[thread; closed]

[waitingfora]

Who: Yosuke Hanamura and [ everyone here].
Where: Hanamura residence to Terra streets.
When: Early evening to past curfew.
Summary: The shadow awakens.
Rating: R. Violence and language.
Other: End of the insanity.

Comments

[waitingfora]

"Shijima." His words were slightly slurred and heavy, what with his tongue having been cut just moments before. Not to mention that he still sounded as a shadow. Words even more distorted as he was so weakened. No knife in his hand, no way to kill the girl in front of him. Even with all his injuries and blood, he did not have much strength left to summon his Persona. His skin had turned slightly pale but his arms remained over his stomach. He'd live. Maybe he'd lie again to get free, not knowing that she'd seen everything.

"What answers?" He tried to pretend for a moment to be Yosuke, but was beginning to find that he barely knew what it was to be that fake anymore. Did Yosuke know how to be Yosuke? "You have to help me. The military ... we could go to your ..." No. Shika would just alert the authorities of what had happened and then I'd end up being caught. His eyes shifted around. What did it matter now?

"What does it matter? The only place I could hide now is that shrine with that fucking cat." The shadow spit on the sidewalk, aiming for her shoe. "I am not even sure I'd make it there. And who wants to hide? Do you think he should keep hiding and pretending to be something he's not? I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to turn out like this. Bullshit like that when it's already too late. Don't you think?" His mood swings were getting worse and he knew it. For a moment, he could have thought logically, could have gotten himself to the shrine where Matamune was to hide, but now, he lost his grip on his control and felt the need to lash out again.

[blackhillcat]

Shijima looked at the spot Yosuke had spat on. It splattered on the sidewalk, but got on her shoe. Probably what he was aiming for anyway. Still, she did not move away. Even if he did try to kill her, and let's say he succeeds, she would still be able to wake up and go to school in the morning, as if nothing had happened to her the night before. If it happened, anyway. She still didn't understand why she couldn't-- no, not the time to think about that. There were more pressing matters.

Shijima looked up at Yosuke again, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. "That's not for me to tell you now, is it?" she said. "Shouldn't you be telling your 'other self' that?" She looked at him with her wide eyes as if trying to look through his soul to understand him. She'd always been so intrigued by what made people tick, what made people think the way they do... This was the best opportunity to understand Hanamura Yosuke a little more.

She let the silence stretch a little more before continuing. "If you insist on asking me, however... I suppose people have reasons to hide. Humans... aren't always invincible. Fight or flee, hide or face your fears. It's all the same, isn't it? All obstacles you have to conquer yourself. Everyone has them." Shijima shrugged.

[waitingfora]

"Huh?" His eyes widened for a moment in surprise. That hadn't been something that he was expecting. She knew, she knew about the other -- the fake? His shoulders momentarily dropped. He didn't have to spell it out for her. "How do you know about him?" Was someone actually aware of the change and didn't stop it? Would she really help him now? His head shook slightly as the fake's voice was growing in anxiety, concern.

"None of it was my fault. All he ever wanted to be was a hero." The shadow was becoming something of a broken record as he drew closer to Shijima, his arms still over his stomach. He held his wound closed, whimpering between each word. Either from the pain or because more of that fake's emotions were slipping through. Yes, the shadow was afraid of the idea of dying, thinking that this was once more the end, but he wasn't going to go out the same way as he almost did. Wasn't going to just be a sobbing mess. Was his thinking rational?

"I need to get to that shrine. You're gonna help me get there, got it." No idea how he was going to convince her to take him there on his own. He had no way to threaten her, but maybe his overall appearance would intimidate her enough. Thinking that underneath that otherwise blank expression that she was scared.

[blackhillcat]

Noting the surprise in Yosuke's eyes, Shijima shrugged. How, indeed. "How, huh... I guess it's because I've been watching you," Shijima said. It was the truth, after all. Ever since the time at the hospital, she had been closely observing him every time she could. She wouldn't ever tell him how she watches him. Not even in the pain of death. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, although maybe it was partly that. Everyone had to keep a secret, after all, and secrets are best discovered and not told. Of course, Shijima kept the secrets she discovered. She was, after all, just an observer. Her duty is just to watch as the world changes. Perhaps until the end of time.

