Title: How the Padildo was Forgotten (padildo!verse 3a/3)
Author:
nemo_88, but you can call me Nemo
Fandom: SPN RPS
Pairing/Character: Jared (Jared/Jensen) cameo by Chad (yay!)
Word Count: ~3500 (this part)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: RPS? Crack? Slash? If that’s not your thing.
Disclaimer: I do not know Jensen or Jared. I certainly don’t own them. This series is a complete work of fiction: it never happened.
Summary: First part of the third and final (?) installment in my padildo series, sequel to
Clone-A-Willy and
Further Adventures of the Padildo Jared had never given much thought to his sexuality. It had never been a choice between boys or girls, like it probably had been for Jensen. Jared was turned on when he was turned on and horny when he was horny. It was as simple as that.
Author’s Note: Dedicated to
vanee for putting this insane plotbunny in my head, cheering me on and reading my fics even when they’re unfinished, unbeta’d and incredibly messy. I would not have completed this without you. *huggles*
A huge thank you to my betas
boheme06 and
jewels667 for putting up with my bad English and wordy, run-on sentences. *lol*
Somehow, writing this part in Jared POV made it less cracky. xD Hope you like anyway!
(Banner by me,
nemo_88)
How the Padildo Was Forgotten
The weird thing about finding out his best friend was gay was that Jared never saw it coming. He felt like everything should suddenly be different, that things should have changed somehow - except they hadn’t. Jensen was still the same guy and still his best friend.
Like anything could ever change that.
The only thing that was different was that Jared felt completely and utterly stupid. Like a squishy sponge had momentarily replaced his brain. Or like everybody else was in on a joke except him, laughing like hyenas behind his back.
Because, dude? How many times had he tried to make Jensen go out with random girl X or hook up with hot chick Y? How many times had Jensen refused or pulled out at last minute? Jared figured it was his shyness showing. A lot people didn’t know how freaking shy Jen could be.
He had to admit, it was one of his favorite things about Jensen.
In one way, Jensen’s homosexuality explained so many things. Like why he got so squeamish when fans asked if they were together. And his whole obsession with Johnny Depp. It also explained the hand wipes and the bottle of fresh sparkling water he always carried with him (because that was just so gay). All those small, weird things that made Jensen, Jensen. But finding out also left Jared with a lot questions. And he wasn’t exactly the type to keep quiet.
Jared sat down at the table next to Jensen at lunch break, his plate so stuffed full with food it could feed at least 3 starving families. He couldn’t keep it in anymore. They hadn’t had a chance to talk before now. Jensen had been late that morning and all they’d said to each other were their lines while acting out the Winchester brothers' drama.
“Look, I’m sorry about before, Jen. Chad’s just Chad, you know? And I didn’t mean to-“
“Jay, it’s fine,” Jensen said, but his smile looked a little strained and Jared really wanted things back to normal between them.
“You sure? Cause I didn’t mean to freak you out with all those questions, I was just surprised, you know?”
“Jay, I know.”
“We’re cool, right? Cause I’m cool with it. Really. We could like, go to a gay bar sometime, it would be awesome.”
“Yes, we’re cool.” Jensen rolled his eyes. ”But no fucking gay bar, have you heard the music they play in those shitholes? If I have to hear Gloria Gaynor one more time in my life, I swear to God I’m gonna-”
Jared laughed, relieved. They we’re okay. He wouldn’t have settled for anything less.
“So what’s your type?” he asked casually, munching on his enchiladas.
“Excuse me?”
“Your type. In guys.”
“Hell no, man. We’re not going there.”
“I know you have this whole thing for Johnny Depp, but man, he’s so changeable I don’t know what to make of it.”
”My admiration for Depp has nothing to do with being gay.”
”Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that.”
”I mean it. He’s a good actor. That’s all.”
”Sure you don’t wanna, say, clone his dick or something?”
”Oh, oh you’re so dead, Padalecki!” Jensen exclaimed, shaking his head, his tone a warning but with a hint of a joke as he threw a french fry at Jared who easily ducked out of the way, laughing.
“But seriously, Jen. What’s your type? What about… Brad Pitt?”
Jensen frowned, disgusted. “You gotta give me something better than that.”
“Brad’s hot! Right?”
“Why don’t you go give him your cock-clone then, sure you could have some fun.”
“I’mma think about it,” Jared grinned and Jensen almost choked on his burger. “What about… Jake Gyllenhaal? After Brokeback Mountain-“
“Please, just because he plays gay on film doesn’t mean I-“
“Fine,” Jared said, holding up his hands in surrender, laughing.
“Can we drop this topic?”
“What about… “ Jared’s face lit up into a grin. “Me?”
“You? The fucking Eiffel tower? Who doesn’t know what a haircut is?”
“I know what a-“ Jared cut himself off. “You really think I’m ugly?”
It was hard to not feel a little bit hurt. Because, come on, Jen was his best friend, if nothing else, Jared’s awesome personality should make Jensen think he was damn good-looking. And what was wrong with his hair?
“Dude, you’re gorgeous, everybody knows it,“ Jensen admitted, laughing. “Let it go.”
Jared grinned, pleased. “But am I like ‘sexy’ or more of a-“
“Jared.”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
* * *
One thing Jared couldn’t stop thinking about was that dildo he made. How Jensen found it. Looking back at it now he wasn’t sure if he was reading too much into it or not. At the time he saw nothing odd about the situation, but now? He couldn’t help but think Jensen had acted a little nervous. Yeah, so the guy was gay, did that change anything? Was he acting twitchy now because of it?
He stole it. While drunk of course, but still Jen took the dildo when Jared wasn’t looking. That had to tell him something right? Except Jared wasn’t sure what.
Jared didn’t think about what Jen looked like holding it, that small surprised look on his face. Of course not. He didn’t think about the light blush creeping up Jensen’s cheeks as he explained he had taken the dildo home with him the night before, by accident. Jared didn’t let his mind linger on what Jensen could have wanted the dildo for that night, all alone. He didn’t imagine all the ways Jen could have used it. Hell no. That would be crossing a line. Just because Jensen was gay didn’t mean he wanted a penis made of plastic or that it turned him on.
Then why was he bringing the damn thing over to Jen’s place, offering it like a fruit basket to Jen like he was some perky housewife looking to make apple pie?
Jared knew better. He mentally slapped himself, cause man, how could he be this stupid? Jensen looked at him strangely.
“Let me get this straight. You’re offering me your dildo?”
“Yeah.” Jared’s shrugged, feeling stupider than ever. ”I just-I guess I thought I should at least ask since you-”
“Since I what?”
Jared’s mouth fell shut, realizing Jen had misinterpreted his intentions.
“Think I need a dildo? Think I can’t get cock on my own?”
“No! That’s not what I meant.” Pause. “Although it’s not like I’ve seen you with anyone.”
“Because I didn’t want you to know,” Jensen reminded him.
“So you’ve… been with guys, like, here in Vancouver?”
Jared wasn’t sure if he actually wanted the answer to that question. The idea that Jensen had some secret life behind his back, meeting guys and not telling him about it made Jared feel strangely insignificant. It was almost insulting. They were best friends, they could tell each other everything, right? The thought of Jensen with another guy, sharing a part of himself Jared never had got to see made him… well, Jared wasn’t sure what it made him but he sure as hell didn’t like it.
“I don’t see how that’s your business.”
“Look man, you stole it. That’s why I thought you’d… want it, or something.”
“I don’t,” Jensen said and turned away, apparently ending the discussion right there.
“Right. Of course,” Jared nodded, getting ready to leave. How stupid could he be to think Jensen would have wanted the dildo? Apparently he could be even stupider, because his big mouth kept talking, making excuses for himself. “I was just gonna get rid of it, you know? Thought I’d at least ask first.”
That got Jensen’s attention. “You’re gonna throw it away?”
“Yeah. No point in keeping it right? I’ve got the original.” Jared smirked.
Jared could practically see the battle going on in Jensen’s mind before he gave in, annoyed. “Oh, hell. Give it to me.”
“Yeah?” Jared smiled a big toothy grin. Jensen still looked annoyed but he reached out his hand.
“Gimme that. Got me out of the closet didn’t it?”
“It did,” Jared said, barely hiding his smirk.
“Better keep it as a momento.”
Jared grinned, handing over the padildo. “Sure. You do that.”
* * *
Jared had never given much thought to his sexuality. It had never been a choice between boys or girls, like it probably had been for Jensen. Jared was turned on when he was turned on and horny when he was horny. It was as simple as that.
But finding out his best friend was gay all of a sudden made Jared give the subject a lot of thought. Like, how did you know? Like, for sure?
Jared had met tons of guys he found attractive. It wasn’t like he was shallow or anything, a person’s looks was just the first thing he saw when he met someone. Gay men sometimes came up to him, hitting on him or just to complement him and that was a-ok with Jared. Usually he shared a drink with the guy at the bar, made him laugh (according to Chad: broke a few hearts) because that’s just the way Jared was. He always went home alone though, another option hadn’t even crossed his mind. Jared had a girlfriend (at least he did the last time it had happened) and if he was anything, it was loyal.
