The Kerfuffle Along the Road
Face it.
Endings are hard. No matter how hard you prepare and how much you swear you won't cry, they always cause that little funny feeling inside of you. Moving is a source of internal confusion, especially when one is torn to go because one is sad to leave things behind or unfinished, places we've grown to depend on, people we like, and the chance that things might've "gotten better." You close doors. New ones open, but you have no idea what lies behind them. You're scared. You're tempted to cancel the move, because that would be the easy way out of all this confusion, sadness, and anxiety! Yep. Endings are hard.
But, endings give way to new beginnings! To fresh starts, filled with new adventures and new promises and lots and lots of hope. You leave behind everything that hurt you and promise not to make the same mistakes. You vow to renew your soul, to start on a blank canvas, and there is sooo much brightness in that new canvas. Oh, I can't wait until I'm painting my new life... but I know it's a hard process.
Right now, me and my sisters and our partners are all allocating to new homes. None of us has a home of our own to go to. Not even me, man. We don't have jobs, we don't have bank accounts, or secure sources of income, we don't have addresses, we don't have a clue of where we'll be eating and sleeping, we don't have close-friends. We don't got nothing. Just a dream inside, a burning dream to start a new life, to go some place new and look with brave hearts at new roads, and find new adventures inside of us. As corny as that sounds. It may sound corny, but it's true. And each one of us is brave to take this new journey, to haul all of our junk into boxes, to ship animals in crates across the sea, to toss away a lot of paper, to sell our beloved bikes, to make lists and go to the post office and the bank a million times, to face the questions and the doubts and the moments when we wonder "am I doing the right thing?" To yell and curse when things don't go as smooth. Yep. Hard stuff, man. But, I think all 5 of us believe inside of us that a new life, full of so much happiness, is finally coming to us, is waiting for us at the end of all of this stress, anxiety, sadness, and despair.
In the end, it's worth it.
You see, we can wallow in the sadness or the stress if we allow ourselves to do so. This last week, as I've said goodbye to my friends here, I was sad and full of regret. So many people I didn't really spend that much time with, either because I was too focused on medicine, or because I didn't do enough effort. I wish I could've spent ages with each and every one, ages doing this and that. So many parts of the UK I haven't seen, so many adventures I could've had. Regrets. But, if I got lost in this, I'd never, ever have the strenght to smile and walk on. We accept things, we let go of others, and above all, we treasure the beautiful memories we've made. All of them beautiful! Even the bitter ones. No one can take away my memories, and that makes me fill up with joy and the regrets sink into nothingness.
All of this was worth it and all of it was beautiful! Oh, so many memories! Learning to cook for the first time, doing laundry for the first time, taking the trash out for the first time! Washing dishes, lending people money, the hard times when I felt so alone in my room, dancing until 5am, the stink of the DR room, the stupid mistakes I made, the friends I met, the friends I lost, the nights out in the discos, the coffees down in The Shires, the bike rides along the canals, the picnics in Abbey Park, the long walks from Oadby, learning about Indian culture, the medic balls, my wonderful professors, the horrible stress of the exams!, the long hours in the LRI, those yummy yogurts, wine and tea with friends, mobile texting for the first time!, learning not to chase boys, being hurt by boys, meeting an amazing Aussie boy, meeting brave patients, learning to let go of the Dream of Being a Doctor, sitting in beds and discussing love and life and laughing. So, so many memories... I may move to a new place and never see the characters in those memories again, but I'll always have my memories. Just like all the ones I made when I lived in Florida, in New York City, and in Puerto Rico.
But now, it's time for new memories, for a new road. When we look at it this way, it is not so hard. The stress -- all of this kerfuffle!!! -- of the moving and the change is not so hard to face. Hey, we're going on a new adventure!! Who knows what lies ahead! New jobs, new classes to study, new friends, new favourite clubs and coffee houses, new shopping centres, new streets to call our own, new bedrooms, new dishes to clean. Only now, we'll know how to, because with each move we grow better and better. So much new memories waiting to be written!
So, as the end of my life in the Uk comes to an end, and the end of my sisters' lives in Massachusetts comes to an end, I find myself smiling. No, I won't deny a tear also runs down my cheek. I'm emotional that way. But, I do find myself smiling. When you think about it, life is one tremendous ride. Heh.
