TT Recap Episode 4x47 - In which we all plan to have a threeway with Jay. Or something.
We start off with a beautiful shot of the New Zealand woods… somewhere. Amber yells out Jay and Ebony’s name, in case we forgot who they are since last episode. Jay’s first, even though it makes no sense at all except to foreshadow horrible, horrible events. (Also, everything in the entire universe is all about Jay, because he’s the best thing since sliced bread.)
Meanwile, beautiful Hawk who may or may not be a metaphor for how Bray (and his hair) would have developed in the woods and sports a nice kilt, asks whether Amber knows these freaks in scarecrow outfits. Female scarecrow Ebony pretends to be reliefed to see Amber and Trudy, instead of dogs that will chew her into tiny bloody bits and tells them, they were expecting Techno followers instead, which makes for nice subtext, because
a) Jay is a Techno, it’s literally ON HIS FOREHEAD! And
b) they greet the Ecos by telling them there’s Technos to follow. Always a good conversation starter.
Amber tries to insult Ebony’s outfit, but Ebony’s not having any of it, so Amber shares a meaningful glance with Jay instead. (That’ll show her!) Who just last episode loved Ebony more than anything and wanted to run away with her. Forever and ever.
But now that he sees Amber, he’s reminded of her existence that he tends to forget whenever she leaves the city and it’s back on. Bramber fans, prepare to get your heart broken and your mind twisted by some seious bullshit, because here comes Jay.
Meanwhile, on a different show with gayer costumes, Java enters Ram’s soon-to-be-Matrix room and informs him that they couldn’t trace Ebony and Kendoll Jay through the dirty dirty woods because she has no wi-fi there and also she’s wearing her favourite pumps.
Ram, because he’s a brainiac, yells “Nature sucks!” and then reminds the audience yet again of last episode and his fucked-up plan to freeze himself into Reality Space or something. Because that’s totally a thing now. Also, because there are germs everywhere. Especially in a hotel the Locos lived in. If only someone had told him sooner about the remains of Zoot and Spike’s slumberparty-orgies, or the Guardian’s hair products in the bathroom, he never would have set wheel in this goddamn city!
Back in the woods, Trudy joins in into insulting Ebony, but Amber stops her, so she can bring pretty Kendoll back to her camp. Hawk, because he’s the only one with a brain, or still channeling Bray and supposed to be jealous after 3 seconds (because with the writing on some of these episodes you just know they’d ruin Bray like that), points out that Jay is “one of their Generals” and therefore probably shouldn’t be taken to their secret tree houses.
Jay, completely confused over how someone could not like him and want to be his friend, points out that he has a very pretty face that can’t be bothered with such things as remembering his horrible job from last week, let alone the invasion in which he proudly strolled through the city after taking a few hundred slaves, one of which is the baby daddy of the very girl who’s standing before him right now. It’s all in the past. It’s so mean of people to keep holding him accountable for what he did, long after he forgot he did it! Or in the words of a 4-year-old: “Not anymore. I quit!”
Amber’s so very proud of her future boyfriend, decides to ignore her favourite things (accusations and over-the-top-democracy) and drags Kendoll back to her tree house village in the woods. Oh, and Ebony can come too. Whatever.
While Ebony fills everyone who wasn’t in the last episodes into the plot, Trudy bickers some more and Jay is just proud to stand there, having run from the Technos after he got into a fight with Ram and made out with his wife in front of a camera and also, it’s hard work to look that pretty all the time. Plus he managed to tie his own shoe-laces this morning, so win-win.
Back at the hotel, Ram learns what tears are and says good-bye to Java who may or may not love him. I’ll never get the hang of that relationship.
Dee walks into a collection of hospital beds that are standing around in the Mall, bringing her sort-of-boyfriend a cup of tea. Which is hot. I know, I was surprised, too.
Also, Moz will murder her for wearing this outfit, and there will be blood on all the nice hospital bed sheets and then the whole city will turn into SinCity, and I really can’t stand the sight of Elijah Wood chewing the meat from someone’s bones, or all those weird ugly men turning all women into Daisy-hooker-Duck sex symbols and talking about them in a way that just makes you wanna snap their neck. But I’m sure season 5 won’t be degrading to women, right? Right?