“Have you ever thought of havin’ sex with a guy?”
“What the fuck?” Chad practically flew off the couch, “What kind of crazy shit has gotten it to you, Jay?”
Sunday afternoon and they were at Jared’s place, lazily watching some bad reality show on TV. Jared took a swig of his beer and vaguely wondered if they should be making something out of their weekend before they had to go back to long days of shooting.
“It was just a question.”
“First you clone your cock, then you break up with Sandy, who’s pretty damn fine-“
“That was a mutual decision.”
“Oh, and she’s not looking to take you back?” Chad gave him a meaningful look.
“Just forget I ever asked,” Jared muttered.
“Has Ackles infected you with his gay vibe, man? Unbelievable.”
“Why do you say shit like that? You’re a fucking homophobe, Chad.”
“I’m just telling things like I see 'em. Nothin’ wrong with that. Jensen seriously wanted to keep that clone to himself.”
“Oh, fuck you,” Jared grabbed the nearest pillow he could find and threw it hard at Chad, who was sitting at the other end of the couch.
“Pillow fight? You're a fucking girl, Padalecki!” Chad laughed as he threw the pillow back at Jared. He was still smiling when he settled down and continued, a little more seriously (if ‘serious’ even existed in Chad’s range of emotions) “Look, man. I’ve known you for a long time now, right? If you wanna screw Ackles, be my guest. The guy’s been pining for you for years, better to end his misery.”
Jared gave Chad a dumfounded look. “You think he’s...” Jared frowned, “into me?”
“Jay, man, you’re the most outgoing person I know but you seriously can’t read people. Hear me out: Ackles. Wants. To. Fuck. You.” At Jared’s blank look, he added. “Badly.”
Jared let out a small laugh, surprised and overwhelmed by the whole conversation. “Shit.”
“Yeah,” Chad agreed. “You gonna eat that pizza?”
* * *
Shooting the next day was weird to say the least. Jared wasn’t usually thrown off by anything, but this wasn’t just any regular thing. He spent the whole day watching Jen’s every move, listening to every word he said and Jared didn’t even care if he was staring.
The more he watched, the more it became clear to him. Chad was right. Jensen had a crush on him, all right. It was all there if you only could speak Jensen. And read the signs.
It was obvious that the annoyed frown in Jensen’s forehead meant ‘I wanna screw you silly’ and that the irritated sigh when Jared messed up his lines for the fifth time in a row clearly said ‘shut up and kiss me’. Furthermore, ‘you’re crazy, Padalecki’ obviously meant ‘you’re so goddamn sexy, Padalecki’ and ‘get your hands off me’ clearly translated to ‘don’t you dare stop touching me’. Not that there had been much touching. Jared tried to linger a little longer in their welcoming hugs and supportive slaps on the back, all of which made Jensen give him startled looks that Jared confidently interpreted as ‘I can’t stop thinking about you, too’.
It was all there if only Jared bothered to look.
* * *
“You’re kind of pretty.”
The words flew out of Jared’s mouth before he had a chance to stop them. They were at their usual bar, the one they always went to while shooting in Vancouver and Jared had been staring at Jensen intently from across the table. It had never occurred to him before that Jensen was pretty. He always knew Jen was good-looking, it was common knowledge; ask the first person you met on the street and they’d tell you. No, Jared knew Jen was good-looking, but staring at those eyes now and those heart-shaped, pouty lips - hell, they were pouty - he actually could see it for himself. For real.
Jensen frowned, clearly not sure if he should be flattered or offended. “Well, we always agreed that I was the pretty one.”
“No, I mean like, you’re... beautiful.” Jared spoke the last word with wonder. He frowned to himself, surprised, as if it just had hit him.
“Uh huh,” Jensen said slowly, skeptically. “And you’re incredibly... drunk.”
Except he wasn’t. Not that drunk, at least. Jared had been know to say many profound things while drunk (or so he convinced himself) and this was just another fine example.
“What? You said I was gorgeous, what’s the difference?”
“Well, for starters, I’m gay, you’re not.”
“How do you know?” Jared said defiantly, pouting as he brought his glass of beer to his lips.
“Seriously?” Jensen asked in disbelief and Jared just nodded eagerly. “You’re seriously asking me how I know you’re not gay?”
“Yeah! I didn’t know you were until last week.”
“Jay, you’re straight. You had a girlfriend a month ago.”
“Yeah? So maybe I’m bi?”
“This is ridiculous. I’m not gonna discuss this with you, man. You’re plastered.”
“Why?”
“Because!” Jensen said exasperated. “Just because.”
