FIC: Open Range, "Blue Skies"
Series: Open Range
Title: Blues Skies
Rating: R
Pairing: Ewan/Hayden
Word Count: 1,458 chapter; 7,763 overall
Feedback: Highly appreciated, please comment on my LJ.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these people and this is a work of fiction.
Summary: Once when the land was free, two cowboys learned to love.
Note: This was inspired by Annie Proulx's Brokeback Mountain.
BLUES SKIES
Thousands of miles separated them from reality when Ewan and Hayden were out there guiding the cattle on the trails to Abilene to be loaded in the stock cars and shipped off to the East. It was easy for Ewan to forget about Eve and his two girls, Clara and Esther. Hayden did that to him, made him forget about the things he ought not to forget and it didn’t bother him one bit. When he was with Hayden, Hayden was the only one that matter and sometimes that scared the shit out of Ewan.
“You’re thinkin’ too much,” said Hayden, smiling. “Stop that.”
Ewan rolled his eyes, not liking it when Hayden was bossin’ him around anymore than he liked Eve sassin’ him. “Nuthin’ much else a do here. Better than not thinkin’.”
“When you think,” said Hayden, leaning over his saddle and toward Ewan, “bad things happen.”
Ewan jabbed his finger on Hayden’s chest. “That’d be yer fault.”
Hayden heeled his stallion and put some dust and distance between them. “It’s never my fault.” He glanced back over his shoulder. “It’s always yours.”
The sunlight surrounded Hayden in a golden halo and Ewan thought it might jus be the most beautiful sight in all of Texas, but damn if he’d say that. Ewan looked away instead, looked down at ground and then looked ahead, knowing there wasn’t much more road left until they’d be back in San Antonio.
-
The first time Hayden had asked him to leave Eve and go off with him on the adventure out in California. He said the gold rush might be over, but there were still a lot of opportunities out there for two young men like themselves and they ought to take advantage of it. Ewan had felt tempted for a minute before he’d seen Eve’s face in his head telling him that he might not have been the best man for her, but he was her man and she wasn’t gonna let him go. He’d made a promise of life and death and she was gonna hold him to it. And what about his baby girl?
So Ewan had told Hayden that there was no possible way he could leave Eve or Clara, and as the years had gone by, it’d only gotten harder to turn Hayden down even when Esther had popped into the kettle. If anything, Ewan knew he needed Hayden more now than he’d ever needed him in the past. He wanted to get rid of Hayden, get him out of his mind, but every time he tried, he failed. One day, Ewan feared that when he said no to Hayden, that Hayden would leave and never come back.
“You’re afraid that I’ll ask,” said Hayden, coming up behind Ewan and standing so close that Ewan could hear him breathing, but not close enough to touch. “Because you’re afraid that you’ll say yes.”
Ewan didn’t answer, ‘cause he knew Hayden was right.
“I’ve asked this many times before,” said Hayden, “and I’ll keep asking until you give me the answer I want.” Ewan found it easier to look down at his boots than to look Hayden in the eye. “Come away with me, Ewan.”
Ewan kept staring at the ground. “I can’t leave ‘em.”
“You’re not happy with them,” said Hayden fiercely, grabbing Ewan by the shoulders. “You’re happy with me.”
Ewan tried to shrug Hayden’s hands off of him, but Hayden only tightened his hold, like he was afraid that if he let go, he would lose Ewan forever. “I can’t, you know I can’t!”
“You can!” exclaimed Hayden before he abruptly let go of Ewan. “But you won’t.”
Ewan was surprised that Hayden had actually released him and he didn’t know what to do with himself. He should turn around and walk away, but he couldn’t. He was rooted to the ground and so he stayed there, standing and just kept looking at the dirt and how it stirred every now and then from the wind.
“I wish,” said Hayden softly that Ewan almost didn’t hear him, “I wish… I knew how to quit you.”
When Ewan raised his head up to finally look at Hayden, he wasn’t there.
-
When that trail ride came to the end, Ewan didn’t see Hayden again when the next one came up and the next. But he kept on going to them, hoping that one day Hayden would show. After all, hadn’t he said that he’d always be there, even if he wasn’t there? So where was he? Where was he? Ewan slammed his fist into the wall and his knuckles scrapped against the uneven surface, burning his skin. But Hayden had to understand he couldn’t-he just could not-leave Eve and his girls. Hayden had to understand that the only way they could be together was during the summer. That was it. Summer.
Summer was their time.
-
Ten years after Hayden had disappeared into the Texas dust, Eve got sick with fever and died, cursing Ewan’s name. His girls, Clara and Esther had then given him a letter, saying that their mama had always kept it close to her and they figured it was important ‘cause it had his name written on it and all. They didn’t know why mama had never given it to him, but now that she was gone, they felt it was proper that they give it to him. Ewan had taken one look at the letter and he knew who it was from. It was Hayden’s writin’.