They both geekily stutter around for a while and I change my mind about Moz. How come she hasn’t killed Dee already? Behaviour like this must be worse for her than a Celine Dion concert! And I’m pretty sure Dee knows. So when Patch (no kidding, that’s really his name!) talks about the need for more pain killers she nods sadly, knowing that their days are over because of the murderous psychos she makes friends with now and then.
Amber parades Jay (and Ebony, but who cares) through the Techno camp, stating that they are friends, escaping from the Technos. Everybody is happy and carefree, because who cares that Jay IS a Techno? One 40-year-old guy even jumps up to touch Jay. Was this the same tribe that wanted to kick Bray and Dal out last season? Subtle, real subtle, writers!
Trudy tries to force her own wishes for reality onto, well, reality (“They’re just passing through”), while Hawk mimics Bray’s sad-puppy look. Cute. If this is another “subtle” suggestion that Jay is golden and poops honey and flowers and that the storyline would have gone down the same way if Bray was still there, I hate it.
Jay walks over to Amber’s baby, asking her if this is hers. Because it’s not obvious at all, and nobody has ever told him Amber was a single mother. Except that he had several conversations with Ebony about it. Also, he forgot why he’s here, and where his clothes came from and who the hell Ebony and all those wood people are. It’s just looking pretty and walking towards Amber. Oooh, look, a baby! Wonder where that came from...
Ebony, meanwhile, is totally shocked that someone would call their baby after Bray. Who DOES that? (Everyone! For some reason.)
Amber asks if the baby, whose face Ebony can’t see and who Jay is poking for some strange reason, doesn’t TOTALLY look like the guy Ebony had a psychopathic 3-year-crush on and wanted kids from herself. But she’s not mean, so she’s awesomely fake-subtle about it: “This one really is Brays!” I’ve never been more proud of you, Amber! Now just get your son away from the crazy Techno, and we’ll be good!
At the Mall, Mouse is attempting to learn how to read. Sammy stops her, because he is a bratty asshole. And bored. He yells around about how mean Salene is for caring about his safety and how he doesn’t give a shit about Pride, or books, or anyone except a computer game. Why is he a Mall Rat again?
He’s mean to Mouse some more, they scream at each other in mean, bratty ways like kids do, but it sounds like shit because Sammy’s actor is so bad every line sounds forced. In the end, Mouse keeps sitting by herself, screaming his name. Which totally makes sense. For some reason.
Look, a tree! We’re back with the ecos!
Jay thinks everything Amber does and shows him is heaven, but Ebony reminds his pretty airhead that they’re on the run. From Technos. With weapons and dogs. That might just come and make the place less peaceful.
Of course, Jay doesn’t know that. He doesn’t even know what Technos are or why they would be bad. Someone will waste a lot of energy deleting his memory next season.
Amber is being all nice to the happy couple (why?), convincing them to stay, get cleaned up and have a meal. Either way, Jay will take his shirt off. Then she continues to tell Ebony’s boyfriend who, last time she saw him, was the Techno General, who was okay with taking Bray a prisoner-slave, but not with human experiments, that she was “very worried” about him during the last weeks. Yeah, considering the past we should all worry about Jay. For various reasons.
Jay forgets Ebony’s existence again, giving Amber a meaningful smile, while Ebony is left to shake her head in disbelief over the two of them. Excuse me, I’m feeling sick.
Mouse has forgotten about Sammy and is colouring, which is another thing we all should do, when Salene comes in. They say each other’s names, because whenever you meet or see someone, it’s good adivce to adress them with their full name a couple of times. They might have forgotten it. Or they might be someone else, but with all the make-up it’s hard to tell.
Anyway, Mouse isn’t colouring, she’s learing to read. Through colouring. Instead of helping, Salene compliments her on that and runs off to think about Pride some more.
At the hotel, Java interrupts Ram’s porn Tuesday, so he crashes his computer, before she can see anything. And then sends her to see Ved. That should take a while, I think he’s already disappeared into thin air. I usually hate when people are doing that, but it’s Ved, so I’ll make an exception.
