can do a series on the Neo-Prodigy? He threatened to quit the team and sue Scott and all this other nonsense. Hell he did the same shit to my boy Wade Wilson.
Tilby: Deadpool?
NP: Hell yes. Lot of people don't know but Deadpool is about to blow up. He's sort of a hybrid of Wolverine and Spider-Man. The merc with the mouth. All he needs to do now is clean himself up and get a little plastic surgery done. We've been talking to Troy and McNamarra and we've decided we're going to have him look like fellow Canadian Ryan Reynolds so that'll make him more marketable and tie into his movies and endorsement deals. I've already hooked him up with my agent and my publicist. Oh he's about to go out there and do big things.He was actually about to join the X-Men and Wolverine's hating ass fucked that up as well. He didn't want another popular Canadian mutant superhero from Weapon X on the team because that would fuck up his endorsement deals. Suffice to say, it was just drama, drama, drama, drama.
And of course I'm still dealing suing David Alleyne for copyright infringement. So Scott and I decided to hold off on me joining the X-Men for now while he gets his house in order. He pointed out that he's about to dump Emma either when a) Jean Grey returns b) when she inevitably betrays the X-Men c) or like the rest of the X-Men, when he finally gets sick of her shit. Whichever comes first. Hopefully by then the lawsuit with Alleyene will be over and Northstar will probably be dead...again. And as for Wolverine, we decided that he'll inevitably make a play for Jean when she returns. Scott told me when that happens he's gonna end Wolverine once and for all and said I could help out if I wanted to do so. I told Scott, he got my number on speed dial, all he gotta do is say the word.
Tilby: So no love for the X-Men?
NP: Oh quite the contrary. I got nothing but love for the X-Men. Haters are gonna hate. You just gotta keep on keepin on. Which by the by, Trish, if you don't mind, I'd like to give out a shoutout right now to my peeps. Wassup to my boy Warpath. Thank you for the Wilma Mankiller autobiography. I've been enjoying it and have definitely loving learning about my Native American ancestry. Much love and respect. Colossus, Petey Pete. Holla!!! Psylocke! How you doing girl? Bobby Drake. Wassup playa? Who's cooler than cool? Samuel L. Jackson actually, but the Iceman cometh a close second. You and me playboy. We hitting the clubs this weekend. Last but certainly not least my goddess and yours, my nubian queen, Storm. How you doin, boo? I'm gonna be in Wakanda next week. Let's do lunch.
And you know, I can't even be that mad at the haters. Even if I wasn't Neo-Prodigy, I'd wish I was. And if I wasn't me, I'd be threatened and insacurr too.
Tilby: Now Wolverine is both an X-Man and an Avenger? Has there been any conflict since you've joined the team.
NP: Like I said, haters are gonna hate. And I catch the glares, when he thinks I don't be looking. Or when I walk into the same room, he walks out. Or he be rolling his eyes. A couple of times we passed each other in the hallways and he grumbled something under his breath. I let him know, if he gotta a problem, we could settle this. We can take it to the Danger Room or to the parking lot out back. I told him, "You feeling froggy little man, jump. Go for what you know. You supposed to be the best at what you do, what's that supposed to be, acting like a punk?"
Tilby: So you and Wolverine actually clashed?
NP: Hell nah. That troll ain't as stupid as he looks. He don't want none of this. He don't want to time travel, cause I damn sure would've knocked his ass into next Tuesday and the Tuesday after next.
Tilby: 1st day as an Avenger. What was that like?
NP: Well upon arriving, I was greeted by the Hulk. Kinda surreal but pretty cool.
Tilby: Meeting the Hulk must've been terrifying.
NP: A bit, but I've always respected the Hulk. This man gets shot off to the otherside of the universe by his so-called friends. Gets enslaved. And manages to conquer the planet and come back to Earth, rolling no less than 30 deep and opens up a worldwide barrel of whoopass on everybody. That's some straight gangsta shit right there. But you know if Iron Man had blown up my ship and killed my wife and unborn child, I'd be out for blood too.
Tilby: I thought it was one of the aliens who was behind the attack.
