times are changing
Strange to read the last entry I posted, it's been a long time since then and a lot has changed. Reading the sentiments of the last entry, I still feel all of that....but I feel that it's time for me to severe the romantic relationship that I have with Grant. I truly do love him; he is a wonderful man and person and so caring and smart and funny. But I have to face the fact that I am just not fulfilled in our relationship anymore. We had a long talk about this, and decided that we are going to move forward just as friends and see what happens. It is really sad, but I also feel excited and ready to move on. He supports me. He actually told me he loved me for the first time when we had that talk, which was good to finally hear, but does not change things. I think he is more sad and broken up about this then he cares to admit--I think/know that this is the closest he has been with anyone in a loooooong time, like possibly decades. I also have a lot of guilt (though I know I really shouldn't). I feel guilty that I could not be that person for him. I could not "save" him or be there for him in the ways that he needed, but he couldn't be there for me in the ways that I needed either.
We are still going to be friends and hang out. I still have a bunch of crap at his apartment that I should probably start getting out of there. I also just wrapped his super expensive Christmas present....awkward :/ But he just kept saying to me, "I'm not going anywhere. I like having you in my life, regardless of if it is a romantic relationship or just friends." It's really hard though. We were never "friends," really, we just...started dating. So it will be strange to see him and not hug him or kiss him or shower with him or sleep naked together in bed. That's been my life for almost a year now. Crazy to think about.
I still haven't mentioned any of this to Mom and Dad. It's awkward, but I guess they never really got to know him very well anyway. Him and I just had this conversation on Monday, so I'm still figuring things out mentally. I'll probably just tell the whole fam tonight or tomorrow in one fell swoop. Sigh.
We are still going to be friends and hang out. I still have a bunch of crap at his apartment that I should probably start getting out of there. I also just wrapped his super expensive Christmas present....awkward :/ But he just kept saying to me, "I'm not going anywhere. I like having you in my life, regardless of if it is a romantic relationship or just friends." It's really hard though. We were never "friends," really, we just...started dating. So it will be strange to see him and not hug him or kiss him or shower with him or sleep naked together in bed. That's been my life for almost a year now. Crazy to think about.
I still haven't mentioned any of this to Mom and Dad. It's awkward, but I guess they never really got to know him very well anyway. Him and I just had this conversation on Monday, so I'm still figuring things out mentally. I'll probably just tell the whole fam tonight or tomorrow in one fell swoop. Sigh.