4x05 recap - Part II
Queen Beel
Erm, he's busy. Turns out, Portia is about as crazy as you can be with that level of education, brains and beauty. In short, she's a Republican. Who likes to make out with her great-great-great-whatever. Because it's HARD to find an attractive, rich, smart, conservative white guy who's polite to grandma in Bon Temps, y'all. What do you expect her to do? Date a foreigner or a liberal? How un-American would that be?
Aaaanyway - Beel deals with it. Sort of.
Sure you do, honey!
Basically, what he does is create a pretty white girl who'll be screaming uncontrollably and running away like crazy, everytime she sees a publicly known vampire - in the same town he's supposed to calm down people for the AVL. Is he sick of his job already?
That's not how you wear an awesome veil! Inara, help a girl out? - There you go!
Anyway, Pam runs into his office, confronting him with her new identity as the kraken from Pirates of the Caribbean.
Beel (not really, it's like Sam is talking instead): "Great, the world needs more bee keepers." - Like Beel knows what a bee keeper is.
Anyway, Beel takes care of the situation by zooming up to Aunt Patunia and glamouring her, which... why haven't they done that IN THE BEGINNING? Anyone? Eric? You're supposed to be the smart one!
Anyway, it's all too late, Aunt Petunia just rambles "And I don't remember much, but it was always, Lily this, Lily that... and then she gets herself blown up and I have to take in her stupid cats Vernon and Harry..." And instead of doing the right and just thing which would be yelling at her "JAMES AND LILY POTTER WERE HEROES THEY DID NOT DIE IN A CAR ACCIDENT BITCH!" Beel just turns to the camera, where Pam is watching this whole fiasco and goes: "If I weren't such a merciful and caring keeng, I'd say toldja!"
Then he tells us that Nan Flanagan owns Google and Facebook and Saudi Arabia and also: Fox News. Which means, all those blonde bimbos are just her harem, obviously. Finally, they have a real purpose! They're not just smart women who dumb down a nation for no apparent reason - so glad to hear it! I've been wondering about that for ages!
Next queenly stop: cockblocking Eric. Obviously. It's their thing - one of them makes out with Sookie, the other stops him from doing so. They really just want a little threesome, is that so hard to understand?
Go on... don't mind me, I just like to watch - oh hi, random storm troopers!
Thank you for reading. Praise his light and darkness! Leave comments! I re-wrote this 6 fucking times, because lj is a bitch and keeps deleting it, everytime I try to post - what is wrong with this site? Also, I got most gifs from tumblr, but also some from this awesome lj user: chapmangrl - check out her lj, it's great! Gif-tastic!
And last but not least: The gay communist vampire agenda has made great accomplishments! For example:
Erm, he's busy. Turns out, Portia is about as crazy as you can be with that level of education, brains and beauty. In short, she's a Republican. Who likes to make out with her great-great-great-whatever. Because it's HARD to find an attractive, rich, smart, conservative white guy who's polite to grandma in Bon Temps, y'all. What do you expect her to do? Date a foreigner or a liberal? How un-American would that be?
Aaaanyway - Beel deals with it. Sort of.
Sure you do, honey!
Basically, what he does is create a pretty white girl who'll be screaming uncontrollably and running away like crazy, everytime she sees a publicly known vampire - in the same town he's supposed to calm down people for the AVL. Is he sick of his job already?
That's not how you wear an awesome veil! Inara, help a girl out? - There you go!
Anyway, Pam runs into his office, confronting him with her new identity as the kraken from Pirates of the Caribbean.
Beel (not really, it's like Sam is talking instead): "Great, the world needs more bee keepers." - Like Beel knows what a bee keeper is.
Anyway, Beel takes care of the situation by zooming up to Aunt Patunia and glamouring her, which... why haven't they done that IN THE BEGINNING? Anyone? Eric? You're supposed to be the smart one!
Anyway, it's all too late, Aunt Petunia just rambles "And I don't remember much, but it was always, Lily this, Lily that... and then she gets herself blown up and I have to take in her stupid cats Vernon and Harry..." And instead of doing the right and just thing which would be yelling at her "JAMES AND LILY POTTER WERE HEROES THEY DID NOT DIE IN A CAR ACCIDENT BITCH!" Beel just turns to the camera, where Pam is watching this whole fiasco and goes: "If I weren't such a merciful and caring keeng, I'd say toldja!"
Then he tells us that Nan Flanagan owns Google and Facebook and Saudi Arabia and also: Fox News. Which means, all those blonde bimbos are just her harem, obviously. Finally, they have a real purpose! They're not just smart women who dumb down a nation for no apparent reason - so glad to hear it! I've been wondering about that for ages!
Next queenly stop: cockblocking Eric. Obviously. It's their thing - one of them makes out with Sookie, the other stops him from doing so. They really just want a little threesome, is that so hard to understand?
Go on... don't mind me, I just like to watch - oh hi, random storm troopers!
Thank you for reading. Praise his light and darkness! Leave comments! I re-wrote this 6 fucking times, because lj is a bitch and keeps deleting it, everytime I try to post - what is wrong with this site? Also, I got most gifs from tumblr, but also some from this awesome lj user: chapmangrl - check out her lj, it's great! Gif-tastic!
And last but not least: The gay communist vampire agenda has made great accomplishments! For example: