life finally begins
these last few months hav been filled with so much emotion that it was really hard to even understand myself.
now that everything is finally ocming to an end i guess looking back on everything i must say im gonna mis it all.
every little bit..
the ups and downs...
the good and the bad..
actually scrap the bad..
never a good thing. haha
but now that i am graduated
i feel lost.. much like i did last year
ironically i made a film about it
and its come to bite me back in the butt.
this year really has been a dirfting experience..
and i dont really know where im headed..
its scary..
coz now i dont have education to fall back on..
its always been there for me..
giving me a reason not to go find myself out there.
and now thats gone
i dont know what im gonna do..
i feel like im having a mid life crisis.
and im only 22
i guess i sitll have something to fall back into
at least i have one brother that will be there...
that i can trust..
thanx man..
it all started wen i decided to make a film..
something that no one in the uni has anything really knowledge in.
and so i was on my own for ages and well it never helps coz i just hid away
pretending that it was ok..
and then it turns out it wasnt coz i messed up the minor mark.
and that in turn made me spiral again..
thank god i didnt get the mark back b4 dissertation otherwise i think i would have got an even lower mark.
and so production of the film was very minimal i tried to push it but for some reason it just didnt get started...
and it came to the point where i was so desperate.. every week kept going past and i sitll hadnt filmed anyhting.
i was seriously contemplating repeating the year..
or just failing it altogether..
i was in a frenzy
and i couldnt sleep
thank god this actor colin showed up and we managed to get ther filming all done..
not to tip top con
but it was good enuff
as long as i had something
but just b4 this i had a good spell where i went for work experience
and it was the best time i had in a very long time..
jsut enjoyable work..
but i dont think thats helped me much now
after finishing the film and everything handed in the pressure of an exhibition was up
and we all had to sort out the studios and help each other..
terrible thing to do when nobody reciprocates
got my result today wasnt what i was hoping for i knew a first was out of the question but i preyed to god..well a little but it turns out they didnt think my film was up to scratch.. and that it only warrented a second aka 2:2
but no hard feelings it s cool.
the thing is that i dont think my work experience place want to give me any more experience..
which sucks..and this leads onto another problem..
it seems i cant stay here in this house for another month like i thought..
instead i have to leave straight after graduation..
which hurts..
i will miss this place a hell of a lot.. its been a good safe haven for the past year and half.
and becoz i have no accomadation i cant keep my job down in chatham
i tried to get a transfer but no where anywhere close to me has a job going
so im unemployed
that means i need to go on the dole..
and get income support and stuff
thank god ade works in that sector so i can find out what i need to do.
going home was the last option..
and its happened.. when the last option actually happens first.. u know ur in trouble.
this hurts alot..
i havent been dependant on anyone for a logn time and to have to move back into a shithole just to keep afloat is saying alot.
i need to get out
asap
please god i dont ask for much
and u didnt give me a first..
so please find me a job??!?!?!??!
PLEASE!!?!??!
now that everything is finally ocming to an end i guess looking back on everything i must say im gonna mis it all.
every little bit..
the ups and downs...
the good and the bad..
actually scrap the bad..
never a good thing. haha
but now that i am graduated
i feel lost.. much like i did last year
ironically i made a film about it
and its come to bite me back in the butt.
this year really has been a dirfting experience..
and i dont really know where im headed..
its scary..
coz now i dont have education to fall back on..
its always been there for me..
giving me a reason not to go find myself out there.
and now thats gone
i dont know what im gonna do..
i feel like im having a mid life crisis.
and im only 22
i guess i sitll have something to fall back into
at least i have one brother that will be there...
that i can trust..
thanx man..
it all started wen i decided to make a film..
something that no one in the uni has anything really knowledge in.
and so i was on my own for ages and well it never helps coz i just hid away
pretending that it was ok..
and then it turns out it wasnt coz i messed up the minor mark.
and that in turn made me spiral again..
thank god i didnt get the mark back b4 dissertation otherwise i think i would have got an even lower mark.
and so production of the film was very minimal i tried to push it but for some reason it just didnt get started...
and it came to the point where i was so desperate.. every week kept going past and i sitll hadnt filmed anyhting.
i was seriously contemplating repeating the year..
or just failing it altogether..
i was in a frenzy
and i couldnt sleep
thank god this actor colin showed up and we managed to get ther filming all done..
not to tip top con
but it was good enuff
as long as i had something
but just b4 this i had a good spell where i went for work experience
and it was the best time i had in a very long time..
jsut enjoyable work..
but i dont think thats helped me much now
after finishing the film and everything handed in the pressure of an exhibition was up
and we all had to sort out the studios and help each other..
terrible thing to do when nobody reciprocates
got my result today wasnt what i was hoping for i knew a first was out of the question but i preyed to god..well a little but it turns out they didnt think my film was up to scratch.. and that it only warrented a second aka 2:2
but no hard feelings it s cool.
the thing is that i dont think my work experience place want to give me any more experience..
which sucks..and this leads onto another problem..
it seems i cant stay here in this house for another month like i thought..
instead i have to leave straight after graduation..
which hurts..
i will miss this place a hell of a lot.. its been a good safe haven for the past year and half.
and becoz i have no accomadation i cant keep my job down in chatham
i tried to get a transfer but no where anywhere close to me has a job going
so im unemployed
that means i need to go on the dole..
and get income support and stuff
thank god ade works in that sector so i can find out what i need to do.
going home was the last option..
and its happened.. when the last option actually happens first.. u know ur in trouble.
this hurts alot..
i havent been dependant on anyone for a logn time and to have to move back into a shithole just to keep afloat is saying alot.
i need to get out
asap
please god i dont ask for much
and u didnt give me a first..
so please find me a job??!?!?!??!
PLEASE!!?!??!