May’s sitting on a swingset besides the Mall. Everyone is so productive and helpful these days! Pride strolls up to her, stating that he has second thoughts about meeting her, because of Salene. How sweet of him.
Siva walks into Mouse’s room and comforts her. Because she’s the only helpful person around. She tells her that reading is hard at first, which she knows because even though she’s 28, she has an illiterate boyfriend. Her age has made Siva wise, so she gets to the core of the problem (Sammy, what else) and comforts Mouse, taking her to Salene, so they can talk about Sammy some more.
At Ebony’s, no Ram’s Palace, Java tells Ram that she couldn’t find Ved. And she searched in two whole rooms! Seriously, how did these people find the Ecos? How do they fly planes? And who calls someone’s hotel room his “quarters”? Right, I forgot - Java is older than Ram and Ved put together!
Ram cares so little about that, he almost passes out.
Mall: Another shy, awkward nerd approaches Lex to learn about girls. Because we’re still pretending Lex is a smooth ladies man. Lex still thinks he’s irresistible to every female human being to walk the earth. He is a wise, wise man. People should seek his advice more. Maybe on astrophysics or advanced reading.
Pride tells May some macho bullshit about how it’s too much for him that two beautiful girls love him, instead of just telling her that he has a new girlfriend and that’s that. (Also, I think he still has feelings for Amber.) He’s a keeper, Salene!
Ram shows Java how imagination is fun and all. It’s the cheesiest, lamest fantasy world too, but everyone cheers a lot because Java looks smoking hot. And for some reason wants to make out with Lex now. Which is a real turn-on for Ram. You can totally see that he’s preparing her for a new kind of cyber space threeway.
Sammy scene. We’ll just skip that, will we?
May is still a bitch.
Ram is still a 5-year-old with temper tantrums. He orders Java to find Jay and Ebony. Mostly Jay, for the threesome.
Lex and Patch do… something. It’s very awkward and for some reason Dee doesn’t slap both of them. Or run away. I’m confused, I’m not sure what’s going on in the first place. Basically, Patch is trying to work Lex’s pick-up routine that barely ever works for Lex and Dee is as puzzled and annoyed as I am. Because Patch tells her somewhere during that he has the hots for a doll. For some reason, Lex thinks about putting up a “Mission Accomplished” banner and learning a Texan accent. As you do when you’re a winner.
The Ecos go to undress some scare crows, and the Technos come running with dogs. Since Hawk is the smartest guy ever, his advice is to lay on the ground and pretend they’re not there. It works, if you close your eyes real hard.
Mall: Salene and Pride are a terrible, terrible couple. Just terrible.
Back at the Eco camp, Jay is showing off new skills: he can hold little girls like Brady now! Trudy is in awe about this picture, and so is Ebony, who pretends she and Jay are planning to have 11 children. One of each gender, you know. (math isn’t her strongest suit.)
Also, Amber is already considering letting Jay adopt her son. Because she’s just the best human being to ever set foot on this earth, all morals and principles, and so is Jay… for some reason. He’s already found so many children and put them into slavery! He’s made for parenthood! Just look at him - don’t think, just look! He LOOKS like a pretty, pretty, pretty parent, that’s the most important part.
Amber ignores Ebony’s crazy and daydreams about handing Jay her own son. So they can play family. It will be so pretty! Everyone is blonde and gorgeous already! And Bray would want her to… wait, Bray who? Oh, right, she has a baby with that name. She doesn’t remember why and how, but here we are. Everything will be blonde and perfect!
And because that’s more fun, she smiles widely and unblinkingly at Ebony and pretends to be her new BFF.
Hawk brings Ebony and Jay their clothes, to which Ebony is very grateful and Jay… cynical? I think he’s still sulking because Hawk isn’t madly in love with him, like Amber and Ram and everyone else. Also, because Hawk tells him to leave, so the Technos won’t find them in Eco camp and take everyone there as slaves, which Amber finds just so mean of him. How dare he deprive her of her dream man! Meanwhile, I’m just ramming my head into the wall because apparently you really can escape trained search dogs by lying on the floor right next to the clothes said dogs have been sniffing out. It’s TV, y’all.