She let Yosuke ramble on, listening to every single word he said, as she did when she visited him at the hospital. Her expression never changed, never showing emotion. The poor thing. She wanted to take him to a hospital, but questions she would rather not answer would be asked. The next best thing would be the shrine, then. If Yosuke so desperately wanted to get there, then someone would be able to help him there. Besides, Yosuke was one of the more interesting people she'd met. She didn't want to see him go just yet.

"Very well, I shall take you to the shrine," Shijima said, flipping her hair over her shoulders."It's not like I have anything better to do. And you need to get yourself fixed." Shijima tilted her head to the side. She wondered if he would like it better if she held his hand as they walked. Didn't hand holding bring a little comfort?

[waitingfora]

"Watching? For how long?" Eyes narrowed slightly as he started to draw closer to her. His steps were shuffling as he was obviously badly injured -- from both his own self-inflicted injuries and that bastard Hidan. He hoped that the military was able to find a way to kill that asshole. Then he wouldn't have to be afraid of him, either. Just like that other one that hurt him; he was dead now too, wasn't he? The universe seemed to like giving him the shaft only to end up killing those that he really wanted to die. Wasn't that how it should be? Bad people be punished. That's all it really should amount to, right? That's why Yosuke wanted to protect people so that no one had to suffer, or some lame-ass bullshit like that.

His head dropped slightly, yet again, feeling heavy and tired. The shadow blamed that on Yosuke. Could now hear his voice louder in his head. It was more questioning now, wondering about what had just happened, if everything was over, if everyone was dead. "And not caring about himself. Yeah, right." No longer cared if it seemed like he was cary as he talked to the fake. "He cares more about himself than anyone. Might seem like he's thinking about you, but he isn't." Words still broken because of his tongue, still spitting slightly on the sidewalk -- not aiming for Shijima anymore, just getting the taste of blood from his mouth. His breathing had become just a little heavier. He was making things worse for himself, thinking that this was the end. It wasn't. He wouldn't let it be. Not when so little had been accomplished in his eyes.

"Full of surprises today, Shijima." Wasn't sure why he said that, he had asked her to take him there and now she was. The way that she sounded like it was 'just something to do' pissed him off, but there wasn't anything the shadow could do at this point but lean on her as she walked him to the shrine. Avoiding military personnel at the same time. What a fun trip that that was going to be. The glow from his eyes had faded considerably, but he still fought for control, would not let Yosuke have any say to anyone. His arms continued to hold onto his side, not giving her a chance to comfort him other than being his brace as they walked. Still, even weakened like this, he still had the appearance of some cornered animal that he was just waiting for the chance to lash out at someone.

"What do you think of my other self? That he's just worthless, right?" Odd sort of conversation as they walked. He didn't care if he was just talking to himself and asking rhetorical questions, he was not going to have it be completely silent. Well, silent in that he had to now deal with his fake constantly babbling in his head. Was it payback for what he did? "Tch."

[blackhillcat]

Shijima smiled. "A while," she said. That was all he needed to know. For now, maybe. There could be another time where she could tell him everything. Oh, but now that Shijima thought about it, that time didn't seem likely to happen, unless Yosuke did something to convince her that he was worthy to keep her secrets as well. Time will tell.

Putting an arm around Yosuke, Shijima let him lean on her as they walked. She listened to him talk to himself-- at least, it looked like he was talking to himself at first. It must be hard, to be in conflict with yourself. Shijima had... always accepted the fact that she had another side to herself. It was strange, to wake up on a cold table and know that you weren't the same as yesterday anymore. Shijima sighed and looked ahead. She didn't like remembering those memories.

"Everyday is full of surprises," she said, keeping Yosuke steady as they walked. She made sure to stick to the shadows, the side streets that none of the military would think to use. Neither of them could afford to get caught. She didn't want to lose a-- friend? That's what Yosuke was, right? Not just... someone she observed. How ...strange, why couldn't she tell what Yosuke was? She was getting attached to the world, this wasn't good. How could she observe Neo Genesis and be impartial if she got attached to the people in it?

Shijima also didn't want to get caught. If the military discovered her abilities... She valued her freedom and the quiet life she had found, she wasn't about to let that go. And she did not like the idea of being a puppet, or another experiment. She was done with that.

For a while, the only sounds Shijima could hear were their footsteps and the wind blowing the occasional paper and plastic trash around the street. It wasn't so much of a surprise to hear Yosuke speak up again, though. She had been expecting it. Although... maybe it would help his tongue injury if he didn't speak so much. "You're interesting," Shijima replied, not really caring if she wasn't supposed to answer. "You, and him. Worthless or not. It's not something for me to decide."