Ewan had ripped it apart and his eyes immediately landed on the date, March 11, 1872. Exactly the year that Hayden hadn’t shown up. Ewan almost didn’t want to read the letter, didn’t want to read the accusations and excuses in them. He knew that in his heart he should a gone after Hayden, should a not let him leave without him, but he knew that in his mind he’d done the right thing to stay with Eve and his girls, even if Eve had died telling him off. At least he was there, even if he hadn’t really been there as he should a been.
Ewan,
Never been much for writing letters, but I thought I might as well let you know that I won’t be coming down anymore. You and me, you’re right. We can’t be together like we were. It just ain’t right and I’ll miss you sorely.
Yours,
Hayden
Of all the things Ewan had expected that hadn’t been it. He’d expected more words, more everything, more explanations, more of something that he wanted and that he’d rejected. Ewan read the letter over and over again, until the words were blurred into his mind and he jus sat there with the letter in his hand. After a few days of this, he decided he was gonna write to Hayden, even if his writing was poor, but there was no return address and he had no idea in hell where Hayden was.
Goddamn that son-of-a-bitch, he thought. Goddamn Eve. Why had she kept the letter from him? He’d never mentioned Hayden before. Not once had he breathed a word to her and yet she knew enough to keep the letter from him. ‘Cause he knew now, if he’d known then that he would a lost Hayden permanently, he would a gone after him.
-
And so the years passed and his girls grew up and Ewan got into hard drinking, not that he hadn’t been drinking before. It was easy-yeah, damn easy-to drown out his misery in hard liquor and bright, swirling colors. But it got harder, though, like things always get. It took more and more of the whiskey to get him drunk and no matter what he did to scrape some money together, it always ran out. Ewan slammed his head repeatedly against the walls, thinking that even if he couldn’t make his head pound with whiskey, he could do it this way to get to the pain.
And it wouldn’t ever go away ‘cause Hayden was gone, truly gone, not temporarily gone. Turned out that Hayden’s letter, about why they couldn’t be together was ‘cause Hayden wasn’t well. At first, Ewan hadn’t believe it, couldn’t believe it. But when he’d gone out and seen Hayden’s grave, he known then that it was true. Hayden was long since buried in north Louisiana on some old family land. It was beautiful piece of land. Ewan had gone to seen it and he’d cried there like he hadn’t cried since he was a babe and above him, the skies were clear, not a cloud to hang over them, and as blue as could be. And it was free the way they'd never been.
THE END
Please review :), last chance!
Title: Blues Skies
Rating: R
Pairing: Ewan/Hayden
Word Count: 1,458 chapter; 7,763 overall
Feedback: Highly appreciated, please comment on my LJ.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these people and this is a work of fiction.
Summary: Once when the land was free, two cowboys learned to love.
Note: This was inspired by Annie Proulx's Brokeback Mountain.
BLUES SKIES
Thousands of miles separated them from reality when Ewan and Hayden were out there guiding the cattle on the trails to Abilene to be loaded in the stock cars and shipped off to the East. It was easy for Ewan to forget about Eve and his two girls, Clara and Esther. Hayden did that to him, made him forget about the things he ought not to forget and it didn’t bother him one bit. When he was with Hayden, Hayden was the only one that matter and sometimes that scared the shit out of Ewan.
“You’re thinkin’ too much,” said Hayden, smiling. “Stop that.”
Ewan rolled his eyes, not liking it when Hayden was bossin’ him around anymore than he liked Eve sassin’ him. “Nuthin’ much else a do here. Better than not thinkin’.”
“When you think,” said Hayden, leaning over his saddle and toward Ewan, “bad things happen.”
Ewan jabbed his finger on Hayden’s chest. “That’d be yer fault.”
Hayden heeled his stallion and put some dust and distance between them. “It’s never my fault.” He glanced back over his shoulder. “It’s always yours.”
The sunlight surrounded Hayden in a golden halo and Ewan thought it might jus be the most beautiful sight in all of Texas, but damn if he’d say that. Ewan looked away instead, looked down at ground and then looked ahead, knowing there wasn’t much more road left until they’d be back in San Antonio.
-
The first time Hayden had asked him to leave Eve and go off with him on the adventure out in California. He said the gold rush might be over, but there were still a lot of opportunities out there for two young men like themselves and they ought to take advantage of it. Ewan had felt tempted for a minute before he’d seen Eve’s face in his head telling him that he might not have been the best man for her, but he was her man and she wasn’t gonna let him go. He’d made a promise of life and death and she was gonna hold him to it. And what about his baby girl?
So Ewan had told Hayden that there was no possible way he could leave Eve or Clara, and as the years had gone by, it’d only gotten harder to turn Hayden down even when Esther had popped into the kettle. If anything, Ewan knew he needed Hayden more now than he’d ever needed him in the past. He wanted to get rid of Hayden, get him out of his mind, but every time he tried, he failed. One day, Ewan feared that when he said no to Hayden, that Hayden would leave and never come back.