Everyone yells at everyone for a while. Jay ignores all this and nods approvingly in the end, even though he has no idea what just happened.
And finally, Salene dumps Pride’s uncertain, addicted ass. Until next week.
Meanwile, beautiful Hawk who may or may not be a metaphor for how Bray (and his hair) would have developed in the woods and sports a nice kilt, asks whether Amber knows these freaks in scarecrow outfits. Female scarecrow Ebony pretends to be reliefed to see Amber and Trudy, instead of dogs that will chew her into tiny bloody bits and tells them, they were expecting Techno followers instead, which makes for nice subtext, because
a) Jay is a Techno, it’s literally ON HIS FOREHEAD! And
b) they greet the Ecos by telling them there’s Technos to follow. Always a good conversation starter.
Amber tries to insult Ebony’s outfit, but Ebony’s not having any of it, so Amber shares a meaningful glance with Jay instead. (That’ll show her!) Who just last episode loved Ebony more than anything and wanted to run away with her. Forever and ever.
But now that he sees Amber, he’s reminded of her existence that he tends to forget whenever she leaves the city and it’s back on. Bramber fans, prepare to get your heart broken and your mind twisted by some seious bullshit, because here comes Jay.
Meanwhile, on a different show with gayer costumes, Java enters Ram’s soon-to-be-Matrix room and informs him that they couldn’t trace Ebony and Kendoll Jay through the dirty dirty woods because she has no wi-fi there and also she’s wearing her favourite pumps.
Ram, because he’s a brainiac, yells “Nature sucks!” and then reminds the audience yet again of last episode and his fucked-up plan to freeze himself into Reality Space or something. Because that’s totally a thing now. Also, because there are germs everywhere. Especially in a hotel the Locos lived in. If only someone had told him sooner about the remains of Zoot and Spike’s slumberparty-orgies, or the Guardian’s hair products in the bathroom, he never would have set wheel in this goddamn city!
Back in the woods, Trudy joins in into insulting Ebony, but Amber stops her, so she can bring pretty Kendoll back to her camp. Hawk, because he’s the only one with a brain, or still channeling Bray and supposed to be jealous after 3 seconds (because with the writing on some of these episodes you just know they’d ruin Bray like that), points out that Jay is “one of their Generals” and therefore probably shouldn’t be taken to their secret tree houses.
Jay, completely confused over how someone could not like him and want to be his friend, points out that he has a very pretty face that can’t be bothered with such things as remembering his horrible job from last week, let alone the invasion in which he proudly strolled through the city after taking a few hundred slaves, one of which is the baby daddy of the very girl who’s standing before him right now. It’s all in the past. It’s so mean of people to keep holding him accountable for what he did, long after he forgot he did it! Or in the words of a 4-year-old: “Not anymore. I quit!”
Amber’s so very proud of her future boyfriend, decides to ignore her favourite things (accusations and over-the-top-democracy) and drags Kendoll back to her tree house village in the woods. Oh, and Ebony can come too. Whatever.
While Ebony fills everyone who wasn’t in the last episodes into the plot, Trudy bickers some more and Jay is just proud to stand there, having run from the Technos after he got into a fight with Ram and made out with his wife in front of a camera and also, it’s hard work to look that pretty all the time. Plus he managed to tie his own shoe-laces this morning, so win-win.
Back at the hotel, Ram learns what tears are and says good-bye to Java who may or may not love him. I’ll never get the hang of that relationship.
Dee walks into a collection of hospital beds that are standing around in the Mall, bringing her sort-of-boyfriend a cup of tea. Which is hot. I know, I was surprised, too.
Also, Moz will murder her for wearing this outfit, and there will be blood on all the nice hospital bed sheets and then the whole city will turn into SinCity, and I really can’t stand the sight of Elijah Wood chewing the meat from someone’s bones, or all those weird ugly men turning all women into Daisy-hooker-Duck sex symbols and talking about them in a way that just makes you wanna snap their neck. But I’m sure season 5 won’t be degrading to women, right? Right?