NP: Girl please, they found the bomb in the wreckage, had the Stark Enterprises label on it. Stark was the one behind that shit. He was on that Gestapo trip taking out capes left and right. Hell he's the one that had Steve Rogers shot.
Tilby: Wait, are you implying that Tony Stark was involved in the conspiracy behind Steve Rogers's assasination attempt?
NP: Involved? HIS ASS WAS THE CONSPIRACY!!!!!! He had Steve Rogers shot. Yes I'm saying it on national television. But see Steve is such good peoples, he wants to believe there's good in everybody, even the Tin Man from Hell. But see the Neo-Prodigy is on to his ass. Just ask my boy Jack Bauer, he co-signed on all of this and verified the intel and everything. We know what's up. Only reason this evidence hasn't been brought forward is because the team is worried that it may fuck up the lucrative movie deals. Just wait. It's only a matter of time before ya'll get the whole story.
Tilby: Have you confronted Mr. Stark on your findings?
NP: Oh he knows what's up.He claims that he doesn't remember anything. Amnesia, my ass.
Tilby: Sounds like your arrival at the Avengers has been explosive to say the least.
NP: Hell yes, woman. Okay so check this, first day the new recruits are sitting in Avengers orientation. They giving speeches and everything. Steve goes first. And the brother is deep.I even stopped playing on my iPhone, I mean he had the whole audience enraptured. He was inspiring us, he was moving us. I won't lie, I never thought much of Captain America. I always thought he was a blind ultra-nationalist but he impressed me when he stood tall for the people during the Civil War and when he expressed how you stand tall and don't move, no matter what the government, the media or the people say. He told us about his experiences as an Avenger and his challenge for us to take the team to the next level. Standing ovation, doesn't even begin to cover it. The man is an inspiration.
Tilby: His speech was that powerful?
NP: I won't say I was moved to tears. Because I'm a man and men don't cry, EVER (except for that one tear Denzel did in Glory, that shit was tight)! But, my allergies were acting up a few times. And I'll leave it at that. Bucky followed suit and gave his speech, but unfortunately Steve Rogers is an impossible act to follow, as he's discovering as Captain America. But he was trying though, I'll give him that.
Next came Thor. And he gave his speech but even with my super intellect, I couldn't understand half the shit he was saying. Thou this and thy that. I was wondering if he we were in church. Cause he sounded like he was reading from the King James Bible. But he seemed like a nice enough god and he was packing that hammer and God knows I can appreciate a muscular blond with a big tool, so I just sat there and smiled.
Then Stark took to the podium and do you know this fool had the audacity to speak on fighting for equality and justice. I stood up and demanded an explanation for this bullshit. Stark, the tyrranical fascist who went McCarthy on supes, mutants and metas, is gonna lecture us on justice and equality? What next, Wolverine is gonna speak on the perks of pacifism. Spider-Man is gonna give us relationship advice? I mean WTF?!!!! I told Stark straight up there was a bench right behind him and he needed to go sit his ass down.
Tilby: My word.
NP: Oh he tried to flex like he was gonna do something. I told Tin Man I would knock him back to Oz. I already owe him an ass whooping for sending his storm troopers after me during his Dark Reign.I was at my pad, getting my romance on with this time traveler named Jack. So anyway, Jack had me shackled to my bed and is in the middle of showing me how it's done in the 51st century.
I get a call from one of my boys tipping me off that Stark is sending a full armada to take me in. Seconds after we teleport out of there, my penthouse apartment gets blown to smithereens. And while I can forgive my penthouse pad getting blown to bits, cockblocking is another story entirely. But like a told Steve, for the sake of the team, I'll keep the peace for now, but he best keep his boy in line. Otherwise I can't be held responsible for what happens next.
Tilby: It seems that drama follows you everywhere.
NP: It's not easy being the Neo-Prodigy. Everybody wishes they could be me but heavy is the head that wears the crown.
Tilby: There must be some Avengers, you get along with.
NP: My man Luke Cage. That's my boy. He sees a young brother doing some things and coming up in the world, he's taken me under his wing and has given me some sage advice on being an Avenger and being a superhero. His lovely wife Jessica, also good peoples and their beautiful daughter Danielle is just too adorable for words. But yeah Luke just keeps it real. No facades, none of that. What you see is what you get. When we're at the Tower, we just kick it.....or at least we used to. Unfortunately we've had to distance ourselves in public.
