Fic: Never Be the Same Again (2/?)
Banner by me (nemo_88)
Title: Never Be the Same Again (2/?)
Author: nemo_88 but you can call me Nemo
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica, Lilly (mentions of Lilly/Logan, Lilly/Weevil and well, Lilly/Aaron)
Word Count: 2427 (this part)
Rating: PG-13/R? not god on ratings...
Summary: AU season 1/pre-pilot. Lilly doesn't die, instead Logan finds out she slept with Aaron and life as we know it in Neptune is turned upside down.
Spoilers/Warnings: You need to have seen all of season one. Otherwise it won't make much sense. Pretty dark at times.
Author's Note:
The amazing douladiva did the beta, as did luxferi. You guys are absolutely amazing, having patience with me. evie_0 has once again left me feedback all through the process of writing this and for that she deserves unlimited amounts of cookies.
Italics are still flashbacks. And I live for feedback. :D
Part 1
Part 2
“Do you know what Weevil did?”
“Do I wanna know what Weevil did?”
“You have a dirty mind, Mars.” Lilly winks, mock offended.
“Fine, give me the PG-13 version.”
Lilly hands her the bottle - what used to contain Coke now is filled with a light yellow liquid - and Veronica takes a sip. She doesn’t know how many types of liquor Lilly has mixed, but judging by the taste (worse than usual), she assumes it’s many. Apparently Celeste is keeping her hawk eyes on the liquor cabinet again. Thus, Lilly can’t steal whole bottles - only a gulp of each kind - and Veronica is left to drink the not so pleasant mix. Lilly calls it a ‘Neptune special’ and drinks it like water.
“He got a tattoo with my name on it.”
Veronica spits out the drink in surprise and coughs as some of it tries to make its way down to her lungs. “What?!”
“A tattoo, on his back.”
“Are you serious?”
Lilly nods. “Uh huh. At first I thought it was cool, you know? It’s impulsive, kinda hot.”
“But...?”
“But.”
“But it will be there for the rest of his life,” Veronica reasons.
“Yeah, there’s that. And it feels like I owe him something now, or whatever. Like I’m supposed to be his girlfriend and shit. Which I’m totally not.”
“Uh huh.”
“Gah! Why do guys have to be like casts, clinging, you know? Sucking away at your skin?”
Veronica laughs. “I thought you liked the sucking.”
“Oh, I do!” Lilly corrects herself, and laughs with Veronica. “It’s just, they can feel like a commitment, you know? Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I want that.”
Lilly drags her bare feet through the sand and watches how it sprinkles through her toes. They’re sitting on Veronica’s spread jacket on the beach and Back-up is lying beside them chewing on a wooden stick. Lilly rests her head on her friend’s shoulder.
“At least things were simple with Aaron.”
Veronica snorts.
“Well, it was. While it lasted. We both knew what we wanted and I didn’t have to worry about him asking me to the prom and stuff. Simple. ”
“Your logic only works in Lilly-land,” Veronica answers dryly.
* * *
When he finally picks up she lets out a sigh of relief.
“Logan, where are you?”
She’s already in her car, her cell phone cradled between her ear and shoulder.
“A location, please?”
She listens, rolls her eyes.
“I don’t think I’ve heard of that place, care to tell me where you really are?”
“I’ll be there in a minute,” she says and hangs up the phone.
It takes her four minutes to get there. The location should have surprised her but it doesn’t. She’s sure he can afford a room at the Grand, but a stinky motel like the Camelot? Excellent hide out.
Frankly, she’s not sure what to say to him. She’s always looked at him in terms of Lilly’s boyfriend, never actually spent time with him alone before. But they’ve known each other for years and, after seeing the mess of him the night before, she needs to check he’s okay. She doesn’t think Duncan or any of the jocks he calls his friends will.
She barely knocks on the door before it opens and he lets her in without a word.
She’s quiet at first, doesn’t know what to say, where to begin. Her eyes are locked on the dirty wall-to-wall carpet (how impractical in a motel, she thinks) and Logan is on the bed, silent.
“I’m sorry,” she says at last.
“What?” he answers, voice cold. “You slept with him too?”
“No!”
“Did you know? Did she tell you?”
“No. I read the paper like the rest of Neptune,” Veronica admits.