They both geekily stutter around for a while and I change my mind about Moz. How come she hasn’t killed Dee already? Behaviour like this must be worse for her than a Celine Dion concert! And I’m pretty sure Dee knows. So when Patch (no kidding, that’s really his name!) talks about the need for more pain killers she nods sadly, knowing that their days are over because of the murderous psychos she makes friends with now and then.
Amber parades Jay (and Ebony, but who cares) through the Techno camp, stating that they are friends, escaping from the Technos. Everybody is happy and carefree, because who cares that Jay IS a Techno? One 40-year-old guy even jumps up to touch Jay. Was this the same tribe that wanted to kick Bray and Dal out last season? Subtle, real subtle, writers!
Trudy tries to force her own wishes for reality onto, well, reality (“They’re just passing through”), while Hawk mimics Bray’s sad-puppy look. Cute. If this is another “subtle” suggestion that Jay is golden and poops honey and flowers and that the storyline would have gone down the same way if Bray was still there, I hate it.
Jay walks over to Amber’s baby, asking her if this is hers. Because it’s not obvious at all, and nobody has ever told him Amber was a single mother. Except that he had several conversations with Ebony about it. Also, he forgot why he’s here, and where his clothes came from and who the hell Ebony and all those wood people are. It’s just looking pretty and walking towards Amber. Oooh, look, a baby! Wonder where that came from...
Ebony, meanwhile, is totally shocked that someone would call their baby after Bray. Who DOES that? (Everyone! For some reason.)
Amber asks if the baby, whose face Ebony can’t see and who Jay is poking for some strange reason, doesn’t TOTALLY look like the guy Ebony had a psychopathic 3-year-crush on and wanted kids from herself. But she’s not mean, so she’s awesomely fake-subtle about it: “This one really is Brays!” I’ve never been more proud of you, Amber! Now just get your son away from the crazy Techno, and we’ll be good!
At the Mall, Mouse is attempting to learn how to read. Sammy stops her, because he is a bratty asshole. And bored. He yells around about how mean Salene is for caring about his safety and how he doesn’t give a shit about Pride, or books, or anyone except a computer game. Why is he a Mall Rat again?
He’s mean to Mouse some more, they scream at each other in mean, bratty ways like kids do, but it sounds like shit because Sammy’s actor is so bad every line sounds forced. In the end, Mouse keeps sitting by herself, screaming his name. Which totally makes sense. For some reason.
Look, a tree! We’re back with the ecos!
Jay thinks everything Amber does and shows him is heaven, but Ebony reminds his pretty airhead that they’re on the run. From Technos. With weapons and dogs. That might just come and make the place less peaceful.
Of course, Jay doesn’t know that. He doesn’t even know what Technos are or why they would be bad. Someone will waste a lot of energy deleting his memory next season.
Amber is being all nice to the happy couple (why?), convincing them to stay, get cleaned up and have a meal. Either way, Jay will take his shirt off. Then she continues to tell Ebony’s boyfriend who, last time she saw him, was the Techno General, who was okay with taking Bray a prisoner-slave, but not with human experiments, that she was “very worried” about him during the last weeks. Yeah, considering the past we should all worry about Jay. For various reasons.
Jay forgets Ebony’s existence again, giving Amber a meaningful smile, while Ebony is left to shake her head in disbelief over the two of them. Excuse me, I’m feeling sick.
Mouse has forgotten about Sammy and is colouring, which is another thing we all should do, when Salene comes in. They say each other’s names, because whenever you meet or see someone, it’s good adivce to adress them with their full name a couple of times. They might have forgotten it. Or they might be someone else, but with all the make-up it’s hard to tell.
Anyway, Mouse isn’t colouring, she’s learing to read. Through colouring. Instead of helping, Salene compliments her on that and runs off to think about Pride some more.
At the hotel, Java interrupts Ram’s porn Tuesday, so he crashes his computer, before she can see anything. And then sends her to see Ved. That should take a while, I think he’s already disappeared into thin air. I usually hate when people are doing that, but it’s Ved, so I’ll make an exception.
May’s sitting on a swingset besides the Mall. Everyone is so productive and helpful these days! Pride strolls up to her, stating that he has second thoughts about meeting her, because of Salene. How sweet of him.