Tilby: Why, what happened?
NP: Well unfortunately when white folks see two or more Negroes together, they tend to get scared and call the cops. This is why POCs are usually limited to one or two at most on a team. Anymore than that and they get scared thinking we're plotting to "kill whitey." Hell one day Luke and I were in the kitchen sipping coffee and chatting, Jarvis roles up in there and absconds all of the expensive China and silver, like we're about to steal the shit or something. But that's okay Jeeves, cause I know Stark put you up to that shit. Hell Luke and I couldn't even have our book club at the Tower anymore because we kept finding micro surveillance bugs planted in the rooms.
Tilby: Luke Cage is in a book club?
NP: Why you gotta say it like that? What, can't a brother read a book? As a woman of color, I would expect better of you. Yeah Luke Cage reads. He reads very well. He from the streets but he's not uneducated. He reads all the time. He reads at our book club. He reads the newspaper, he reads magazines, he reads street signs. He reads the menu at a drive thru. Yes, the brother reads.
Tilby: I'm sorry you must admit, Luke Cage in a book club is not something you picture.
NP: Well Luke is full of surprises. But yeah once a month, we have book club meeting up in Harlem. It's me, Luke, Jessica, T'Challa, Storm, Shuri, Blue Marvel, Night Stalker, Misty Knight, Colleen Wing, Danny Rand, and Wong. Bill Clinton usually stops by with the saxophone and often seranades the meetings with some tunes. Of course coming out of the meeting, I'm pretty certain I saw (with my X-Ray vision) a cloaked Iron Man flying away from the coffee shop.
Trish, it got so bad, that one day Luke and I were in the game room playing the Wii on the holographic projector. Next thing we know, SWAT team kicks in the door and the NYPD floods the room, guns aimed and everything. The story was that they got an anonymous tip, that two unidentified black men were breaking and entering. In a superhero base? It's a conspiracy. C-O-N-Spiracy.
Look at what they're doing to my man Luke Cage. Why they gotta have the brotha heading up the Thunderbolts? What you tryna say? That the brotha is only qualified to be in prison? Luke Cage ain't no longer on the run from the Po-Pos and they still tryna lock him up. Hell there was an altercation the first day. Cage shows up on the Raft and tells the warden that he's the new head of the Thunderbolts program. Warden replies, "Negro please. You the transfer from upstate. Tony Stark already called and told us. Getcho ass in that cell."
Tilby: To be fair, they probably thought Luke Cage was the most qualified, seeing as he served time in prison, before becoming one of the world's premiere superheroes.
NP: He was in prison for a crime he didn't even commit! And if we're going to go by prison time being a qualification what about Clint Barton? Hell he was a supervillain. He epitomizes the Thunderbolts program better than anyone. Hell what about Steve Rogers? He was locked up during the Civil War fiasco before he got shot by his boy, Stark. And speaking of the devil himself, why not him? Hell, his ass needs to be locked up for the shit he's pulled. But nooooooooooo. What do they do? They throw a brother in prison, surround him on a team with diabolical white folks who would sooner shank him at the drop of a dime. Cause that's gonna end well. Justice like lightning, my ass.
Tilby: With the recent Avengers academy and some of the new teams, it seems like the Avengers are taking it to the next level. Tell us about some of the newer members who've joined the team.
NP: Well as you know Ben Grimm has joined the team. He got sick of the drama with the Sue Storm and Reed Richards and constantly getting stuck with babysitting those two little badass brats.
Tilby: Sue Storm and Reed are having marital issues?
NP: That marriage is what you would refer to as a hot mess. Sue had stopped by the Tower yet again to vent to Ben about Reed's latest fuckup. I basically had to sit Sue down and ask, why does she put up with his shit? I mean, she's smart, accomplished, she's fine as hell. And then she explained, he's Mr. Fantastic. The man has stretching capability. So you know she ain't trying to give that up.And honestly I can't blame her. If I had a man who could hit it from two time zones away, I wouldn't be letting that go either.