[waitingfora]

"A while." The shadow repeated. Wondering about that. Why hadn't he noticed her? He smiled in a less than happy manner, teeth stained red thanks to that asshole cutting his tongue and constantly having to get the taste out of his mouth. Hand raised to wipe at his bottom lip shortly afterward. "I didn't notice. Probably because he was too busy thinking on himself to see." A hacking laugh as he held his stomach just a little tighter. Not good to laugh right now even if it was at his fake self.

It was somewhat surprising how she was able to keep him steady. If only because he thought that he would be a little more trouble for her. But he was glad that they were able to keep moving relatively quickly. Wondering if Shiro and Hidan had been enough of a diversion to draw the other military people to that spot rather than focus on the two limping to a shrine. A shrine hidden away so that he could hide. Hide. The shadow grimaced. "Always having to hide."

"Interesting?" The glow from his eyes was starting to disappear as it seemed like for a moment Yosuke was trying to speak to her. For a moment, the hate died from his expression as a look of desperation took over. He wanted to return to where everyone was, to save them from what had happened, to do something. That much was obvious even if he did not have enough time to say anything -- head furiously shaken so that the shadow once more could take control. Like a deranged tug-of-war now. But he refused to lose to the fake.

"Tch. I'll decide then." His head rose slightly, glaring at nothing and everything at the same time. At least, at least, he could see the shrine up ahead. Wondering how long that they had walked. Glad that they had avoided most of the military and police. Though, the fake was sobbing about how they should have been captured. "And what, be killed? There seems to be a zero tolerance for mutants. Surprised that you're helping me." This time he was directing his conversation to Shijima. Wasn't she worried about what would happen to her? Did she want to be a hero just like the fake did? Save people just so that they would like her. That's all he ever did. And failed at it, too.

"I don't need that part of him. I don't." Repeated the word so that she would understand that he wasn't something to be loved or cherished. Only he was. The shadow. The one that was real. "Something like that isn't needed in this world. He's known that for a long time as well. How's that for a decision?"

[blackhillcat]

"I'm not very memorable," Shijima said. He didn't have to know that she watched him as a cat. No one remembered how cats looked like exactly. Unless you were probably someone who liked cats enough to keep an army of them with you and still tell each cat apart. There were a few she knew. "And I'm pretty short and I slouch a lot. It's natural that I am overlooked."

Shijima looked at the gash on Yosuke's stomach. It was good that they were almost at the shrine. Maybe she could help patch him up. Or whoever was there could. Briefly she wondered what Yosuke would do if he had her abilities. To heal quickly, to seemingly not die, if she could die at all. Every time she thought she was on the brink of death, her wounds would heal over and leave no marks on her body. If only she could do that for Yosuke, maybe he wouldn't be in so much pain.

Or, maybe he wasn't in pain because of his wounds, but because of his internal conflicts. That could be a cause, too. But to heal that, Yosuke needed to come to terms with himself. There wasn't anything she could do about that.

Yosuke caught her attention when he mentioned mutants. That's.. that's what she was, right? A mutant. Not normal. Funny how Neo Genesis looks down on the things it created. She laughed. "Mutants... they were made by humans, were they not? Strange of people to hate what they make. But that's usually the case, isn't it? No one ever likes what they do, so they want to destroy it and make a new one. No one is ever satisfied," Shijima said, almost sneering. And then shook her head. "Forget what I said, I was only rambling." It was a little hard to observe the world and have no one to talk to about it.

"I'm not even sure why I'm helping you. I was... I only waned to see what you would do next. Something drew me to you, I guess." Shijima still found it strange that she stepped out of the dark in her human form and showed herself to him. It was strange. Maybe this was one of the effects of that experiment she hasn't discovered yet. Maybe. Maybe not. "Maybe it was supposed to happen, me being there at that moment, at that time."

The shrine was close, very close now. "...If that will help you make peace with yourself, then that should be enough," Shijima said. She tried to think back if there was ever a moment that she despised her 'other self' that much that she wanted to get rid of it. Maybe there were moments, back when she was at the Abyss, all by herself, forced to survive on her own. But now... she had accepted the fact that she was both 'Shijima' and 'Shiratama', and that made her who she was. Maybe Yosuke needed to do the same.