Siva walks into Mouse’s room and comforts her. Because she’s the only helpful person around. She tells her that reading is hard at first, which she knows because even though she’s 28, she has an illiterate boyfriend. Her age has made Siva wise, so she gets to the core of the problem (Sammy, what else) and comforts Mouse, taking her to Salene, so they can talk about Sammy some more.
At Ebony’s, no Ram’s Palace, Java tells Ram that she couldn’t find Ved. And she searched in two whole rooms! Seriously, how did these people find the Ecos? How do they fly planes? And who calls someone’s hotel room his “quarters”? Right, I forgot - Java is older than Ram and Ved put together!
Ram cares so little about that, he almost passes out.
Mall: Another shy, awkward nerd approaches Lex to learn about girls. Because we’re still pretending Lex is a smooth ladies man. Lex still thinks he’s irresistible to every female human being to walk the earth. He is a wise, wise man. People should seek his advice more. Maybe on astrophysics or advanced reading.
Pride tells May some macho bullshit about how it’s too much for him that two beautiful girls love him, instead of just telling her that he has a new girlfriend and that’s that. (Also, I think he still has feelings for Amber.) He’s a keeper, Salene!
Ram shows Java how imagination is fun and all. It’s the cheesiest, lamest fantasy world too, but everyone cheers a lot because Java looks smoking hot. And for some reason wants to make out with Lex now. Which is a real turn-on for Ram. You can totally see that he’s preparing her for a new kind of cyber space threeway.
Sammy scene. We’ll just skip that, will we?
May is still a bitch.
Ram is still a 5-year-old with temper tantrums. He orders Java to find Jay and Ebony. Mostly Jay, for the threesome.
Lex and Patch do… something. It’s very awkward and for some reason Dee doesn’t slap both of them. Or run away. I’m confused, I’m not sure what’s going on in the first place. Basically, Patch is trying to work Lex’s pick-up routine that barely ever works for Lex and Dee is as puzzled and annoyed as I am. Because Patch tells her somewhere during that he has the hots for a doll. For some reason, Lex thinks about putting up a “Mission Accomplished” banner and learning a Texan accent. As you do when you’re a winner.
The Ecos go to undress some scare crows, and the Technos come running with dogs. Since Hawk is the smartest guy ever, his advice is to lay on the ground and pretend they’re not there. It works, if you close your eyes real hard.
Mall: Salene and Pride are a terrible, terrible couple. Just terrible.
Back at the Eco camp, Jay is showing off new skills: he can hold little girls like Brady now! Trudy is in awe about this picture, and so is Ebony, who pretends she and Jay are planning to have 11 children. One of each gender, you know. (math isn’t her strongest suit.)
Also, Amber is already considering letting Jay adopt her son. Because she’s just the best human being to ever set foot on this earth, all morals and principles, and so is Jay… for some reason. He’s already found so many children and put them into slavery! He’s made for parenthood! Just look at him - don’t think, just look! He LOOKS like a pretty, pretty, pretty parent, that’s the most important part.
Amber ignores Ebony’s crazy and daydreams about handing Jay her own son. So they can play family. It will be so pretty! Everyone is blonde and gorgeous already! And Bray would want her to… wait, Bray who? Oh, right, she has a baby with that name. She doesn’t remember why and how, but here we are. Everything will be blonde and perfect!
And because that’s more fun, she smiles widely and unblinkingly at Ebony and pretends to be her new BFF.
Hawk brings Ebony and Jay their clothes, to which Ebony is very grateful and Jay… cynical? I think he’s still sulking because Hawk isn’t madly in love with him, like Amber and Ram and everyone else. Also, because Hawk tells him to leave, so the Technos won’t find them in Eco camp and take everyone there as slaves, which Amber finds just so mean of him. How dare he deprive her of her dream man! Meanwhile, I’m just ramming my head into the wall because apparently you really can escape trained search dogs by lying on the floor right next to the clothes said dogs have been sniffing out. It’s TV, y’all.
Everyone yells at everyone for a while. Jay ignores all this and nods approvingly in the end, even though he has no idea what just happened.
And finally, Salene dumps Pride’s uncertain, addicted ass. Until next week.