“That’s just- Neat, isn’t it? I thought you two were friends.”
“So did I.”
Logan lets out a hollow laugh.
“Did it have to be him? Did it have to be- she knows what he does, she knows- Does she really hate me that much?”
He’s standing in the middle of the room now, shoulders slumped, clothes tussled from sleeping in them. He looks so broken. Lost, like a stray dog looking for a new home. Veronica’s afraid she will take him in.
“He’s my father, she fucked my father!” His face contorts, disgusted.
Veronica walks up to him, those last three steps, and puts her arms around him.
“I know,” she says softly.
It’s an awkward embrace at first. After all, he is her best friend’s ex-boyfriend and they’re not supposed to comfort each other. But soon he relaxes against her, puts his arms around her in return and she thinks it’s crying she hears when he hides his face in her neck.
She’s so small against him, he has to lean down uncomfortably to hold her and he thinks it must look really ridiculous how he‘s bent over like a tired old man. But he’s not used to being comforted, not used to getting anything at all from sweet Veronica Mars, so he takes whatever she offers him. She used to save all she had for Duncan; sweet smiles, gentle touches, thoughtful gifts. Sometimes he envied the other boy. Lilly was a whole different story. She was many things, but not sweet, not unless it came with ‘bitter’ as a prefix.
Veronica’s so different. She’s living innocence in his arms and he’s afraid he’ll taint her.
Logan can’t help the tears that are forming in his eyes, can’t help as he spills them on Veronica’s white cashmere sweater. He hates that he’s crying, hates that she lets him, but most of all he hates how he holds on tighter.
They’re interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone and it takes a moment for Veronica to register the alien sound. The caller id shows it’s her dad, and she mumbles an ‘I gotta take this’ to Logan before detangling herself from his arms and going out on the balcony to answer her phone.
When she hangs up, Logan is standing where she left him, hand rubbing the back of his neck and the awkwardness is back.
“Does it hurt?” Veronica asks, pointing hesitantly at his black eye.
“It’s no big.”
“You should go to the doctor’s just to make sure…”
“It’s okay.”
“Did... Did he do that to you?”
Logan looks uncomfortable, and answers with what Veronica believes is supposed to be a sheepish grin. “Me and dad had a fight. Over a girl. Imagine that, huh? If I‘d known we were ’swingers’ I’d have asked Paris Hilton out on a date.”
Veronica frowns, concerned. “I’m really sorry.”
“Yeah,” Logan answers tiredly. “Me too.”
* * *
She helps her father carry the boxes. The photograph of the two of them with Lianne that used to decorate his desk is on top and almost falls out when she uses the box to push the door open.
She’s nervous, but keeps up a cheery attitude to lift her father’s spirits. He looks tired when she enters the new office.
It’s not until now, when everything has already gone down, that the brunt of it hits her. This is her life now. This is their life now.
She’s not sure how it happened. Looking back at it now it all seems insane. The rumors of the local sheriff’s hard attack on the poor family man (movie star) during interrogations come to mind. How the tapes - the hard proof in the decreasing amount of evidence - magically disappeared off the face of the earth. How Mr. Echolls, on national television, gave his heartbreaking speech about mistakes and forgiveness that made Veronica roll her eyes and the rest of Neptune start a witch hunt.
That is the story about how Sheriff Mars tried to put one of Neptune’s most famous men behind bars for statutory rape and lost his job in the process.
He says it was worth it, her father. Says for the bouncy little blonde in pigtails that baked snickerdoodles with his daughter in their kitchen, he’d do the same thing all over again. Because he knows he’s right. Aaron Echolls did sleep with Lilly Kane when she was underage. There’s no question about it, and they all know it. Aaron Echolls did hit his wife when he found out she’d went to the press with the tapes she‘d found. Aaron Echolls did hit his son when the boy tried to stop him. There were bruises to proof it, no matter what excuses they came up with.
Keith Mars knows he’s right and, although he can’t do much about it now, he only hopes the jury agrees with him when the trial comes up.
* * *
She turns up the volume on the TV. Not to drown out their voices, she’s not even sure that’s possible. She does it so maybe they’ll hear the TV and know she’s in the next room and they would calm down. For her sake.
