fucking a, does everything in my life have to suck?
I think im not happy, but i dont know if i am unhappy too.
So to explain, the recent turn of events has been in poor timing and as such also horrible. So my ex continues to speak to me despite the fact that i have no idea why she does. This frustrates my logical little brain to no end. On top of that, i am getting horribly burnt out at work with traveling. I have spent over a week traveling in the last month and a week, three trips total. I told my boss i am done traveling and to please not ask me too anymore. Guess what im doing next week? traveling. Okay lastely, the last living and speaking to me best friend of mine has cancer. Now this is the most recent development and has hit me the hardest. It has also started me thinking because my other best friend has a crazy wife and she is no longer letting him be my friend. All this is getting me thinking that i must have karmic balance coming my way because this is a bundle of shit to deal with all at once and not a whole lot of me to spread around to absord and accept all this. Needless to say, i think i am slowly breaking down. all of my negative qualities are coming forward and damned if i cant just stop it because ... well i cant. So, i can smile and still have a good time which makes me think im happy but i know this is just momentary and fleeting so am i unhappy? Would i not be able to have a good time if i was unhappy? Maybe i have finally achieved some dharmic state of not giving a rats ass about anything in the world but those things i can effect directly.
who knows. Its more then i can wrap my brain around right now. time to start another week on sunday... fuck i hate working this much.
So to explain, the recent turn of events has been in poor timing and as such also horrible. So my ex continues to speak to me despite the fact that i have no idea why she does. This frustrates my logical little brain to no end. On top of that, i am getting horribly burnt out at work with traveling. I have spent over a week traveling in the last month and a week, three trips total. I told my boss i am done traveling and to please not ask me too anymore. Guess what im doing next week? traveling. Okay lastely, the last living and speaking to me best friend of mine has cancer. Now this is the most recent development and has hit me the hardest. It has also started me thinking because my other best friend has a crazy wife and she is no longer letting him be my friend. All this is getting me thinking that i must have karmic balance coming my way because this is a bundle of shit to deal with all at once and not a whole lot of me to spread around to absord and accept all this. Needless to say, i think i am slowly breaking down. all of my negative qualities are coming forward and damned if i cant just stop it because ... well i cant. So, i can smile and still have a good time which makes me think im happy but i know this is just momentary and fleeting so am i unhappy? Would i not be able to have a good time if i was unhappy? Maybe i have finally achieved some dharmic state of not giving a rats ass about anything in the world but those things i can effect directly.
who knows. Its more then i can wrap my brain around right now. time to start another week on sunday... fuck i hate working this much.