Tilby: Do you think they're going to get a divorce.
NP: I don't know. I do know they in court trying to determine the paternity of Valeria Richards. Oh yeah, Frankin and Valeria are only half siblings. They thought it was Doom's at first and for good reason. Valeria has that stuck up air about her but she in fact might be the heir of another ruler who redefines bourgois, Namor. He and Doom both think they're better than humanity and both think they're royalty. I mean it's no secret, Sue and Namor had a little something on the sides for years.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming Sue. I blame Reed. The woman has needs. Reed, you don't like it, then step your game up. You supposed to be the smartest man on the planet, second to me of course, decipher a clue. And sometimes she needs a rough neck. She needs a man who knows how to work that trident. Now Trish, don't sit here and look shocked. Remember when he used to ascend from the water, glistening wet, taut muscles, wearing nothing but that skimpy ass speedo, outlining that huge package. Tell me who in their right mind would turn that down?
Tilby: Okay, you got a point there.
NP: Thank you! That's all I'm saying. Science geek or captain of the swim team. But see Namor isn't even trying to take the paternity test. How you gonna promise a woman the seven seas and you trying to avoid paying child support. He's trying to claim he done lost his kingdom and shit. His ass ran out to San Fransisco and joined the X-Men because he trying to avoid getting locked up for being a deadbeat dad. How you gonna promise a woman the seven seas and you can't even pay child support. Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah. But in addition to Grimm, we have Ant Man, Moon Knight, my man Rhodey, my girls Valkyrie and Black Widow; you ever looking for a wild night on the town, go out with those two. Those sisters know how to club. And your ex, Hank McCoy, is back as an Avenger, he told me to tell you hi by the by.
Tilby: I wasn't aware that they were on the Avengers roster.
NP: Actually they're on a separate covert roster. They're being led by Steve Rogers and Sharon Carter and are actually the Secret Avenge.......secret......um Secret Six. And actually that wasn't Ant Man, Moon Knight, Black Widow, Valkyrie, War Machine or Beast. It was actually Bane, Black Alice, Catman, Deadshot, Rag Doll and Scandal Savage. So yeah...um....my mistake......
[looks away, grimaces and mumbles] DAYUM! Done told the business live on national television. Steve is gonna beat my ASS when I get back to the mansion.
Tilby: What is the best part about being an Avenger?
NP: Hands down the money and the fame and the sex. Oh the sex is nice. Everyone wants to bang a superhero. Having the Avengers on your vitae is like a meal ticket to stardom. The endorsement deals, the cereals, the action figures, the comic books, I've got a new cartoon in the works, and my appearances on the covers of GQ, Time, Life, Rolling Stone and People's Sexiest Man Alive edition. Oh yeah and saving the world and helping people and crap.Anyway, my new album has already gone platinum and as you all know there's a movie in the works. We're still ironing out the details. Since Captain America's film is called Captain America: The First Avenger, we're thinking of entitling mine, Neo-Prodigy: The Greatest Avenger.
Joss Whedon has already agreed to write and direct the film. He had a few demands. He said in order to maximize his true artistry, he would need to kill off several major characters. I told him that was fine and I provided him with a list: Tony Stark, Maria Hill, Anthony Stark, Wolverine, and the Avenger known as Tony Stark. He said that was fine. Next he stated that in order for the story to be compelling, I would need to be teamed up with a 90 lb ingeniue. I told him that was fine, so they're gonna team me up with Cassandra Cain. Seeing as she got fired from her job for being a woman of color and being more efficient than all of her peers combined. Honey, I feel her pain. Unfortunately the casting situation hasn't been as smooth. You may have heard in the trades Denzel is interested in the role. He's an Academy Award winning actor and as you can see Trish, the two of us share an uncanny resemblence. However Will Smith is also campaigning for the part. That's why they've been beefing in the media. But I think we're gonna lean towards the Amazing Jett Jackson himself, Lee Thompson Young.
Tilby: Speaking of movies, I understand you were involved in an altercation at a movie theater.
NP: *Looks nervous, pulls at his collar* I-I-I don't know what you're talking about.
Tilby: Reports say you got into a physical altercation with a moviegoer while waiting in line.