The loud, harsh words they throw at each other are not meant for her ears but it still shakes through her body every time, like electric shocks. The ones who say words can’t hurt you are wrong, because it’s painful listening and Veronica can’t stop herself. She’s sitting on needles, tense in horrific anticipation, and she doesn’t want to hear more but she takes in every word.
When her mother slams the front door as she goes, Veronica jumps in her seat, involuntarily. She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and feels the relief wash over her. It’s over. This time.
* * *
She agrees to go to the party because Lilly won’t stop bugging her about it. Yes, she gives in. And as soon as they are looking at clothes to wear she regrets it.
Veronica has picked a white dress with thin straps that ends just below her knees. Lilly’s is black, about the same length but it gives a generous view of her cleavage. All of a sudden Veronica feels very much like a child.
“How long are you gonna keep pretending, Veronica?” Lilly says as they apply makeup in front of the mirror and she gives her friend’s dress an once over. “It’s not like anyone’s buying it.”
“Lilly…” Veronica starts. They’ve had this conversation at least a hundred times. Apparently Lilly has ganged up with the rest of the school and thinks she’s the über slut. When and how Lilly thinks this happened, she’s not sure. But Veronica has stopped defending herself and her virginity.
“I’m just saying you should let go. Live a little. For your own good. That red strapless is still in my closet, you know. Will drive them wild. Will drive Duncan wild.”
“Nothing drives Duncan wild,” Veronica answers tiredly.
She doesn’t know why Lilly brings up her ex. It’s not like he talks to her, or even looks at her. They haven’t been together for months. She’s over him. (Or at least she thinks she is, because how do you know for sure?) And besides, the Duncan of now is far from the Duncan she knew. She’s far from the Veronica he knew. Ever since they found out Lilly slept with…- ever since the incident, he’s been disconnected. Numb. There are rumors in school saying he’s on anti-depressants. Veronica’s willing to believe that.
“He’ll be there,” Lilly teases.
Veronica just gives her friend a long look. She’s not amused.
* * *
A music box. A unicorn music box.
That is her trade, that is what she gets instead of her mom. A wooden box painted pink with a goddamn plastic unicorn spinning to some stupid tune. It doesn’t work by itself either, she has to wind it up, and the spring is sluggish. But she does it, she listens to the tune, watches the unicorn dance, as she angrily dries her tears away, and thinks this is quite the replacement (and she has every right to be sarcastic). Soon, it slows down, the tune turns false before it stops mid-note and the unicorn stops too. Everything fades out and she has to wind it up again. But it will stop, again, and she needs to wind it up and it’s a vicious circle and just a stupid thing and when she drops it into her wastebasket she’s sure it belongs there.
It’s lies, all of it. The unicorn can’t dance, it’s trapped on a spinning spring. It isn’t music, it’s tiny pieces of metal dragged over a bumpy wheel. If you close the box the music stops. It stops no matter what you do.
She takes one last look at the note - a goddamn note - before it joins the unicorn in the wastebasket.
It’s all lies.
* * *
She regrets coming as soon as they arrive at the party. The music is loud, the place packed with people that hate her, and Lilly is clinging on some guy before Veronica’s able to complain.
She looks around, tries to find Meg, or someone who treats her half decent. She only sees raised eye-brows belonging to staring eyes and she knows what they’re saying without hearing the words; ‘Who invited Veronica Mars?‘ She’s glad when Lilly returns with drinks and throws her arm around Veronica’s shoulder.
“Here’s for you, girlfriend,” she says excitedly and hands her a glass. “Have fun!“
And she hurries back to her guy and disappears into the crowd. Of course. Lilly has spent the last three weeks trying to convince Veronica to go to Shelly’s end of the year party, but actually spending time with her while they’re there? That would classify as babysitting. Veronica sighs and takes a sip of her drink.
Before she knows it, she’s drunk half and the world is starting to spin. She half notices Logan leaving with some freshman and she’s sure he does it just to spite Lilly.
Veronica’s wobbling, dizzy through the crowd and heads for the white lounge chairs at the pool. She just needs to sit down. Just needs to sit down. Make the spinning stop. Sit down and it will be all right.
She slumps down on the chair, and sees the water of the pool beside her. It’s like she’s on a boat, a ship riding the waves, rocking and she’s dizzy, seasick because the drink makes her stomach turn.
Soon the voices around her fade out, muffled and everything goes black.