It's a beautiful ride.
Endings are hard. No matter how hard you prepare and how much you swear you won't cry, they always cause that little funny feeling inside of you. Moving is a source of internal confusion, especially when one is torn to go because one is sad to leave things behind or unfinished, places we've grown to depend on, people we like, and the chance that things might've "gotten better." You close doors. New ones open, but you have no idea what lies behind them. You're scared. You're tempted to cancel the move, because that would be the easy way out of all this confusion, sadness, and anxiety! Yep. Endings are hard.
But, endings give way to new beginnings! To fresh starts, filled with new adventures and new promises and lots and lots of hope. You leave behind everything that hurt you and promise not to make the same mistakes. You vow to renew your soul, to start on a blank canvas, and there is sooo much brightness in that new canvas. Oh, I can't wait until I'm painting my new life... but I know it's a hard process.
Right now, me and my sisters and our partners are all allocating to new homes. None of us has a home of our own to go to. Not even me, man. We don't have jobs, we don't have bank accounts, or secure sources of income, we don't have addresses, we don't have a clue of where we'll be eating and sleeping, we don't have close-friends. We don't got nothing. Just a dream inside, a burning dream to start a new life, to go some place new and look with brave hearts at new roads, and find new adventures inside of us. As corny as that sounds. It may sound corny, but it's true. And each one of us is brave to take this new journey, to haul all of our junk into boxes, to ship animals in crates across the sea, to toss away a lot of paper, to sell our beloved bikes, to make lists and go to the post office and the bank a million times, to face the questions and the doubts and the moments when we wonder "am I doing the right thing?" To yell and curse when things don't go as smooth. Yep. Hard stuff, man. But, I think all 5 of us believe inside of us that a new life, full of so much happiness, is finally coming to us, is waiting for us at the end of all of this stress, anxiety, sadness, and despair.
In the end, it's worth it.
You see, we can wallow in the sadness or the stress if we allow ourselves to do so. This last week, as I've said goodbye to my friends here, I was sad and full of regret. So many people I didn't really spend that much time with, either because I was too focused on medicine, or because I didn't do enough effort. I wish I could've spent ages with each and every one, ages doing this and that. So many parts of the UK I haven't seen, so many adventures I could've had. Regrets. But, if I got lost in this, I'd never, ever have the strenght to smile and walk on. We accept things, we let go of others, and above all, we treasure the beautiful memories we've made. All of them beautiful! Even the bitter ones. No one can take away my memories, and that makes me fill up with joy and the regrets sink into nothingness.
All of this was worth it and all of it was beautiful! Oh, so many memories! Learning to cook for the first time, doing laundry for the first time, taking the trash out for the first time! Washing dishes, lending people money, the hard times when I felt so alone in my room, dancing until 5am, the stink of the DR room, the stupid mistakes I made, the friends I met, the friends I lost, the nights out in the discos, the coffees down in The Shires, the bike rides along the canals, the picnics in Abbey Park, the long walks from Oadby, learning about Indian culture, the medic balls, my wonderful professors, the horrible stress of the exams!, the long hours in the LRI, those yummy yogurts, wine and tea with friends, mobile texting for the first time!, learning not to chase boys, being hurt by boys, meeting an amazing Aussie boy, meeting brave patients, learning to let go of the Dream of Being a Doctor, sitting in beds and discussing love and life and laughing. So, so many memories... I may move to a new place and never see the characters in those memories again, but I'll always have my memories. Just like all the ones I made when I lived in Florida, in New York City, and in Puerto Rico.
But now, it's time for new memories, for a new road. When we look at it this way, it is not so hard. The stress -- all of this kerfuffle!!! -- of the moving and the change is not so hard to face. Hey, we're going on a new adventure!! Who knows what lies ahead! New jobs, new classes to study, new friends, new favourite clubs and coffee houses, new shopping centres, new streets to call our own, new bedrooms, new dishes to clean. Only now, we'll know how to, because with each move we grow better and better. So much new memories waiting to be written!
So, as the end of my life in the Uk comes to an end, and the end of my sisters' lives in Massachusetts comes to an end, I find myself smiling. No, I won't deny a tear also runs down my cheek. I'm emotional that way. But, I do find myself smiling. When you think about it, life is one tremendous ride. Heh.
It's a beautiful ride.