NP: I know there was a rumor on the internet but I can tell you right now it was totally unfounded.
Tilby: It was more than a rumor. We have footage of the confrontation from witnesses who recorded the incident with their cell phones. Let's play the footage.
NP: Let's not. You bet not roll that damn footage.
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[Cuts to scene outside movie theater. Neo-Prodigy is in the middle of a screaming match with a small adolescent Molly Hayes of the Runaways whose wearing a Robert Pattinson t-shirt.]
Molly: You better take it back!!!!
NP: I'm not taking anything back! It's the truth and you know it. Twilight sucks and you're a loser for going to see the movie!!!!! And the only thing more pathetic than you little girl, is Edward Colon.
Molly [puts fists on hips]: You better stop talking bad about Robert.
NP: You better sit yo little ass down before I pull off my belt. Screw Robert. He's not even a real vampire!!!! This just in, VAMPIRES DON'T SHIMMER. Yo man Sparkles, the emasculated unicorn, still ain't shit. YEAH, I SAID IT, NOW WHAT?!!!!!
[Using her super strength, Molly backhands Neo-Prodigy into stratosphere. The other Runaways arrive.]
Nico: Molly! What did you do?
Molly: He was being mean!!!!
Karolina: I hope he's a meta.
Chase [staring through binoculars]: That guy is seriously gaining some altitude. And he's coming back down.
[Huge explosion as Neo-Prodigy smashes back into the street, leaving a huge crater]
Molly [walks to the edge of the crater]: Serves you right. JERK!!!!!
NP [crawls out of the crater, clutching his ribs]: Yo mama!
Victor: Oh shit.
[Molly hurls a Buick at Neo's skull, tackles him and proceeds to pummel the living hell out of him.]
Xavin: Oh I get it. Given your history with your parents being super villains who you've had to fight and defeat, I suppose that popular human expression is probably more insulting than the victim realized.
Nico: Actually I think she's still pissed about the guy insulting Twilight and Robert Pattinson.
Victor: Shouldn't we be stopping her?
Chase: Dude, you wanna stop her, go right ahead. As that guy is learning right now, Twilight + fangirls = serious business.
NP [crawls away on all fours]: SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS! I'M BEING ASSAULTED BY A TINY LITTLE WHITE GIRL!!!!!
Molly [grabs Neo's ankle and drags him back]: GET BACK HERE! AND THE NAME'S PRINCESS POWERFUL, JERK!
[The Runaways watch Molly continue to pummel Neo whose curled up in a ball.]
Xavin: On the plus side, her boxing technique has improved immensely.
Karolina: We should really do something.
Chase: I got an idea. HEY MOLLY! THE MOVIE'S ABOUT TO START!!!!!
[Molly kicks Neo-Prodigy into a department store display and joins her friends]
Molly: Come on, I wanna get some great seats.
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NP (looking most nonplussed): Um......anyone can see that was um clearly CGI and super-imposed and that totally wasn't me at all. Actually that little girl was actually not a little girl that was actually one of the Moabraizs in the form of a little girl...and um when she pimp-slapped me into the heavens, that was actually a tractor beam yanking me to the Moabraizs's mother ship. Because they had returned looking for revenge. Yeah that's what all that was....yeah. Is it hot in here to anyone else?
[Trish and the camera men snicker and bust out laughing]
NP: AND HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT VIDEO IN THE FIRST PLACE? MY LAWYERS PUT AN INJUNCTION ON YOUTUBE TO MAKE SURE THAT FOOTAGE DIDN'T SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. Furthermore this is not what we agreed to when I signed on to do this interview. If I wanted to deal with this kind of yellow journalism and character assasination, I would've given this interview to Fox News or that Jameson moron at the Bugle. But I said no. Mainly because he reminds me too much of that Nazi on Oz but also because I thought you Trish were most deserving of this once in a lifetime opportunity. Way to fuck this up. This better be cut during editing.
Trish: Neo, we're live.
NP: WHAT?!!! Let me call my lawyer and publicist, I mean this better be made right or someone's getting their ass kicked.
Trish: We'll be back after these messages.
NP: Don't be so sure.
TO BE CONTINUED.........