Tears on the table
(c'mon LJ was made for emos)
I broke down into tears today over my spin. It's been a spin I've had for the last...forever. I call it the debrief spin. It's what I do after I fuck up on something, I spin the possibles as to what I could have done. The biggest is the friendships I just fuck up, royal.
I always have a problem with taking breathers from people. Basically I just tell them point blank, I need space and I'm bored. Not the best way to hold onto to a friendship, shock. The worst part is there is this floating after fog that comes out when I talk sometimes; it comes in the form of my debrief spin.
I just start to talk about how fucked the other person was, and how I was practically backed into a corner. I love the victim role oh so much. The fog just seams out my mouth and just clogs the air, making what I say/mean just all murky. I usually forget what I meant to say when I start to go into the spin, and just start the victim speech. "God it sucks to be me! I can't do people, maybe I should just be a hermit."
I started to just cry today when I started spinning to my mother over coffee. Bless her heart. She just looks at me and says "why can't you just stop and let it go?"
She's going to take me a mediation guy sometime soon. Apparently, there is a mantra that can sure my spinning.
I broke down into tears today over my spin. It's been a spin I've had for the last...forever. I call it the debrief spin. It's what I do after I fuck up on something, I spin the possibles as to what I could have done. The biggest is the friendships I just fuck up, royal.
I always have a problem with taking breathers from people. Basically I just tell them point blank, I need space and I'm bored. Not the best way to hold onto to a friendship, shock. The worst part is there is this floating after fog that comes out when I talk sometimes; it comes in the form of my debrief spin.
I just start to talk about how fucked the other person was, and how I was practically backed into a corner. I love the victim role oh so much. The fog just seams out my mouth and just clogs the air, making what I say/mean just all murky. I usually forget what I meant to say when I start to go into the spin, and just start the victim speech. "God it sucks to be me! I can't do people, maybe I should just be a hermit."
I started to just cry today when I started spinning to my mother over coffee. Bless her heart. She just looks at me and says "why can't you just stop and let it go?"
She's going to take me a mediation guy sometime soon. Apparently, there is a mantra that can sure my spinning.