[waitingfora]

Another spit. "How sad, he'd say." His voice was becoming just a little more distorted -- more twisted as he was trying to remain in control. "Like everyone wants to be seen. Like everyone wants to be in the spotlight. No. That's just how he wants to be. Because if you're in the spotlight, you are always liked." He began to laugh. The blood that had pooled in the back of his throat forced its way out as he did so. Hating to laugh because of the injury it caused and how much harder it was to hold his wound when he did so. "But he was never happy about that. Never."

"Humans always hate what they make. He hates me, you know." The crazed look had returned to the shadow's face as he turned to glare at Shijima. His teeth set in a mixture of a grimace and smile. "I was made from all of his thoughts. Everything that he never wanted to admit himself to being. That's me." Wanted to kill his fake more and more as he explained exactly what it was that he was. It made him so angry that he was related to anyone so weak. But he was getting off topic. Changing his voice so that he sounded more like a mock version of Yosuke. "'I'm human. I am. Please, believe me.' No one can ever be satisfied with those thoughts. You can't either, can you?"

"No." The shadow sounded a little weaker. His thought processes were getting away from him. He was starting to make less sense with what he was saying. "Damn, Yosuke." Easy to curse someone who was both present and not. "Fate. No, I like what you said before you were interested in what I would do. So you watched me hurt everyone that he cared about. Cared about you, too. Thought that you were cute. Isn't that sweet?" Amused because he remembered what had happened with Shika. "Yosuke can't make up his mind, because he's an idiot." The word came out more like an insult than anything else that he had been saying. Like a curse.

A brief look up as he saw the nekomata -- his figure in the small distance. "Hey, Shijima, can you see that cat?" His free arm lashed outwards to point to Matamune, wanting her to see if she could see him as well. "Yosuke was afraid to bring people here. Was afraid that people would think that he was crazy." He swallowed, didn't care what that fake thought anymore. Even as he was trying to pull away from Shijima. Falling on his knees in the process. "Isn't that sad? To hide away someone that you thought was your friend so that you would appear sane?"

"I'm the one that's real." His fist started to beat into the ground. Angry and tired at the same time. Throwing his other to try to claw at Shijima if she tried to help him up. "I'm real. I am. I'm the true being!" His blood was starting to react to his screaming, forming for a moment into a Persona before losing consistency and falling to pieces on the ground. He fell forwards, glaring between the two. "Say that I'm the only one. Say it! Say that Yosuke Hanamura doesn't exist!"

[blackhillcat]

Shijima listened and waited. It was what she did best, after all. She took in every word he said, looked at every expression he made. That's right. She was only an observer. No matter what she did, it all boiled down to that one thing. "No one can ever stay happy or satisfied, that is true," she said. She'd always thought that you'd also have to feel anger, sadness, pain and fear in order to truly live. It was probably necessary. "Wouldn't it be weird if someone was always happy? You'd be suspicious of the person. I think it's only natural."

She smiled when the Shadow mentioned Yosuke's thoughts about her. How sweet, indeed. "I take it you would have attacked me if I had shown myself to you earlier? He did hurt the people he cared for," Shijima said. She doubted he would have done anything life-threatening to her, given her abilities. But it might have been interesting, to have battled with Yosuke's Shadow.

At first, Shijima was puzzled when he mentioned a cat-- he couldn't have possibly meant her, she's never said anything or shown him that... She looked at what he was pointing at and understood. It wasn't a normal cat she saw, however. It was sitting upright on the steps to the shrine and was looking at them. She was sure it was looking at them. "Is he the one Yosuke wanted to see here?" She asked, head tilted and staring at the cat. Possibly. It looked like the cat was waiting for them.

Shijima looked at the Shadow, now on the ground. She watched him beat the ground, listened as he demanded her to say that Yosuke Hanamura did not exist. She would have missed the blood forming into a vague shape if she blinked. A moment later, Shijima crouched down in front of him and looked at his fallen form. "You're bleeding, in pain, and confused. Of course you are real," she said. "It doesn't matter for me if you are Yosuke Hanamura or not. There's someone in front of me, and that person is real." After saying that, she stood up and held out her hand for him to take, not saying anything. Just waiting for him to take her hand and stand up. The cat at the shrine was waiting.

[waitingfora]

"Of course." It was difficult to do but he began smiling at her. Wondering why she was not afraid of such things. Had she really not seen what he did to those that Yosuke considered his friends? Those that allowed him to get close. All except Hidan who ended up hurting him. Was going to heal up and go after that asshole after all of this. He wasn't going to be weak again. That is what Yosuke was, after all. Someone who just let himself be beaten down and needed the assistance of others so that he could stand. "He's not on equal footing with anyone."