The thing was, Jared wasn’t sure how to hit on someone of the same sex. With girls, it was easy, he didn't even have to work at it. Usually girls came up to him, and Jared soon had them eating out of the palm of his hand. Not that he was a big flirter, or anything.
Now Jensen, he was an entirely different story.
“What? You totally want me.” It might have been blunt, but it served its purpose. Jared accompanied it with a giggle though, and if Jensen didn't think he was drunk before, he sure as hell was convinced now. Damn. Stupid giggling mouth.
“You know what? I’m leaving.” Jensen rose to his feet, his expression calm. Jared knew him well enough to see the twitching in the corner of his mouth was a strong indicator that Jen was secretly loosing it. (In Jensen-speak it totally meant ‘you’re so right, Padalecki’)
“It’s obvious you can’t handle my being gay, but you don’t get to fucking make fun of me, all right?” Jensen looked him right in the eye and Jared could feel himself sobering up, breath hitching and suddenly everything got very serious. Jensen muttered, “You're no better than Chad,” before leaving the table.
Oh, shit now he’d really gone and screwed things up. “Jen, wait. Hold up, man.”
Jensen was already on his way out and Jared had to run a few steps to catch up with him. He grabbed Jensen’s arm as he got close enough, made him stop and look at him.
“I didn't mean it like that. I wasn’t making fun of you. I swear.”
Jensen remained silent, stoic, his face emotionless except for his barely hidden anger. “Don’t fucking screw with me, Jared.”
Jared couldn’t help but leer. “Why not?”
Jensen let out a frustrated groan and walked out the door. Jared went after him.
“Okay, I'm sorry, but you were kind of begging for it.” Jared laughed, hoping Jensen could see he wasn’t laughing at him, just the situation. “Chad said you were into me,” he confessed, the words slipping out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop them. He waited dumbly for Jensen to respond.
“Chad said? Oh, right, then it must be true. Jesus.”
They stopped just outside the pub. Jared tilted his head and studied Jensen, trying to get at the real emotion hidden under Jensen’s protective sarcasm.
“Well, are you?”
“Fuck you.”
“We could, you know,” Jared offered. “We’re young. We’re hot. You’re hot. And you’re not the only one who thinks about it, you know. Fuck, Jensen you had your hands all over my dildo for Christ’s sake.”
“What are you trying to say?” Jensen asked, still on guard.
“I'm saying-“ Jared begun, “I can't stop thinking about this. About you.”
The clichéd but heartfelt confession was slightly ruined by Jared’s hiccup seconds later and he tried his best to swallow the next hiccup while waiting for Jensen’s response.
Jensen started laughing, a bit too harshly for Jared’s taste, a cold laugh that killed the last shred of Jared’s hope that they might solve this shit tonight. “You’re not gay, Jared! Stop trying to prove something to me!”
“How can you be so sure? How do you know?”
“I just know! Okay? You don’t just wake up a little gayer than usual one morning, ‘cause you wore a pink sweater the night before. It’s something that you feel, a part of you that’s been there since you were a kid!”
“What, you watched Dirty Dancing and fell in love with Patrick Swayze?” Jared said meanly. It came out more harshly than Jared intended. But seriously? Who was Jensen to lecture him about this shit?
Jared saw Jen’s face go soft as he mumbled something, and all Jared could think was shit, maybe he did. Maybe Swayze was Jen’s type. Jared shuddered inwardly at that but asked, “What?”
“Terminator 2.” Jensen cleared his throat. “It was T2 for me.”
Jared’s eyes came close to popping out of his skull. “Arnold?? Arnold Schwarzenegger is your type? Jesus, dude-“
“Fuck, no! The kid! Edward, uh Furlong or what’s his name. I was thirteen for Christ’s sake! Jesus.”
Jared couldn’t help but smile at that. Imagining Jen as a kid, watching action movies and crushing on the male stars; dreaming of becoming one of the big ones.
“He was kind of cute.” Jared smiled.
“Damn straight he was.”
Jared could tell Jensen was trying to stay serious, trying not to smile, but he could see one tugging at the corner of Jen’s lips. They were silent for a moment until Jensen spoke again.
“Look, all I’m trying to say is that you know this stuff. If you’re gay, you just know. It becomes sort of obvious, growing up. It’s like, Mindy James asking you a gazillion time to homecoming when you most of all want to go ask Bobby next door.”
“You make it sounds like it’s a burden,” Jared mumbled.
“Well, sometimes it is,” Jen answered quietly and there was so much old history in that statement Jared didn’t know what to say. “When you grow up in Dallas, Texas and folks won’t leave you alone.” He nodded a few times to himself before repeating, “Yeah, it can be a burden.”
Part b