“You’re afraid that I’ll ask,” said Hayden, coming up behind Ewan and standing so close that Ewan could hear him breathing, but not close enough to touch. “Because you’re afraid that you’ll say yes.”
Ewan didn’t answer, ‘cause he knew Hayden was right.
“I’ve asked this many times before,” said Hayden, “and I’ll keep asking until you give me the answer I want.” Ewan found it easier to look down at his boots than to look Hayden in the eye. “Come away with me, Ewan.”
Ewan kept staring at the ground. “I can’t leave ‘em.”
“You’re not happy with them,” said Hayden fiercely, grabbing Ewan by the shoulders. “You’re happy with me.”
Ewan tried to shrug Hayden’s hands off of him, but Hayden only tightened his hold, like he was afraid that if he let go, he would lose Ewan forever. “I can’t, you know I can’t!”
“You can!” exclaimed Hayden before he abruptly let go of Ewan. “But you won’t.”
Ewan was surprised that Hayden had actually released him and he didn’t know what to do with himself. He should turn around and walk away, but he couldn’t. He was rooted to the ground and so he stayed there, standing and just kept looking at the dirt and how it stirred every now and then from the wind.
“I wish,” said Hayden softly that Ewan almost didn’t hear him, “I wish… I knew how to quit you.”
When Ewan raised his head up to finally look at Hayden, he wasn’t there.
-
When that trail ride came to the end, Ewan didn’t see Hayden again when the next one came up and the next. But he kept on going to them, hoping that one day Hayden would show. After all, hadn’t he said that he’d always be there, even if he wasn’t there? So where was he? Where was he? Ewan slammed his fist into the wall and his knuckles scrapped against the uneven surface, burning his skin. But Hayden had to understand he couldn’t-he just could not-leave Eve and his girls. Hayden had to understand that the only way they could be together was during the summer. That was it. Summer.
Summer was their time.
-
Ten years after Hayden had disappeared into the Texas dust, Eve got sick with fever and died, cursing Ewan’s name. His girls, Clara and Esther had then given him a letter, saying that their mama had always kept it close to her and they figured it was important ‘cause it had his name written on it and all. They didn’t know why mama had never given it to him, but now that she was gone, they felt it was proper that they give it to him. Ewan had taken one look at the letter and he knew who it was from. It was Hayden’s writin’.
Ewan had ripped it apart and his eyes immediately landed on the date, March 11, 1872. Exactly the year that Hayden hadn’t shown up. Ewan almost didn’t want to read the letter, didn’t want to read the accusations and excuses in them. He knew that in his heart he should a gone after Hayden, should a not let him leave without him, but he knew that in his mind he’d done the right thing to stay with Eve and his girls, even if Eve had died telling him off. At least he was there, even if he hadn’t really been there as he should a been.
Ewan,
Never been much for writing letters, but I thought I might as well let you know that I won’t be coming down anymore. You and me, you’re right. We can’t be together like we were. It just ain’t right and I’ll miss you sorely.
Yours,
Hayden
Of all the things Ewan had expected that hadn’t been it. He’d expected more words, more everything, more explanations, more of something that he wanted and that he’d rejected. Ewan read the letter over and over again, until the words were blurred into his mind and he jus sat there with the letter in his hand. After a few days of this, he decided he was gonna write to Hayden, even if his writing was poor, but there was no return address and he had no idea in hell where Hayden was.
Goddamn that son-of-a-bitch, he thought. Goddamn Eve. Why had she kept the letter from him? He’d never mentioned Hayden before. Not once had he breathed a word to her and yet she knew enough to keep the letter from him. ‘Cause he knew now, if he’d known then that he would a lost Hayden permanently, he would a gone after him.
-
And so the years passed and his girls grew up and Ewan got into hard drinking, not that he hadn’t been drinking before. It was easy-yeah, damn easy-to drown out his misery in hard liquor and bright, swirling colors. But it got harder, though, like things always get. It took more and more of the whiskey to get him drunk and no matter what he did to scrape some money together, it always ran out. Ewan slammed his head repeatedly against the walls, thinking that even if he couldn’t make his head pound with whiskey, he could do it this way to get to the pain.
And it wouldn’t ever go away ‘cause Hayden was gone, truly gone, not temporarily gone. Turned out that Hayden’s letter, about why they couldn’t be together was ‘cause Hayden wasn’t well. At first, Ewan hadn’t believe it, couldn’t believe it. But when he’d gone out and seen Hayden’s grave, he known then that it was true. Hayden was long since buried in north Louisiana on some old family land. It was beautiful piece of land. Ewan had gone to seen it and he’d cried there like he hadn’t cried since he was a babe and above him, the skies were clear, not a cloud to hang over them, and as blue as could be. And it was free the way they'd never been.
THE END
Please review :), last chance!