Did he mean that he was on equal footing with people? No. That's what Yosuke wanted. To be able to stand next to the people that he admired, to his friends. Didn't think himself good enough but hiding all that insecurity in his shadow. But he was more than willing to admit such things, admit all of them so that Yosuke wouldn't be able to hide from such weaknesses. Then what? What was his goal, again? His head started to shift left than right, uncertain. That's right! To finally get rid of the fake so that there would only be one real person left. Stopped in his thoughts to look to Shijima, not quite believing what she said. "So, you can see him."

"Is that enough?" The shadow asked, for a moment uncertain. Didn't wait for an answer as he looked towards Matamune, who was suddenly asking. The same anger as before came back. The sound of concern that the nekomata had wasn't for him, but for the person that he looked like. That's what he thought. Still, both classmate and cat was right -- he was needing to go to the shrine to rest before he could allow himself to strangle either one of them. Wouldn't even use his Persona. Both seemed weak enough that he could do that. Then he would be alone and be able to escape the stupid ideas and insecurities that Yosuke had. "Wait, that's not right, either!"

But he had allowed himself this time to be helped up so that he could continue to the shrine. Still spitting blood and venomous words with each step. "I'm going to just go back. I don't want to go back to being him." The voice was still distorted, but sounding just a little more pathetic than before. "You two have to stop it."

[blackhillcat]

"I can see him," Shijima nodded. "Was he expecting you?" She played with her hair, twirling her fingers in the locks of white hair. She listened to him ramble on-- it was a little repetitive and she was getting bored of it. There really were just people who refused to accept some things. How stubborn. Then again, that's what made things so interesting.

And then the cat was there with them, asking what had happened. "Cat," Shijima greeted with a very slight bow. "I assume you are an acquaintance of Yosuke Hanamura. I have brought him here as he requested. Are you the one to heal his wounds?" There was no time to waste, was there? If the cat could help treat those wounds then Shijima would not have wasted time to get here. Besides, she didn't have the right to tell the Cat-- what was it's name?--what really happened. It wasn't her place.

Shijima looked at Yosuke again. Or at least, the person who 'Yosuke' was at the moment. "It is not within my abilities to change who you are," Shijima said as she helped him walk to the shrine, following after the Cat. "If your resolve is strong enough, then maybe you will change. If it is not... then maybe it is not what you really wish for."

[waitingfora]

"No." The Shadow was tired and irrational. Emotions that were stable one moment became wild the next. Even if he was aware of this, even if he kept reiterating it to himself, it did very little to actually calm him. Keep him sane. Or the sane that he believed he should be. "Who would want to expect me in this state?" Voice still twisted he laughed -- hurt because of his nose and tongue, but somehow didn't care this time around.

Barely aware of when they moved from outside the shrine to the inside. He was losing his grip and control on the body. "I did want to change it! Didn't you hear me? I went out to change everything, but it didn't work!" More than a little annoyed with his inability to stop what was inevitable, he lashed out at Matamune when he was held out a packet -- supposedly to help him. Didn't want to die, didn't want Yosuke to have control again, didn't want so many things. "Get that away from me! I won't let it happen. I won't! I'm much better, I am!"

His head bowed. Feeling the control start to leave him. It was a last ditch effort to try to bring injury to the nearest person -- to take them down with him. Throwing his arm out to strike, but probably only ending up splattering their clothes with blood. This time, there was an obvious change from the Shadow to Yosuke. The tenseness of the shoulders faded as did his overall frame. Look of anger and betrayal had finally faded to something of quiet acceptance -- eyes glazed like he was not actually present for the conversation around him. "Yeah, I understand. I wanted to say that. It's ... It's my fault. I get it. Those feelings ... they are mine."

A humorless smile as he stared at the floor, at nothing. "I'm you and you're me. So, please calm down now." No need to say that he only wanted acceptance, that he only wanted to be accepted by himself. He was afraid of that most. Not being accepted for everything that was wrong with him. It seemed like if he could, he would have hugged his secondary personality, like that would help in the situation. Not quite falling forwards, he did seem obviously exhausted. Looking between the two, happy that they were there to be his support -- helped him in more ways than he could probably thank them for and he would thank them when he was able, but for the moment, all he did was mumble. "I guess I'm a little messed up in the head, huh?"

Nice parting words before he finally succumbed to his injuries and fell unconscious.