What Do You Fear??
I was thinking about this just now. What exactly do I fear? For some it's an easy question. Spiders, darkness, rats.....
All of these things are easy to explain because they are physical, tangible things that can be recognized by all people. However, I am not afraid of any of these things.
Many people are afraid of death. Although less tangible to some than a rat or the dark, most can understand and sympathize with such a fear, even if they have never experienced it for themself. I have had my dealings with death, and can honestly say I do not fear death itself. That's not to say i am going to live recklessly and look for it. But when it does happen, I certainly won't be shaking in terror at the concept of not existing anymore.
Hell, just last week at work, a large group of undesirables decided they were going to crash a party at the club. Many were armed to the teeth and have no second thought of ever using such force. I may not have stepped up and pushed them out the door, but I certainly did not jump into a dark hole at the thought that one or more of the mcould easily pull out a hand cannon and place a nice-sized hole in my anatomy.
The question remains unanswered. What is it that I fear? For a long time, there really was nothing I feared, until recently. In tha last couple of months I have truly learned what fear is. True fear is not the terror of what may happen to you, but what may happen with those you love.
I am currently in a relationship with monumental potential. Talk of living together, marriage, and even children have been not uncommon in our time together. The one big issue at this juncture is the infrequency of our time together. I have known Sage for more than 2 years, and we have been on and off the whole time, albeit more off than on. We were really close for much of that time, and are now taking it to a level that I wished for since the beginning.
In our past, that infrequency had become an issue on more than one occasion, causing us to drift apart in relationships. And here comes the one thing I fear. I can't stand the thought of losing her again in my life. I would lay down anything to keep her in my life.
Why bring this up now? Because this week is going to be particularly tough. We have spent every one of her weekends (wedenesday and thursday) together since we've been a couple, and this week is going to be the first that we do not see each other. I have to work in Trenton tomorrow night and have band practice on Thursday to try out a new drummer.
Many of you will say so what, so you go a week without seeing each other, worse things have happened. And you are right, worse things have happened. But it was the lapses in time that caused us to drift apart before, and I can't have that happen again. I know in my heart that it really won't happen again, but the FEAR is still there. I have even considered putting off practice until a later date to save what is really important to me.
So there we have it, my fear. I don't fear being alone, everyone knows I've dealt with that before. The fear is not having Sage, my everything, the love of my life. Many say if you ever have a decision to make, make it with your heart and all will be right. Well, right now my heart is saying one thing........
"FUCK IT ALL!!! Be with the one you love and keep her as close as possible"
You know what, I have to agree.........
All of these things are easy to explain because they are physical, tangible things that can be recognized by all people. However, I am not afraid of any of these things.
Many people are afraid of death. Although less tangible to some than a rat or the dark, most can understand and sympathize with such a fear, even if they have never experienced it for themself. I have had my dealings with death, and can honestly say I do not fear death itself. That's not to say i am going to live recklessly and look for it. But when it does happen, I certainly won't be shaking in terror at the concept of not existing anymore.
Hell, just last week at work, a large group of undesirables decided they were going to crash a party at the club. Many were armed to the teeth and have no second thought of ever using such force. I may not have stepped up and pushed them out the door, but I certainly did not jump into a dark hole at the thought that one or more of the mcould easily pull out a hand cannon and place a nice-sized hole in my anatomy.
The question remains unanswered. What is it that I fear? For a long time, there really was nothing I feared, until recently. In tha last couple of months I have truly learned what fear is. True fear is not the terror of what may happen to you, but what may happen with those you love.
I am currently in a relationship with monumental potential. Talk of living together, marriage, and even children have been not uncommon in our time together. The one big issue at this juncture is the infrequency of our time together. I have known Sage for more than 2 years, and we have been on and off the whole time, albeit more off than on. We were really close for much of that time, and are now taking it to a level that I wished for since the beginning.
In our past, that infrequency had become an issue on more than one occasion, causing us to drift apart in relationships. And here comes the one thing I fear. I can't stand the thought of losing her again in my life. I would lay down anything to keep her in my life.
Why bring this up now? Because this week is going to be particularly tough. We have spent every one of her weekends (wedenesday and thursday) together since we've been a couple, and this week is going to be the first that we do not see each other. I have to work in Trenton tomorrow night and have band practice on Thursday to try out a new drummer.
Many of you will say so what, so you go a week without seeing each other, worse things have happened. And you are right, worse things have happened. But it was the lapses in time that caused us to drift apart before, and I can't have that happen again. I know in my heart that it really won't happen again, but the FEAR is still there. I have even considered putting off practice until a later date to save what is really important to me.
So there we have it, my fear. I don't fear being alone, everyone knows I've dealt with that before. The fear is not having Sage, my everything, the love of my life. Many say if you ever have a decision to make, make it with your heart and all will be right. Well, right now my heart is saying one thing........
"FUCK IT ALL!!! Be with the one you love and keep her as close as possible"
You know what, I have to agree.........